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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by weezerfan84
My experience has just been very different. If we never exchanged numbers on the site than we never met up in person either. I've probably met between 35-40 women online and I exchanged numbers with all of them. It didn't mean we were gonna be a match, it just seemed the guarantee was better for us to meet. I've exchanged numbers with women and we never met up, but 8/10 times we met up. Those are odds I can work with.
Interesting. I never exchange numbers with people I have plans to meet from OLD until we made plans, then send my number in case something comes up day of.
Maybe we were better off without cell phones and had to make more formal plans to meet, and for kids to have to go through the gauntlet of speaking to her dad on the home phone and asking, "Hi, is, uuuuuh, Mary there? Can I talk to her?" in a crackling voice...
HAhaha...this reminds me of the time I first called my husband's house (then boyfriend). His mother answered the phone so I said "hell this is xyz...can I speak with abc please?" She said "which one?" It was then I realized he shared his dad's first name.
Well I didn't want to say "the younger one" and imply his dad was old, so I said "junior??" to which I got a very snippy "He's NOT a junior". Okaaaaayyyy then.
Interesting. I never exchange numbers with people I have plans to meet from OLD until we made plans, then send my number in case something comes up day of.
I, too, would prefer to communicate through the website until we meet up in person.
In my experience, all texting meant was a much better guarantee that we are going to meet within a week. Women have never said I freaked them out and women have never freaked me out by texting a little too frequently. If it bothers me than they are not a good match for me. If they feel I'm communicating with them too much, than they can feel the same way about me.
My texting frequency has dropped over the years, but one thing remains the same for me. I've had women text me more and they didn't even like texting much themselves. They wanted to get to know me and during work hours, if we had the time to text, we did. Also in my experience, if the woman was a really lite texter with me, it kinda also meant she just wasn't very interested in me either. I've never had a situation where a person texted, but didn't text me much, and we worked out to be anything. That's from online dating and not from meeting someone out in public.
Even when I'm fine with lite communication, it just never seemed to transpire into anything anyways.
Again, being a light texter has nothing to do with level of interest. Although I am sure that was your experience and it's interesting to think that. I wonder if men think I won't be interested in them since I don't really like to text much. But like I said, most of these guys have bare bones, nothing profiles--and their messages (at least on the OLD site) are short and don't give much info either. Which makes a text conversation VERY hard. What do you text about to a complete stranger?
For what it's worth, I don't even text friends or family... except once in a blue moon. Even when I dated long distance, I would maybe send one text a day. I saved "conversations" for e-mail letters.
Texting doesn't freak me out at all. I just find it annoying. Not getting the texts, but the expectation from men I've never met (or just met) put on me to respond quickly. Like the guy who freaked out when I didn't text him back withing an hour. But once I meet a guy, I am open to a little texting (have to compromise after all). It's the whole, "before you meet/to know if you want to meet" concept of it.
Interesting. I never exchange numbers with people I have plans to meet from OLD until we made plans, then send my number in case something comes up day of.
This is pretty much me too and my reasoning. And like I said, I added it to my profile. If I could get away with not exchanging numbers until after we meet, I would do it. Most guys are nice, normal people... but every now and then you get someone who doesn't take no, not interested (after we've met) for an answer.
When I did OLD, I'd exchange messages for a couple of days to gauge interest. Once I felt we clicked, we exchanged numbers for texting/calling (usually texting; I hate talking on the phone.) Then we would arrange to meet. That's just how I did it.
I hate texting. It's awful for carrying on a conversation, and I don't like staring at my phone waiting for a message. Either use the phone and have a real dialog or write letters (email is fine). Honestly I think texting is wrecking a lot of people's chances at connecting with others.
Again, being a light texter has nothing to do with level of interest. Although I am sure that was your experience and it's interesting to think that. I wonder if men think I won't be interested in them since I don't really like to text much. But like I said, most of these guys have bare bones, nothing profiles--and their messages (at least on the OLD site) are short and don't give much info either. Which makes a text conversation VERY hard. What do you text about to a complete stranger?
For what it's worth, I don't even text friends or family... except once in a blue moon. Even when I dated long distance, I would maybe send one text a day. I saved "conversations" for e-mail letters.
Texting doesn't freak me out at all. I just find it annoying. Not getting the texts, but the expectation from men I've never met (or just met) put on me to respond quickly. Like the guy who freaked out when I didn't text him back withing an hour. But once I meet a guy, I am open to a little texting (have to compromise after all). It's the whole, "before you meet/to know if you want to meet" concept of it.
I'll answer your bold. It's kind of break the ice stuff. Sadly, it's stuff that's not always meant for texting, but conversation tends to always go down that path. I've only had a few situations where we were able to turn around a do a meetup in 24 hours or less. Those situations I tend to text very lite, since the turn around is so quick. For me, most of the time there's a week or more before a meet up. With summer here, there's vacations, kids, and work schedules to work around. Also, if she's attractive, I'd be dumb to think that she isn't dating other guys too. Part of my plan is to stay relevant in her mind as well. If she's got a few guys that she's talking to than I could be easily forgotten. I don't know if the guys are good guys or chumps, since I just assume. I'm dating other people as well, but from experience, I'm not hitting it off either.
Once conversation tends to lag, there's a good chance that there's no chemistry. That's before the meet or even after the meet. I've yet to have a relationship that worked after communication started to severely lag inbetween dates. I mean going out on a Thursday or Friday and then no communication till Monday or Tuesday. In my generation, it seems to be a given that if you can communicate even just a little bit each day, you have a better shot of working. Once it starts hitting 24-48 hours of no communication than I tend to just not really hear from them again. Whether they are busy or not interested, there's not enough effort put forth to continue. I don't want to feel stupid chasing when I feel I'm carrying all the weight. It's a pride thing so I bow out in order to keep my pride. It's also a stranger so why go hard chasing?
I'm in the South too, where many women aren't busy in a Corporate America jobs either. Even the women I know who are successful professionals still make time to make lunch dates with girlfriends, post on Facebook, and other social media apps. It's not that there's no time, there's just no interest to communicate or even meet. No harm no foul.
I'll answer your bold. It's kind of break the ice stuff. Sadly, it's stuff that's not always meant for texting, but conversation tends to always go down that path. I've only had a few situations where we were able to turn around a do a meetup in 24 hours or less. Those situations I tend to text very lite, since the turn around is so quick. For me, most of the time there's a week or more before a meet up. With summer here, there's vacations, kids, and work schedules to work around. Also, if she's attractive, I'd be dumb to think that she isn't dating other guys too. Part of my plan is to stay relevant in her mind as well. If she's got a few guys that she's talking to than I could be easily forgotten. I don't know if the guys are good guys or chumps, since I just assume. I'm dating other people as well, but from experience, I'm not hitting it off either.
Once conversation tends to lag, there's a good chance that there's no chemistry. That's before the meet or even after the meet. I've yet to have a relationship that worked after communication started to severely lag inbetween dates. I mean going out on a Thursday or Friday and then no communication till Monday or Tuesday. In my generation, it seems to be a given that if you can communicate even just a little bit each day, you have a better shot of working. Once it starts hitting 24-48 hours of no communication than I tend to just not really hear from them again. Whether they are busy or not interested, there's not enough effort put forth to continue. I don't want to feel stupid chasing when I feel I'm carrying all the weight. It's a pride thing so I bow out in order to keep my pride. It's also a stranger so why go hard chasing?
I'm in the South too, where many women aren't busy in a Corporate America jobs either. Even the women I know who are successful professionals still make time to make lunch dates with girlfriends, post on Facebook, and other social media apps. It's not that there's no time, there's just no interest to communicate or even meet. No harm no foul.
I have no problem with communicating of finding the time to... I just don't get why it has to be in the form of texting (or nothing) for some men from the get go instead of using the online dating IMing or messaging (which you pay for anyway). Heck, even the sites themselves say not to give your your number right away.
I guess I am wondering what is it about texting specifically that is inherently so much better than the online platform (either with the IM feature or the email feature)? Like I said, when I ask why, the men either never answer (they shut down when I tell them I rather "talk" a little using that platform first) or they just say they "like it better" but don't explain why. I tried it, and like I said, I really don't get to know a guy when he texts me things like, "Coke or Pepsi?" "Burgers or Italian?" "Science Fiction or Horror?" Or "How ru?" "What's Up?"
I'd wonder if it's an age thing, thinking maybe 20-30-year-olds are more inclined to text, and I am a bit old fashion. But I get first messages from men in their 40s and 50s that seem to want to text only. Oddly enough, I've noticed (with the men that contact me) it's usually the older guys too (the younger 40s tend to like to call--which I am fine with actually. As long as we are moving towards setting up an actual date to meet).
I don't know, the texting things seems to set off red flags. Maybe some guys just like it for reasons they can't explain. But like I said, scammers typically try to pull you away from a site ASAP. And men who want to break the rules of the site tend to want to draw you away too. All this according to the sites themselves. And I also wonder if maybe these men want to "hide" the online site too. Maybe if their wife walks by and he's texting he can say it's work... but it's hard to hide a big screen that says "Online Dating Site .com."
I have no problem with communicating of finding the time to... I just don't get why it has to be in the form of texting (or nothing) for some men from the get go instead of using the online dating IMing or messaging (which you pay for anyway). Heck, even the sites themselves say not to give your your number right away.
I guess I am wondering what is it about texting specifically that is inherently so much better than the online platform (either with the IM feature or the email feature)? Like I said, when I ask why, the men either never answer (they shut down when I tell them I rather "talk" a little using that platform first) or they just say they "like it better" but don't explain why. I tried it, and like I said, I really don't get to know a guy when he texts me things like, "Coke or Pepsi?" "Burgers or Italian?" "Science Fiction or Horror?" Or "How ru?" "What's Up?"
I'd wonder if it's an age thing, thinking maybe 20-30-year-olds are more inclined to text, and I am a bit old fashion. But I get first messages from men in their 40s and 50s that seem to want to text only. Oddly enough, I've noticed it's usually the older guys too (the younger 40s tend to like to call--which I am fine with actually. As long as we are moving towards setting up an actual date to meet).
I prefer phone/text. Either/or is fine with me. Truthfully, I just want to get off the site. I hate logging in and checking my email repeatedly to respond. Exchanging numbers gets me off the site. Truthfully, I don't care for online dating, but I just don't meet many people in my circle of life.
What I bolded is the idle conversation I have never had. I've never started idle conversation like that either. That's absolutely mundane. If that's what you think texting is about than you have a terrible idea of it.
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