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Ironic as it is, it helps shyer, less successful men to approach the matter as if all women were romantic candidates.
If you think of them as friends first and get to know them slowly and over time, almost all of them will reject you. It's the path of 90% of shyer men. We hear it every single day here. I met her, I fell for her, she didn't feel the same. Hundreds, thousands of times.
You cannot go both ways because women will never let their sure interest be known (to these type of men at least) without the man making a move first. You need to pick the friends first or the aggressive route. And there is no question in my mind which works best for these types of guys.
BTW, when women reject a man for being too aggressive and making their interest known too soon, that's not the man screwing up only. That's the woman screwing up too. You could have had what was potentially a great guy but passed it up because he came on too soon?
If you have enough options, I guess no loss.
It sounds like you are saying the women are screwing up both ways, when they reject the guy who asked to soon and the one who waited.
I think you are missing a couple of huge points.
1. Women (and men who are in touch with what truly attracts them and not desperately willing to f anything) are attracted to less than 1% of people. And it is never the same 1%. Studies show that if you have 10 women look at 10 guys, each woman will choose a different guy as the 'most attractive'.
Putting these two pieces of information together, you can see that all humans will be rejected by almost all other humans. And this is fine, and it doesn't mean they are doing anything wrong, or are unattractive or anything. It just means they haven't yet found the person who they think is super-attractive and who thinks the same thing about them.
2. It doesn't really matter whether you ask a girl early or late. If she is interested, she will say yes no matter when you ask.
Girls do look for compatibility, though, in addition to chemistry. So girls will look at timing as indicative of compatibility. If you wait a long time and she is a spontaneous person, she wil understand that the two of you will not be able to be happy together. Same thing if you ask before you know her well enough to base your attraction on her personality rather than her looks, if she values personality connections. In either case, these girls are not wrong. They are just observant of factors the guys have not noticed.
I know it is tempting, when you get rejected, to look for something you did wrong, that you can fix next time. Or to tell yourself that she is wrong.
Personally, I find it much more useful to tell myself that the person rejecting me sees some incompatibility that I did not see. Even if the incompatibility is that they are a jack*ss . Because, if they are, why would I want to be with them? But usually it is not that. Sometimes, if it's really bugging me, I ask them what they saw that I did not, and the answers are enlightening.
Next, I think we need to talk about why playing the numbers is a trap for men, and how they can improve their success dramatically by being more selective.
God stop, please lol. The socially ackward guy is the guy who recognizes the field in front of him is full of political, etc landmines. The best advice is to totally stop with the power brokering and gender politics in dating etc period. Accept diversity, love people for who they are and stop being a used car salesman and stop always trying to find the best of everything. Everyone is the best in there own way.
The dating game and system is broken, instead of justifying and rationalise a broken system. Change the system!
When i hear the word feminist, i relate it to Misandry which is no different then misogyny.
True old feminists believe in equality, they wouldn't be trying to get special privileges for being the sex they are or making themselves victims to be politically protected at all times. JMHO.
Last edited by hawaiian by heart; 07-12-2014 at 11:52 AM..
What makes these men awkward is that they regard women as a completely different species. When you stop pigeonholing individuals into the blanket category of "women," you will see that there is no one thing to do, no one "method."
In fact, the very notion of using a "method" means you fail to see women as people, but as objects to obtain. Shake off the sexism inherent in seeking a one-size-fits-all approach because each woman is a completely unique being with her own preferences, way of interacting, needs, sense of humor, personal space, experience, upbringing, and history.
Just as a woman has to learn the unique combination of strengths and flaws of every man she gets involved with, you have to take the time to learn the same about every woman you meet. There is no easy answer. Stop looking for one.
True old feminists believe in equality, they wouldn't be trying to get special privileges for being the sex they are or making themselves victims to be politically protected at all times. JMHO.
Wait, who tries to get special privileges for being the sex they are? What special privileges?
Next, I think we need to talk about why playing the numbers is a trap for men, and how they can improve their success dramatically by being more selective.
Or maybe we should discuss why in dating or finding someone that the importance of "what am i getting out of it" is more important then "what am i bringing to the table?"
1. Women (and men who are in touch with what truly attracts them and not desperately willing to f anything) are attracted to less than 1% of people. And it is never the same 1%. Studies show that if you have 10 women look at 10 guys, each woman will choose a different guy as the 'most attractive'..
If you have the goods to be selective enough to find 1% of the population attractive, then god bless you.
Same for unattractive guys, as we have to play the numbers game even moreso, so we can't spend a ton of time getting to know individual women, unless we think there is a good chance of it turning into a successful relationship.
And that is exactly why you fail.
People--male or female--like to feel like they are special, like the person who is chatting them up sees something in them that he or she doesn't see in anyone else, some quality that is particularly attractive about them.
Well, the only way to discover that quality is to take the time to get to know someone.
Using the numbers approach is like someone taking you to a football stadium, handing you a car key, and telling you that it opens the door to a car in the parking lot, and you rushing off and going from car to car trying to get in. You're going to waste far more time doing that than if you asked questions. What make and model? What year? What color is the exterior? Is the exterior detailed in any way? Does it have a spoiler? Any dents or need for body work? Are the windows tinted? What color is the interior? Is the interior cloth or leather?
You may wind up looking for a gun-metal gray 2014 Honda Accord with a black cloth interior, and end up with over a dozen cars to try, but it's better than running around higgledy-piggledy among tens of thousands of cars and getting frustrated when the key doesn't work after the hundredth try.
It sounds like you are saying the women are screwing up both ways, when they reject the guy who asked to soon and the one who waited.
I think you are missing a couple of huge points.
1. Women (and men who are in touch with what truly attracts them and not desperately willing to f anything) are attracted to less than 1% of people. And it is never the same 1%. Studies show that if you have 10 women look at 10 guys, each woman will choose a different guy as the 'most attractive'.
Putting these two pieces of information together, you can see that all humans will be rejected by almost all other humans. And this is fine, and it doesn't mean they are doing anything wrong, or are unattractive or anything. It just means they haven't yet found the person who they think is super-attractive [in whatever way that means for you: could mean--brainy and witty, not necessarily about looks] and who thinks the same thing about them.
2. It doesn't really matter whether you ask a girl early or late. If she is interested, she will say yes no matter when you ask.
#1 is another way of presenting a point I make from time to time. Everyone has a certain "type" they're looking for. MOST PEOPLE are NOT each other's "type". You should expect to get rejected by most people. It's normal. It's just part of the weeding-and-sifting process. I don't know that I'd put it so starkly as only 1%, it may vary for some people, but the chances of finding someone are generally slim. We can quibble about how slim. But nobody said it was easy. ...Did they?
And yes (#2), it doesn't matter how long you take to express your interest (within reason, meaning: you don't wait years), if she's into you. If she's not into you, it makes no difference whether you take an aggressive approach or any other approach.
People--male or female--like to feel like they are special, like the person who is chatting them up sees something in them that he or she doesn't see in anyone else, some quality that is particularly attractive about them.
Well, the only way to discover that quality is to take the time to get to know someone.
Using the numbers approach is like someone taking you to a football stadium, handing you a car key, and telling you that it opens the door to a car in the parking lot, and you rushing off and going from car to car trying to get in. You're going to waste far more time doing that than if you asked questions. What make and model? What year? What color is the exterior? Is the exterior detailed in any way? Does it have a spoiler? Any dents or need for body work? Are the windows tinted? What color is the interior? Is the interior cloth or leather?
You may wind up looking for a gun-metal gray 2014 Honda Accord with a black cloth interior, and end up with over a dozen cars to try, but it's better than running around higgledy-piggledy among tens of thousands of cars and getting frustrated when the key doesn't work after the hundredth try.
It doesn't work like that.
What will happen is he will meet a woman at work, or school, get to know her well, think she is the most special woman on Earth, and she will see him as a friend. After that happens 5 or 6 times, you suggest continuing to approach in that manner?
'Cuz it can and has happened that many times and can happen many more.
How many men have you rejected in that manner? And you still suggest it? Unreal.
Numbers game doesn't mean approaching 100 women in a bar and asking yes or no. It means getting to know them and then expressing your interest as soon as practically possible. The getting to know part happens while you are dating.
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. Because, if they are, why would I want to be with them? But usually it is not that. Sometimes, if it's really bugging me, I ask them what they saw that I did not, and the answers are enlightening.
.
l. The socially ackward guy is the guy who recognizes the field in front of him is full of political, etc landmines. The best advice is to totally stop with the power brokering and gender politics in dating etc period. Accept diversity, love people for who they are and stop being a used car salesman and stop always trying to find the best of everything. Everyone is the best in there own way. 
Stop lumping us all together!
