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They probably did not get bured very bad if at all in their last divorce. Guys that get stuck with huge finanical burdens are not usually quick to sign on again.
It's hard to tell online, but you give off an "I need a relationship" vibe when I read your posts. I wonder if that comes across in your dating profile? That could translate wrong for these men regardless of your statement about being casual.
Wow, that's interesting. I guess it's because I talk about relationships here... but maybe I am coming across this way. Funny thing is it's really the opposite. I am going on five years since my divorce and I've only started dating the past couple of years (I date for a couple of months, then taking breaks from it for a couple of months). For me, a relationship is a luxury that I want (a casual one), but I don't need. That's why I keep turning away this serious relationship-minded men. But it's interesting that I give off that vibe. Although I would think that kind of "needy" vibe would scare most men off.
Wow, that's interesting. I guess it's because I talk about relationships here... but maybe I am coming across this way. Funny thing is it's really the opposite. I am going on five years since my divorce and I've only started dating the past couple of years (I date for a couple of months, then taking breaks from it for a couple of months). For me, a relationship is a luxury that I want (a casual one), but I don't need. That's why I keep turning away this serious relationship-minded men. But it's interesting that I give off that vibe. Although I would think that kind of "needy" vibe would scare most men off.
Probably scares of the younger men who aren't interested in long-term commitment, but the more serious minded men are looking for just that.
I've run into this as well (along with never married men dying to marry)and I suspect these are the guys who can't be alone. Many of the divorced men apparently were so upset they got divorced that they want to be married again. Some had reasons like they couldn't take care of themselves (not exactly a good way to marry). As for them contacting, the simple fact is men (women probably too but I don't date women)often don't read the profile. Mine stated I wanted eventual marriage yet got a lot of men looking for casual sex.
I'm baffled as to why disinclination towards being alone is regarded as an undesirable trait. The implication is that relationships are an entirely optional accessory to life, so a person who regards being in a relationship as essential, has misplaced priorities and a warped perspective. Why?
Let me attempt to put a more positive spin on this. As highlife2 pointed out, if a man was stung by a bilious divorce proceeding, or was groaning under a burdensome marriage, he'd learn from that experience and would shy away from remarrying. But if the marriage was good and the divorce not too egregious, he would retain a positive view of marriage, and would aim to return to married-life. Well, from a woman's viewpoint, would not the latter type of man be more desirable?
I'm baffled as to why disinclination towards being alone is regarded as an undesirable trait. The implication is that relationships are an entirely optional accessory to life, so a person who regards being in a relationship as essential, has misplaced priorities and a warped perspective. Why?
Let me attempt to put a more positive spin on this. As highlife2 pointed out, if a man was stung by a bilious divorce proceeding, or was groaning under a burdensome marriage, he'd learn from that experience and would shy away from remarrying. But if the marriage was good and the divorce not too egregious, he would retain a positive view of marriage, and would aim to return to married-life. Well, from a woman's viewpoint, would not the latter type of man be more desirable?
For me it's not so much that men want to marry. It's the mindset of going to look for a wife like it's a job vacancy to be filled.
For example, if you meet someone, fall in love, things are great and you decide, "wow, I want to marry this person!" That's one thing. I have no problem with that. But people going out with the attitude of, "I want to find *someone* to marry" and go about trying to find a to fill that spouse position are the ones that concern me (and seem to be the ones I run into... at least, that's my impression). This is just my opinion, but I suspect those are the types of second marriages that end up most often as second divorces as well.
For me it's not so much that men want to marry. It's the mindset of going to look for a wife like it's a job vacancy to be filled.
For example, if you meet someone, fall in love, things are great and you decide, "wow, I want to marry this person!" That's one thing. I have no problem with that. But people going out with the attitude of, "I want to find *someone* to marry" and go about trying to find a to fill that spouse position are the ones that concern me (and seem to be the ones I run into... at least, that's my impression). This is just my opinion, but I suspect those are the types of second marriages that end up most often as second divorces as well.
Becasue we are not immortal and when the random meeting and marriage is not working out some people take fate into their own hands. Also setting up FWB situations is not easy for all men and the only way some men are going to get sex is in a relationship and most guys are not ok with involentary celibacy if you have not figured that out from being on here already.
For me it's not so much that men want to marry. It's the mindset of going to look for a wife like it's a job vacancy to be filled.
For example, if you meet someone, fall in love, things are great and you decide, "wow, I want to marry this person!" That's one thing. I have no problem with that. But people going out with the attitude of, "I want to find *someone* to marry" and go about trying to find a to fill that spouse position are the ones that concern me (and seem to be the ones I run into... at least, that's my impression). This is just my opinion, but I suspect those are the types of second marriages that end up most often as second divorces as well.
Your thread is the first I've heard of this. Usually women complain that men aren't commitment-minded.
Okay, I went back and looked at my profile (which I haven't touched since I created it). This is the exact wording I have that's causing "confusion"...
"Right now I am looking for something light and fun, nothing too serious."
I thought it was pretty clear, but evidently, it's not.
So you want some male attention and some sex??
Stop being so confusing and just be 100% honest about what you want.
Your thread is the first I've heard of this. Usually women complain that men aren't commitment-minded.
I'd say I am an odd duck, but it seems to be more common for women over 35 who are divorced to not want to marry so much as younger women. There are lots of reason really and everyone is different. The census data seem to back this up and men I've dated said they are having a hard time finding women who want to "settle down."
Stop being so confusing and just be 100% honest about what you want.
I would like, eventually, to be emotionally close to just one man. I don't like this dating around stuff I am doing now--it's just a necessarily evil to meet someone. So I don't want "male" attention, I want the attention of one, special man. In other words, I am just looking for a boyfriend at this point. But without the whole, "5 step plan" or whatever to the alter or moving in together that some seem to have. I want to keep my independence.
She's not being too confusing. The thing is she wants what is very similar to a FWB, with the possibility of a relationship on her terms. That's not an easy thing to do. The middle ground of FWB and relationship is very hard to be successful at. She had it with her last guy, but the moment she wanted definition of what they were doing (wanting to be more than an FWB), he tucked tail and ran. I'd love a situation like what she's asking for, but I haven't met a woman that wants just that. I like what Jillabean is trying to do; however, it may be hard to find that person who is willing to fit in that box. Kinda what she's after is best for a man cheating on his wife or girlfriend. She can get all the fun she wants, but none of the relationship headache. Good thing is, OP has no desire to sleep with a married man, which brings us back to square one.
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