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How many conversations do you carry on at once? You must get significant interest. My cut off is at three. I can keep three communications going without any complications. I'm also still capable of weeding out the ones that don't fit what I'm looking for. If you're rotating five or more I can see how it can get confusing. Plus, I don't want to juggle more than three, because I feel it's bad karma.
Generally it's three... the one who is being phased out, the one I am going to date soon, and the one behind him if the one I am dating soon doesn't work out. Ideally #2 works out and I cancel the date with #3. But it hasn't happened yet.
I am usually only texting #2 because I've phased out #1 (although he might still send me a message or two) and I haven't yet exchanged numbers with guy #3. I get other messages too including men I have gone out with at least once who are showing renewed interest after fading off (old #1s you could call them). I feel like, since I had a face-to-face interaction with them, it's only polite to respond... so it get complicated.
But again, I am mainly talking about men who won't interact unless you text them and they never exchange any other messages (not even on the site) other than the one asking you to text them. Like I said, I've gotten a few of those--not many, but enough that it stands out.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean
But again, I am mainly talking about men who won't interact unless you text them and they never exchange any other messages (not even on the site) other than the one asking you to text them. Like I said, I've gotten a few of those--not many, but enough that it stands out.
Completely perplexing to me. Sorry. I got nothing. Such a foreign concept.
Completely perplexing to me. Sorry. I got nothing. Such a foreign concept.
It is, that's why I am asking about it.
You know, OLD is a very interesting peek into human psychology though... this just being one aspect of it. You could even lump me into "perplexing" with my strong aversion to actively looking for commitment versus letting it happen organically. My thread on that seemed to indicate I was the odd one in that regard.
If I only understood it all.
Maybe it's time for me to find a college class to take (for fun) or a book to read about human psychology and modern dating.
Generally it's three... the one who is being phased out, the one I am going to date soon, and the one behind him if the one I am dating soon doesn't work out. Ideally #2 works out and I cancel the date with #3. But it hasn't happened yet.
I am usually only texting #2 because I've phased out #1 (although he might still send me a message or two) and I haven't yet exchanged numbers with guy #3. I get other messages too including men I have gone out with at least once who are showing renewed interest after fading off (old #1s you could call them). I feel like, since I had a face-to-face interaction with them, it's only polite to respond... so it get complicated.
But again, I am mainly talking about men who won't interact unless you text them and they never exchange any other messages (not even on the site) other than the one asking you to text them. Like I said, I've gotten a few of those--not many, but enough that it stands out.
I guess I keep avoiding the bold because I just flat out don't understand. That makes absolutely no sense to me. Even if a woman wasn't comfortable exchanging her number with me, but was cool with still messaging on the site, I'd have no problem with it. What you're dealing with is bizarre to me.
Interesting. I didn't know that. You'd think they could use a little common sense though to figure out if someone is real. For example, if you think someone is an overseas scammer, ask them about local happenings and events (like the weather, local sports team, where they do grocery shopping, etc). If they are a local scammer, chances are they will have a cell number and you still can't tell from texts if the person is for real.
Me, I just ask them to meet for coffee--then I can see face-to-face if they are real. That's my favorite thing to do (after some screening to weed out the jerks and crazies) because, until I meet a person, in person, I really don't get a sense of who he is. People come across a lot differently in written communication than they do in person.
Its less about weeding out scammers and more about weeding out these ferel women who will go back and forth on the dating site only to disappear after several days of messaging. Guys dont want to waste their time messaging back and forth if all a woman is giong to do is drop off.
I guess I keep avoiding the bold because I just flat out don't understand. That makes absolutely no sense to me. Even if a woman wasn't comfortable exchanging her number with me, but was cool with still messaging on the site, I'd have no problem with it. What you're dealing with is bizarre to me.
Its not bizare, my friend is dealing with these women that just kind of casually chat on the dating site then disappear. Thats not what he is on there for so that is a way to weed out women who are not serious about the dating process.
You know, OLD is a very interesting peek into human psychology though... this just being one aspect of it. You could even lump me into "perplexing" with my strong aversion to actively looking for commitment versus letting it happen organically. My thread on that seemed to indicate I was the odd one in that regard.
If I only understood it all.
Maybe it's time for me to find a college class to take (for fun) or a book to read about human psychology and modern dating.
Guess I will stop at the library this evening!
most guys on OLD are past the point of "letting it happen organicly" and they want a woman by their side. They want a best friend and regular sex and some guys are agressivly weeding out the ferel cats.
Its less about weeding out scammers and more about weeding out these ferel women who will go back and forth on the dating site only to disappear after several days of messaging. Guys dont want to waste their time messaging back and forth if all a woman is giong to do is drop off.
Men do this in equal numbers, believe me. You should not be invested in anyone that soon though that you should count on or look forward to hearing from them. Nothing is real until you've met, that is my new mantra. It is only since I've been able to let go of any attachment to outcome that I was actually able to start enjoying the dating process. I would never personally message anyone for several days on end before meeting now, to me I want to just meet. For that reason I am now much more selective about meeting only men who are fairly local to me.
I am meeting a guy tonight for coffee that I sent a message to Saturday, he answered with his phone number Sunday, I called Monday, we chatted for about 5 minutes and made plans to meet tonight, and we haven't spoken or communicated again until tonight, when we spoke for a minute to firm up the time. To me that is appropriate as a degree of communication prior to meeting if the person is near enough to meet for coffee or a drink instead.
It annoys me if guys I haven't met yet text me "How was your day?" type texts. That to me is for after you know someone, not before. I think too much small talk can cause attraction to fizzle before you even meet.
I know this may not be everyone's ideal method, but I did it the other way for years and got very discouraged by the entire thing. Since I changed the way I date and communicate prior to meeting, I can honestly say it's kind of fun now rather than depressing, because I'm no longer spending time thinking about someone prior to meeting or spending any energy getting to know them prior to meeting, so if it doesn't work out when we meet, I have no emotional investment in us being a match and I don't feel disappointed if we're not like I used to. Coincidence or not I don't know, but I feel I'm meeting better quality people as well (and wasting much less time) doing it this way.
Men do this in equal numbers, believe me. You should not be invested in anyone that soon though that you should count on or look forward to hearing from them. Nothing is real until you've met, that is my new mantra. It is only since I've been able to let go of any attachment to outcome that I was actually able to start enjoying the dating process. I would never personally message anyone for several days on end before meeting now, to me I want to just meet. For that reason I am now much more selective about meeting only men who are fairly local to me.
I am meeting a guy tonight for coffee that I sent a message to Saturday, he answered with his phone number Sunday, I called Monday, we chatted for about 5 minutes and made plans to meet tonight, and we haven't spoken or communicated again until tonight, when we spoke for a minute to firm up the time. To me that is appropriate as a degree of communication prior to meeting if the person is near enough to meet for coffee or a drink instead.
It annoys me if guys I haven't met yet text me "How was your day?" type texts. That to me is for after you know someone, not before. I think too much small talk can cause attraction to fizzle before you even meet.
I know this may not be everyone's ideal method, but I did it the other way for years and got very discouraged by the entire thing. Since I changed the way I date and communicate prior to meeting, I can honestly say it's kind of fun now rather than depressing, because I'm no longer spending time thinking about someone prior to meeting or spending any energy getting to know them prior to meeting, so if it doesn't work out when we meet, I have no emotional investment in us being a match and I don't feel disappointed if we're not like I used to. Coincidence or not I don't know, but I feel I'm meeting better quality people as well (and wasting much less time) doing it this way.
I like the way you think here. This is something that I'm learning to do myself. It's not easy, but I have just had to take the relationship mindset off the table for now.
Its less about weeding out scammers and more about weeding out these ferel women who will go back and forth on the dating site only to disappear after several days of messaging. Guys dont want to waste their time messaging back and forth if all a woman is giong to do is drop off.
Ferel women?
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