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Ok, so it takes longer to see the red flags because you're having good sex often. So what? They'll eventually come out and you deal with the repercussions then. What are you risking? Harder time walking away? I'm not sure I get that. What you put in to that point it pretty immaterial, that would be buying into a sunk cost fallacy.
Those costs are a function of time. The longer it takes for you to spot the red flags, the higher the costs you'll have incurred by the time you end things. And it's not just you who's incurring those costs. It's also her. Maybe the red flags do eventually come out and you end things with her. As others have already pointed out, women can become very emotionally attached to someone if they're sleeping with them. So while you may someday decide to walk away and shrug your shoulders and say "at least the sex was great", she could have a harder time recovering. If the two of you aren't right for one another, better to find out sooner rather than later so at least she won't be as hurt if and when you do end it.
No, not at all. Most of my relationships tend to be long, my past two lovers were in my life 8 years and 5 years. Never got old. Awesome women. I'm friends with both. One just got engaged, he's a lucky guy. She rocks.
I don't see any bad behavior occurring here at all. So I'm not sure what you're referring to. Actually, I'm really not sure what you're asking or talking about at all... escorts?
Good behavior as being monogamous and bad behavior as sleeping around. One is more frowned upon than the other. I was saying escorts as in you enjoy sex with new women and not going the route of an escort.
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I enjoy sex with new women, I enjoy sex with women I've known for a long time. As long as it is good sex and we have a good relationship.
But also, I don't really associate good with monogamy (though I am feeling monogamous toward my new partner) or sleeping around as being bad behavior, as long as it is done ethically and it isn't done for non-healthy reasons.
But, I was asking in this thread about the idea why the notion of moving fast and fearing fizzling out exists... and I think I received some answers that made a lot of sense (especially the one regarding an emotional buffer/protecting oneself emotionally).
But, I was asking in this thread about the idea why the notion of moving fast and fearing fizzling out exists... and I think I received some answers that made a lot of sense (especially the one regarding an emotional buffer/protecting oneself emotionally).
If it made sense to you, then will you explain it to me?
I agree that when people move more slowly it's because they think it will give them time to really assess the person before falling for them. And maybe that's a good idea. But often, IME, the slowness is the thing that leads to a relationship fizzling. Maybe it never gets enough momentum to get off the ground, or maybe people only feel a need to go slow when, on some level, the relationship is not right for them.
I enjoy sex with new women, I enjoy sex with women I've known for a long time. As long as it is good sex and we have a good relationship.
But also, I don't really associate good with monogamy (though I am feeling monogamous toward my new partner) or sleeping around as being bad behavior, as long as it is done ethically and it isn't done for non-healthy reasons.
But, I was asking in this thread about the idea why the notion of moving fast and fearing fizzling out exists... and I think I received some answers that made a lot of sense (especially the one regarding an emotional buffer/protecting oneself emotionally).
My idea of sex was why I thought it fizzled. You craved new and exciting sex. Not just continuous sex with the same person. I was unfamiliar with your prior monogamous relationships, so I was taking your situation at face value.
Dating is just a crap shoot at times. Everyone who enters a race wants to cross the finish line, but there's going to be some people who wreck or have engine malfunctions. Everyone wants to cross the checkered flag, but sadly a percentage of people don't.
Why do you have an emotional buffer if you've had two serious relationships prior? You seem comfortable with your life direction and your decision making, so try narrowing down why this feeling comes. I tended to have similar feelings at 2 months with all the women I dated that ended up turning serious. Mainly do as I was committing myself to one person and all the emotional ups and downs that this one person will bring. I can handle myself emotionally, but that second person can be unpredictable at times and you can't just run away from every situation. Some of my situations fizzled just because I was a bit cowardly.
If it made sense to you, then will you explain it to me?
I agree that when people move more slowly it's because they think it will give them time to really assess the person before falling for them. And maybe that's a good idea. But often, IME, the slowness is the thing that leads to a relationship fizzling. Maybe it never gets enough momentum to get off the ground, or maybe people only feel a need to go slow when, on some level, the relationship is not right for them.
My last relationship ended like this. She wanted to casually date to where we maybe saw each other once a week. Her work and child schedule is pretty hectic right now. I wanted something more concrete. For once a week, I can find someone or something else that pleases me just as much. It wasn't that I didn't care, but her intentions weren't what I was looking for long-term.
I agree with you Nila that momentum and continuous time together is important for me too. Once that starts to slow down than my mind starts wondering if I'm in the right situation for me.
My idea of sex was why I thought it fizzled. You craved new and exciting sex. Not just continuous sex with the same person. I was unfamiliar with your prior monogamous relationships, so I was taking your situation at face value.
Dating is just a crap shoot at times. Everyone who enters a race wants to cross the finish line, but there's going to be some people who wreck or have engine malfunctions. Everyone wants to cross the checkered flag, but sadly a percentage of people don't.
Why do you have an emotional buffer if you've had two serious relationships prior? You seem comfortable with your life direction and your decision making, so try narrowing down why this feeling comes. I tended to have similar feelings at 2 months with all the women I dated that ended up turning serious. Mainly do as I was committing myself to one person and all the emotional ups and downs that this one person will bring. I can handle myself emotionally, but that second person can be unpredictable at times and you can't just run away from every situation. Some of my situations fizzled just because I was a bit cowardly.
Oooh, this kind of answers Nila Jones's question, and lends itself to the explanation of why some people feel the need to go slow.
The simple answer is, they are scared. Scared of getting hurt, used, repeating past mistakes, becoming emotionally invested, etc. There's a million reasons why they could be scared, but the key is that they pump the brakes because they are afraid.
I agree with you Nila that momentum and continuous time together is important for me too. Once that starts to slow down than my mind starts wondering if I'm in the right situation for me.
Thanks for posting this. Now I don't feel like a lone weirdo .
Thanks for posting this. Now I don't feel like a lone weirdo .
Ha. Everyone is a little weird in their own way. We will all figure out our path soon enough. Dating is a tough one to get right, since you have to give up control for it to be successful.
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