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Others do have a good point, though...if you have any reason to think he will lash out at you in a dangerous or aggressive manner, you shouldn't do any bomb-dropping without somebody else there. In my case, physical aggression was never a concern (and I'm not the one who broke up). But if I had been, he was not a man who could have physically done much, anyway. If your fiance is the sort of person whose instability does lend itself to the possibility of physical aggression or dangerous acting out, please do take care of yourself and have a contingency plan in place for that.
Keep your sanity in mind. Keep your goal in mind. Don't get pulled into his BS if he gives it. I don't know what he has done or said in the past to made you forget his abuse and take him back before, but you do, you know... or you need to figure it out. But, you know. It's obvious Don't buy into it this time. Don't give him any juice.
Good luck to you... I DO think you ought to consider other posters' opinions about telling him and leaving him at the same time, or on the same day. TabulaRose's "bomb-dropping" advice is spot-on. Be safe. Be ready.
Oh. And, you know what? 36 years old is nothing. Geez. If you can't start over at 36, how in the am I supposed to do it at 53?
Trust your instincts, protect yourself. I've seen this type of behavior and it is scary. Stay away from him. He may be bi-polar, whatever is going on with him he needs to address it. You make sure you're safe. He needs to be treated by a therapist and work through whatever is going on with him, all of this rage isn't just going to go away on it's own.
Have you talked with a woman's shelter about this, they have trained counselors that know the right steps for you to take. It may also be good for you to find some type of womans support group. Also, does your family know about this, can you either stay with them or a close friend for awhile.
You mentioned your afraid to be alone, let your own light shine It's better to be alone and in your own company than the wrong company.
You sound like a sweet person, keep faith that you are protected ~ Blessings
I guess this post is more of a request for support. I need to get this off my chest. Any input, encouragement, advice is welcome.
So, I've been with my fiance for about 6 years. I do love him and wish we could be together but he has an anger problem. He flies off the handle when he gets upset--
This whole week while he's been gone, I've been thinking a lot... feeling so many different emotions from grief, frustration, betrayal, anger, sadness, hope, optimism, self acceptance, self esteem, determination to create a new life, clarity about my future. I'm kind of scared to be alone. I like the feeling of having someone there to support me. There are good things about the relationship
Please chime in with some encouragement. So much thanks for reading my post.
I, too, was in a long-term relationship with an angry man. I did love him, but found myself making excuses for him, so I understand how you feel.
Of course you are going to have all of those feelings! Some of those feelings come from the fact that you love him. Others come from the fact that your insides are telling you that he isn't good for you.
Leaving IS difficult. Have a plan. Have a place to stay. Have money. Then, just leave.
Being thrown into going it alone is scary, but you CAN do it! It isn't easy. BUT, you just can't foresee just how much confidence and self-esteem you will build when you realize that you really are capable of living your life on your own and taking care of yourself. Sure, it's nice to have someone there for emotional support, but after you've been alone and gone through a trying event on your own, you will stand back and think, I did that all by myself - and I did it very well.
You have given this guy several chances. He deserves no more of your life.
You are absolutely doing the right thing!!!!! So DO IT!
Can you move your stuff into storage before you actually move? Sounds like there might be an unfortunate time lag.
This is SIX YEARS of you having to deal with this behavior, and he is obviously not taking you seriously. So it's time for you to show him how serious you are.
My experience is not as extreme as yours...my husband would never talk to me like that..but he does have some serious anger issues. They were issues when we were dating (we broke up over it once), they were issues when we were engaged (but it was a short engagement so I just held my breath and blamed stress...). Guess what, 15 yrs later, STILL HAVING THE SAME EFFING ISSUES! It has been unbearable at times. Escalated to the point of me throwing him out once...which was a huge wake up call. He started going to therapy, realized what was really at stake and did the work to calm his butt down. But I wouldn't wish my experience on anyone.
Get out now, before there are kids involved and you are dealing with the role model he will be providing for them. If you feel yourself waiver, think about how you will feel when he turns that on your kids. Or when your future daughter marries a guy like that, bcs she thinks that what relationships are supposed to be like that...
Every human being deserves to live a happy, full life, and that includes you. So many people go through their lives putting up with things that keep them from having that life, and I commend you for being smart enough and strong enough to be willing to make this leap. No one should live with abuse, be it verbal or physical.........it is totally unacceptable.
Breaking up is NEVER easy, even in a horrible relationship. I wish I had some magic bullet to give you, but there is none. You have to simply be strong, not be swayed from your decision, and DO IT ! The fact you have an apartment already makes it easier. Get all your stuff moved before he returns so you don't have to deal with it. Do not be vague about why you are doing it, tell him straight out that it is 100% over. If you tell him you need time to yourself it will tell him there is still a chance of getting back together, that is why you need to put a period at the end of this relationship with no gray areas. He will tell you he will change...............................HE WON'T.
When I broke up with my last GF, we had been living together for 7 years and the first 6 were really good, but when she figured out I was never going to marry her things went downhill. We had one final argument and she said "If you don't like it you can leave !" I thought it over for a minute and said "You are right, I'll be out by the end of the month." I slept on the couch in the spare room until the day I did move, and as I was making that final walk out the door she said "Are you sure you really want to do this?" and I said "Yes." I have never looked back and know it was the right decision.
Please let us know how you make out, and if things get ugly get the police involved and get a restraining order. You know in your heart and mind this is the right thing to do and the right time to do it, now just do it. Keep us posted, we will make sure you have the support you need.
I too missed the detail that you would tell him last night but not move until the weekend. I would make some provision to stay at a girlfriend's house before the move or not tell him until the day of the move.
No guy would tell the woman he loves to go f$& % herself, at least not more than once & regret it, to continue it points to something fundamentally wrong in his attitude.
OP you are doing the right thing and you'll be fine once it's all over. There are plenty of laid back guys who don't have anger management issues and would never be so utterly rude and disrespectful to the woman they love. Take care of yourself, buy nice things and indulge yourself.
Umm, his anger is HIS problem. That's something HE should be discussing with a therapist. She doesn't control his emotions.
AND she already gave him a chance to change when they were separated for 6 months. She came back and he decided, after a time, that it was okay that his bad behavior resume.
Also, if he was such a great guy, would he act that way in front of the kids? Nope.
It sounds to me like you think there is an acceptable reason for him to act that way. There isn't.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 07-21-2014 at 09:28 AM..
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It's better to be alone and in your own company than the wrong company. 
That's something HE should be discussing with a therapist. She doesn't control his emotions.
