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In my recent, personal dating experience over the last month. I keep meeting men who want to jump two feet first into something "serious" that could lead toward marriage. Some actually bring it up marriage on the first date! While the Census numbers show more men remarry after a divorce... it's not the numbers I am finding anecdotally. So I am starting to suspect there is something about my profile leads men think I am the "marrying type." I am just not getting responses from the seemingly casual men that I am contacting and I am getting lots of contact from men who are interested in something leading to marriage. I hate wasting my time (and the time of the men contacting me) if we are worlds apart on this issue.
So the questions... for the men who want to remarry or did, why? What is it that you are looking for in a woman (and in a profile)? I want to know so I can downplay those attributes. And the ones who want something more casual (and I mean an actual casual as in a not so serious relationship... not a one night stand or booty call "relationship"), what are you looking for in a woman or a profile? I want to highlight those attributes. One man I dated... after we found out we were worlds apart, gave me some advice. He said to leave the tom-boyish photos I had, but add some more "sexy" and feminine photos (I only have one of those on the site right now).
BTW, I realize that it is it possible that what I am looking for is just really hard to find that it's nearly impossible. But I would like to try. I have nothing to lose after all.
Also, when I tried to Google the subject, I mostly came up with articles about why women don't want to remarry (I already know why I don't want to remarry) and blog articles that are so sexist, insulting, and simplistic towards men that I can't possible take them seriously.
If it helps, right now, I just want to date, have a loving relationship, and enjoy the company of a man while he enjoys my company as well. No more. No "agenda." If it grows over time naturally, fine. But it doesn't need to grow beyond dating or boyfriend/girlfriend. As far as marriage, I am not too keen to give up my personal, legal, and financial freedom again--especially my personal freedom. That's not to say that maybe, someday I might really fall for someone and he for me and we do tie the knot again. But he would have to be an extremely special man and even then, that's a long way off.
why dont you state exactly what you want from a man on your profile? assuming youre dating online
I do this, but I will concede that you are right (in that I don't state exactly what I want) because the responses are not what I am looking for. I must not be very clear. It's kind of hard because once you put the word "casual" in a profile, suddenly people think you want to date around or have casual sex. I need to think of a good way to write what I want. So knowing what the men that I am looking for are looking for in a woman will help. I hope
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,930,903 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean
I do this, but I will concede that you are right (in that I don't state exactly what I want) because the responses are not what I am looking for. I must not be very clear. It's kind of hard because once you put the word "casual" in a profile, suddenly people think you want to date around or have casual sex. I need to think of a good way to write what I want. So knowing what the men that I am looking for are looking for in a woman will help. I hope
You explain in clearly enough here. Just use the same language. Simple. Despite what some would have you believe, we actually speak the same language.
You explain in clearly enough here. Just use the same language. Simple. Despite what some would have you believe, we actually speak the same language.
Okay, I went back and looked at my profile (which I haven't touched since I created it). This is the exact wording I have that's causing "confusion"...
"Right now I am looking for something light and fun, nothing too serious."
I thought it was pretty clear, but evidently, it's not.
Okay, I went back and looked at my profile (which I haven't touched since I created it). This is the exact wording I have that's causing "confusion"...
"Right now I am looking for something light and fun, nothing too serious."
I thought it was pretty clear, but evidently, it's not.
That doesn't tell me you are looking for a ltr with focus towards marriage....wonder where these men are seeing it, unless I am blind. It may be the website that is the problem, not your profile. What I mean, is that the website advertises the number of successful marriages, etc.....eharmony, and match seem to advertise themselves are marriage minded in my area.
Take the "right now" out of the description....that's all I can think of
"If it helps, right now, I just want to date, have a loving relationship, and enjoy the company of a man while he enjoys my company as well. No more. No "agenda.""
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,930,903 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by rego00123
Take the "right now" out of the description....that's all I can think of
"If it helps, right now, I just want to date, have a loving relationship, and enjoy the company of a man while he enjoys my company as well. No more. No "agenda.""
Say this in your profile!
I agree with this. I'd even flat out at the end of that "I'm not looking to get remarried".
I think the men contacting you are ignoring what you say, and maybe they even think they can "convert" you into wanting them since clearly are outstandingly amazing! ;-)
Being that eager to remarry raises a red flag for me, because it usually means they haven't processed the loss of their previous partner and are trying to "recapture" that. That doesn't bode well for you I think...
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