Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 07-18-2014, 09:13 AM
 
15,013 posts, read 21,574,277 times
Reputation: 12334

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Maxwellian View Post
I'm European and around where I live, we do not have a courtship phase that is typical for American dating. Pretty much everything from paying for dates to gift giving is in turns and pretty balanced.

Personally, I like to be a gentleman and pay for everything. But if you're a guy and you try to always pay for dates or treat her like a princess, the great majority of women around here won't let you! Most people around here see this balanced approach as positive, but I don't really, I always wanted to 'court' a girl in an old-fashioned way and treat her like a lady.

Anyway, 4 months ago, I met an amazing American girl who lives here and we both felt mutual attraction from the get go. We've been dating since then, and I took this opportunity to court her 'the American way.' I'm happily paying for everything, as a gentleman is supposed to do. I've never let her pay. I'm always opening doors for her and helping her into her jacket. I'm showering her with gifts. I spoil her and treat her like a princess and she enjoys it a lot. And to be honest, I'm loving it, too. It's so much more fun than what I'm used to.

I would like to continue this for at least another 6-12 months, if not forever, but I don't want her to think I'm weird for doing so.

So, this question is especially for the (American) women:

How long should the courtship phase last?

Is it something you enjoy a lot or do you rather prefer a more egalitarian approach to dating where you're taking turns and share the costs equally?

Would you feel weird if the guy wants to continue to court you, and always pay for you, and treat you like a special lady?

Sorry if my questions sound naive... different cultures, you know.

Thank you!
What a wonderful post and from a European no less. I am shocked and love it. She will love you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 07-18-2014, 09:14 AM
 
2,179 posts, read 4,973,401 times
Reputation: 996
Quote:
Originally Posted by *Sixy* View Post
I agree...but I was raised pretty traditionally and I also dated my husband more than 20yrs ago, so it seems times have changed since then.

He didn't always pay...I would chip in or foot the bill, especially when I was working and he wasn't (through college) but for the most part we are a pretty traditional couple. We prefer traditional roles in general, but there are things we will do that don't fit that mold as well.
Yeah that's what I like myself
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-18-2014, 09:38 AM
 
7 posts, read 12,526 times
Reputation: 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares View Post
Sorry, I don't believe that. Sure it is more common for women to pay for dates than it is here but to say it is the rule that you are all the same, Im not buying.
If you don't believe me, maybe you believe Wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Going_Dutch#Europe

Quote:
In Austria, Denmark, Finland, Germany, Iceland, Republic of Ireland, Norway, Sweden, and Switzerland, the practice of splitting the bill in restaurants is common. In a courtship situation where both parties have a similar financial standing, the traditional custom of the man always paying in restaurants has largely fallen out of use and is by many, including etiquette authorities,[2] considered old fashioned; nevertheless it can be made more acceptable to the other party if explained beforehand. Generally a romantic couple will take turns paying the bill or split it. Generally it is assumed that everyone pays for himself or herself in restaurants unless the invitation stated otherwise.
First and foremost, it depends on the country you're in. I've lived in Denmark, Germany, Switzerland and Sweden and in all these countries dating is pretty modern. This is not true for all of Europe, for example, countries with a less stable financial standing (mostly southern Europe) are more likely to be still old-fashioned. Same goes for more conservative parts of the UK or France.

Quote:
I'm curious as to why? Have Europeans not experienced the gender job discrimination and wage discrepancies that the US did that allowed women to be financially dependent for so long or been brought up to believe women are week, helpless and childlike? Or why is Europe so far ahead of us in their dating culture?
Yes, we have experienced that. But people here believe that these times have long since passed. Thinking of a woman as week, helpless and childlike will probably make you look really bad. The chauvinistic, misogynistic pig kind of bad. I know lots of women who would say "Never ever would I make myself dependant on a man."

Quote:
Is the European mindset still traditional when It comes to other gender roles such as parenting and domestic responsibilities?
I see working age men with children every single day. Young men even. It's still far from being a "50% of single parents are male" situation, but the trend towards that is growing. I know of several cases where local courts have ruled in favor of joint custody of children, e.g. one week the child is with the mother, the other week the child is with the father, even if the child was the result of a one night stand and the mother was vehemently against that. Both the father and the mother had to pay child support then. But again, this varies from country to country. I'm sure you will find Europeans in this forum that have a totally different experience due to different laws.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-18-2014, 09:39 AM
 
Location: Virginia
2,765 posts, read 3,613,721 times
Reputation: 2355
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maxwellian View Post
I'm European and around where I live, we do not have a courtship phase that is typical for American dating. Pretty much everything from paying for dates to gift giving is in turns and pretty balanced.

Personally, I like to be a gentleman and pay for everything. But if you're a guy and you try to always pay for dates or treat her like a princess, the great majority of women around here won't let you! Most people around here see this balanced approach as positive, but I don't really, I always wanted to 'court' a girl in an old-fashioned way and treat her like a lady.

Anyway, 4 months ago, I met an amazing American girl who lives here and we both felt mutual attraction from the get go. We've been dating since then, and I took this opportunity to court her 'the American way.' I'm happily paying for everything, as a gentleman is supposed to do. I've never let her pay. I'm always opening doors for her and helping her into her jacket. I'm showering her with gifts. I spoil her and treat her like a princess and she enjoys it a lot. And to be honest, I'm loving it, too. It's so much more fun than what I'm used to.

I would like to continue this for at least another 6-12 months, if not forever, but I don't want her to think I'm weird for doing so.

So, this question is especially for the (American) women:

How long should the courtship phase last?

Is it something you enjoy a lot or do you rather prefer a more egalitarian approach to dating where you're taking turns and share the costs equally?

Would you feel weird if the guy wants to continue to court you, and always pay for you, and treat you like a special lady?

Sorry if my questions sound naive... different cultures, you know.

Thank you!
Do it as long as you feel is ok, as long as you are not being taken for a ride.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-18-2014, 09:50 AM
 
2,546 posts, read 6,857,858 times
Reputation: 2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maxwellian View Post
Oh, thank you for your kind words. I really appreciate that.

I guess you were raised in a more traditional way, then?

You're welcome
Yes. My mom always told me that a guy should always pay when going out/that's part of treating you right. Unfortunately it's very difficult to find a guy like that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-18-2014, 09:53 AM
 
7 posts, read 12,526 times
Reputation: 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth View Post
What a wonderful post and from a European no less. I am shocked and love it. She will love you.
Thanks, but why are you shocked that I'm European? Bad experiences with our kind?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-18-2014, 09:57 AM
 
35,975 posts, read 30,513,823 times
Reputation: 32253
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maxwellian View Post
If you don't believe me, maybe you believe Wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Going_Dutch#Europe

First and foremost, it depends on the country you're in. I've lived in Denmark, Germany, Switzerland and Sweden and in all these countries dating is pretty modern. This is not true for all of Europe, for example, countries with a less stable financial standing (mostly southern Europe) are more likely to be still old-fashioned. Same goes for more conservative parts of the UK or France.

Yes, we have experienced that. But people here believe that these times have long since passed. Thinking of a woman as week, helpless and childlike will probably make you look really bad. The chauvinistic, misogynistic pig kind of bad. I know lots of women who would say "Never ever would I make myself dependant on a man."

I see working age men with children every single day. Young men even. It's still far from being a "50% of single parents are male" situation, but the trend towards that is growing. I know of several cases where local courts have ruled in favor of joint custody of children, e.g. one week the child is with the mother, the other week the child is with the father, even if the child was the result of a one night stand and the mother was vehemently against that. Both the father and the mother had to pay child support then. But again, this varies from country to country. I'm sure you will find Europeans in this forum that have a totally different experience due to different laws.
Well that all sounds pretty much like it is here except perhaps Europeans seem to be just a bit ahead of us in the progressive race. Basically the same we just have a little catching up to do.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-18-2014, 09:57 AM
 
4,613 posts, read 4,776,469 times
Reputation: 4097
Quote:
Originally Posted by Autumn07 View Post
You're welcome
Yes. My mom always told me that a guy should always pay when going out/that's part of treating you right. Unfortunately it's very difficult to find a guy like that.
That's because some of OUR moms told us that letting people take advantage of us is not part of treating us right.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-18-2014, 10:08 AM
 
7 posts, read 12,526 times
Reputation: 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hivemind31 View Post
That's because some of OUR moms told us that letting people take advantage of us is not part of treating us right.
I think there's a difference that many people don't realize.

Always letting you pay for dates doesn't necessarily mean she's taking advantage of you, she will probably reciprocate some other way, e.g. with a home-cooked dinner, or she'll do something for you that doesn't cost her any money but is still valuable to you.

On the other hand, if she's highly narcissistic and materialistic and is annoyed because you haven't spent 500 $ on your first dinner date, you probably want to avoid her.

I think there's a huge difference between a woman taking advantage of you, and an old-fashioned woman who is looking for a gentleman. This thread is about the latter kind of woman.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-18-2014, 10:10 AM
 
4,613 posts, read 4,776,469 times
Reputation: 4097
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maxwellian View Post
I think there's a difference that many people don't realize.

Always letting you pay for dates doesn't necessarily mean she's taking advantage of you, she will probably reciprocate some other way, e.g. with a home-cooked dinner, or she'll do something for you that doesn't cost her any money but is still valuable to you.

On the other hand, if she's highly narcissistic and materialistic and is annoyed because you haven't spent 500 $ on your first dinner date, you probably want to avoid her.

I think there's a huge difference between a woman taking advantage of you, and an old-fashioned woman who is looking for a gentleman. This thread is about the latter kind of woman.
You'll note that none of the things you mentioned were brought up in the post I quoted. To a guy, that reeks of expectation, and expectation is often what determines that "difference" between the two things you're talking about.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top