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Afternoon all. I'd appreciate advice if its available on my problem if people would be kind to.
About me -
27 Years old
Professional
Been in three different relationships since the age of 19 including this one - with no breaks between.
Situation -
Engaged since November last year
Due to be married in just over 6 weeks.
Been together for just over 3.5 years.
No children
No property or finances tied together and no debt
Wedding needs paying for - (All funds available and ready to leave account)
Problem(s) - or at least I think
Differing intelligence levels - at the start I didn't think this would be an issue, but the more I think about it the more I think it is and will be. (Apologies if I sound crude but I'm being objective) The majority of time she thinks I'm trying to patronise her, when I'm absolutely not at all.
Miscommunication - Often we mis communicate and talk a lot over text or email. We always have done, but even on some basic or things I think are basic she fails to understand me and I fail to understand her. Perhaps this is a failing on both our parts and could easily be fixed via phone calls...
Minor arguments - She will often over react so dramatically to minor things, things that have happened or no longer matter. Causing an argument for little or what I see to be no reason, but then apologising. This has not really bothered me in the past but I think it could and does go hand in hand with miscommunication.
Sexual incompatability - When we first met, sex was great. We did everything I wanted to and it was fulfilling. It helps she is beautiful too... And was fulfilling both ways, because I'm not selfish. However I don't seem to be loosing any of my sex drive at all and I don't think I will. But after the first 6-12 months, We didn't have sex anywhere near as much as I wanted and its hardly fulfilling for me now. I'm never mentally stimulated or turned on before hand, I just do it because I require it. I am extremely concerned nothing will change after marriage.
I've not been good - Just after we got together, I cheated on her with my ex. It took her 6+ months to forgive me but we both worked on it and sorted it. However, About 4 months ago I spoke to an old friend on skype and had an inappropriate discussion about sex with her. Needless to say my fiancee found out and was about to call off the marriage, but we both agreed it was nothing and we would work on it. Obviously this has got to her but she has in my opinion been fair and reasonable about the situation. My question is:
Am I always going to be looking elsewhere or will it stop if I find the right person? Have I been looking elsewhere because I'm not getting what I want? I don't think I am inherintly a bastard.
Now you probably ask why it's taken me so long to get to this position or decision or point in my life/relationship. It took the seriousness of meeting the vicar at the weekend and him saying how important it is to be married. We did not make the decision lightly but perhaps it was a bit rushed as my work will take me out of the country later this year and we wanted to be together.
Any help is greatly appreciated and happy to answer questions.
Afternoon all. I'd appreciate advice if its available on my problem if people would be kind to.
About me -
27 Years old
Professional
Been in three different relationships since the age of 19 including this one - with no breaks between.
Situation -
Engaged since November last year
Due to be married in just over 6 weeks.
Been together for just over 3.5 years.
No children
No property or finances tied together and no debt
Wedding needs paying for - (All funds available and ready to leave account)
Problem(s) - or at least I think
Differing intelligence levels - at the start I didn't think this would be an issue, but the more I think about it the more I think it is and will be. (Apologies if I sound crude but I'm being objective) The majority of time she thinks I'm trying to patronise her, when I'm absolutely not at all.
Miscommunication - Often we mis communicate and talk a lot over text or email. We always have done, but even on some basic or things I think are basic she fails to understand me and I fail to understand her. Perhaps this is a failing on both our parts and could easily be fixed via phone calls...
Minor arguments - She will often over react so dramatically to minor things, things that have happened or no longer matter. Causing an argument for little or what I see to be no reason, but then apologising. This has not really bothered me in the past but I think it could and does go hand in hand with miscommunication.
Sexual incompatability - When we first met, sex was great. We did everything I wanted to and it was fulfilling. It helps she is beautiful too... And was fulfilling both ways, because I'm not selfish. However I don't seem to be loosing any of my sex drive at all and I don't think I will. But after the first 6-12 months, We didn't have sex anywhere near as much as I wanted and its hardly fulfilling for me now. I'm never mentally stimulated or turned on before hand, I just do it because I require it. I am extremely concerned nothing will change after marriage.
I've not been good - Just after we got together, I cheated on her with my ex. It took her 6+ months to forgive me but we both worked on it and sorted it. However, About 4 months ago I spoke to an old friend on skype and had an inappropriate discussion about sex with her. Needless to say my fiancee found out and was about to call off the marriage, but we both agreed it was nothing and we would work on it. Obviously this has got to her but she has in my opinion been fair and reasonable about the situation. My question is:
Am I always going to be looking elsewhere or will it stop if I find the right person? Have I been looking elsewhere because I'm not getting what I want? I don't think I am inherintly a bastard.
Now you probably ask why it's taken me so long to get to this position or decision or point in my life/relationship. It took the seriousness of meeting the vicar at the weekend and him saying how important it is to be married. We did not make the decision lightly but perhaps it was a bit rushed as my work will take me out of the country later this year and we wanted to be together.
Any help is greatly appreciated and happy to answer questions.
Thanks.
I have been married 23 years, almost as long as you have been alive.
NONE of this is going to get better with marriage, and some of it will get worse.
The stuff you have mentioned is not minor. This is more than "cold feet."
I require no childish comments thank you lol or flaming wars. Just some impartial advice on what's happening inside my head without any prejudice.
My reasons for were because she is and can be a lot of fun, so on and so forth and I'm sure there were many reasons at the start...
Thanks Wmsn.
Committing to someone for life requires more than that the other person is a lot of fun.
I don't think anyone here is being childish. They are just shooting straight with you. This woman is not the one for you. But I'll add that you are not ready to be married, yourself. If you were, you would not be having inappropriate conversations with other people on Skype.
Break it off, before you make the biggest mistake of your life.
I require no childish comments thank you lol or flaming wars. Just some impartial advice on what's happening inside my head without any prejudice.
My reasons for were because she is and can be a lot of fun, so on and so forth and I'm sure there were many reasons at the start...
Thanks Wmsn.
What is happening inside your head is yourself is telling you to not get married to this woman.
You have already cheated on her.
You are not sexually fulfilled.
You cannot talk to each other with your voice, it is mainly texting.
You say she overreacts to little things which causes an argument but you take no responsibility for whatever it is she overreacted to.
You are behaving like a teenage boy in heat so let this woman get on with her life and find someone you are actually compatable with.
If you don't you will be divorced in less than 3 years and more than likely be in a huge financial mess since your finances will be entwined as soon as you get married.
Best to call it off now while you both are financially secure with your own money.
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