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Old 07-11-2014, 11:00 AM
 
Location: Sputnik Planitia
7,826 posts, read 11,752,083 times
Reputation: 9045

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Do you feel that the plethora of options just leads to indecisiveness? I was watching a documentary recently about Costco and how they use human psychology. What they found is that IF you give people more than 3 choices of brands they are significantly less likely to make a purchase decision and put it off until later. Which is why Costco deliberately does not carry much choice in terms of brands...it's either brand A, B or C and more often just A or B.

Drawing the same conclusion for dating these days... the nature of OLD and the infinite amount of choice and possibilities makes people very indecisive and unrealistically picky.

I have periods where I have no matches at all.. I contacted 10 people and 0 responded - in this time I feel that if I only had a match contact me I would be more focused to give my undivided attention to that single person who would come my way but somehow it never seems to transpire that way. I contact 10 more people and 6 respond. Now what exactly do I do? Communicate with all 6? Well now that I have 6 my requirements perhaps subconsciously become more stringent and in the process between they losing interest and me losing interest all of them are somehow gone!

I have noticed too that I keep seeing the same women on the sites for months on end... most of them seem to be perpetual daters! Too much choice?

So the question is... is the OLD format of juggling multiple prospects in parallel doomed to a high failure rate vs the conventional method of focusing of one person at a time?
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Old 07-11-2014, 11:10 AM
 
5,121 posts, read 6,788,364 times
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I suppose it could if go in without a plan. I've been trying to keep my number of conversations at a given time down to 2-3. Ideally it would be 3 (one I've been dating, one I could be planning a date with if the first man didn't pan out, and third in line to take the place of #2 if he doesn't work out). If a fourth man gets in the mix somehow, I tend to "put him on hold" unless he really, REALLY stands out. Mainly because, like you say, it becomes too much to juggle. If I do like man #4 a lot, then I would phase out the man I am least interested in of the three I am talking to.

At least, that's my "strategy" so to speak. I like it too because I don't get all my hopes up for one man, etc.
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Old 07-11-2014, 01:35 PM
 
8,518 posts, read 15,616,747 times
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First of all, the idea that OLD gives you lots of choices is an illusion. Sure there are lots of people online. But if you have a clear idea of what type of person you're looking for, you'll quickly discover that it's very easy to narrow down your options.

Second, why do you need to give one person your undivided attention? You're not talking to multiple people simultaneously, are you? If I'm emailing someone, I'm only focused on her, regardless of whether or not I've been emailing other women. And I don't become more stringent just because I'm conversing with 6 women as opposed to 1. Sure, having 6 women to choose from as opposed to 1 might make me feel as though I can get away with being pickier. But I would be just as picky if I was only talking to one person.

What you wrote reminds me an analogy I heard a while back about how online dating is like going to the movies. You arrive at the theater wanting to see a movie. If there are lots of movies to choose from, you can be picky. But if there's only one or two. You can't be too picky. But who says you have to see a movie? You always have the option of going home. Same with dating. I'm not going to become less picky just because I only got 1 match online. Because I always have the option of turning off the computer.
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Old 07-11-2014, 01:41 PM
 
50,470 posts, read 36,126,975 times
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I never found that there are tons of options, quite the contrary.
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Old 07-11-2014, 01:45 PM
 
1,205 posts, read 1,182,235 times
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Quote:
First of all, the idea that OLD gives you lots of choices is an illusion. Sure there are lots of people online. But if you have a clear idea of what type of person you're looking for, you'll quickly discover that it's very easy to narrow down your options.

very well put.

Overall I think too much choice does affect some people, or a lot of people.
I think when my parents met and married. You didnt meet a bazillion people. The pool was much smaller with a high liklihood of similar values and backgrounds in the same geographical space. Too much choice implies there is always a better option out there waiting for you so why put up with Mr Average who is nice to you? Mr Exciting awaits!

I do still go for guys more similiar to me though, but then I dated for years before the neverending buffet arrived.
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Old 07-11-2014, 01:47 PM
 
3,308 posts, read 4,547,249 times
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I can look through 100 pictures and find MAYBE one or two I think could be right for me.
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Old 07-11-2014, 03:11 PM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
10,931 posts, read 11,691,276 times
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"Indecision is the key to flexibility." John Larkin, Operations Officer, USS Wahkiakum County LST-1162
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Old 07-11-2014, 03:19 PM
 
3,051 posts, read 3,272,697 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean View Post
I suppose it could if go in without a plan. I've been trying to keep my number of conversations at a given time down to 2-3. Ideally it would be 3 (one I've been dating, one I could be planning a date with if the first man didn't pan out, and third in line to take the place of #2 if he doesn't work out). If a fourth man gets in the mix somehow, I tend to "put him on hold" unless he really, REALLY stands out. Mainly because, like you say, it becomes too much to juggle. If I do like man #4 a lot, then I would phase out the man I am least interested in of the three I am talking to.

At least, that's my "strategy" so to speak. I like it too because I don't get all my hopes up for one man, etc.
This is what I did with OLD and now do with dating in general. Until I'm 100 percent monogamous with someone, I find it to be a good strategy too. To be honest, I don't have the attention span for more than three guys at a time, so maybe that study has a point.
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Old 07-11-2014, 03:46 PM
 
Location: Reno, NV
5,987 posts, read 10,449,819 times
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There are studies on OLD that do confirm that too many choices makes it difficult for most people to decide. That's why eHarmony works the way it does. However, I prefer to have a large universe of choices that *I* can filter they way I want, and make my own choices - which is why I never liked eHarmony. I don't have the problem of indecisiveness, when I can use my own criteria effectively.
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Old 07-11-2014, 04:15 PM
 
Location: Redwood Shores, Ca
377 posts, read 531,873 times
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If you rely on their matchs, you are going to be waiting a long time to find someone. If you use their online tools to help analyze or determine a % of a match for you, you could be waiting awhile. But if you treat OLD like it was done before all the information was available, you will find it's really a great tool. Because in the real world, you wouldn't get the opportunity to look at 5-10 pictures, and study them, in order to decide to read on. Then you read on, and surprise, hardly any time spent on their profile...next...and you do that time and time again. So you will only message a person, who you determine to be attractive to you, and who could express themselves, sell themselves to you. Do you know how many people you are blowing past each time? Dozens probably. If you treat these sites as a tool to help get more leads, ignoring all that match crap, you will be more successful. I'm certain many here pre screen much more than the one's they decide on. Try this, tactic, and you will learn something. View the profile pictures first, anyone, that makes you look a little closer, send a message to. If you must read the profile, do so, but it will probably drop that prospect. Maybe some of you spend a bunch of time, and energy creating a profile. But guess what, a lot of people are awkward doing it, they never have tried, and they are nervous to have people find out. Some women don't like to take pictures, and if they pose, they look awkward....probably because they feel that way...So expecting to see women at their best on those profile pics, is a long shot. For profiles, unless there is some forum that deals with online profiles, most are going to be horrible, no content a lot of times, and poorly written. Same thing with those, just glance through them, and don't place too much merit into them.

Now message all these prospects....it's better to learn that the person wasn't your type for sure, via messaging, or meeting for coffee. Because, prejudging them because of their profiles and pictures, or at least putting too much emphasis on them, is like shooting yourself in the foot.


It's nothing to do with too many choices, it's all about over thinking something so simple, to over analyze and make it more difficult than it really is. Have fun with it, and try to not get intimidated by it.

It's like the person who writes a heavily detailed profile, in order to make people who contact them fit a certain mold....instead they seem too picky, and probably are passed on....too much information is destroying the whole process, you cannot look at a spreadsheet, and tell me who is going to match up best with me.....I'll stay old school, and use today's tools to better my game.
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