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^^^This. "Hey, wanna do it" is not foreplay. Normally through looks, words, body language and touch, your spouse is indicating their desire for intimacy, not "want to have sex". Sex is something shared, not an item given from one person to another on demand.
You shouldn't have to ask, but if you're asking, the answer isn't always going to be yes. Timing is a big thing. When you have something to say or want something from your spouse, it helps if you think about more than yourself in the situation.
I leaned this years ago. College, even. Got pretty good at it, so I thought.
Then, dated a woman who apparently did not respond to foreplay. Tried a lot of things, either to no effect, or she would stop me. Even verbal flirting was met with a blank stare or a response of "stop, you're being nasty". Asked her what she liked, what turned her on, she said she didn't know. She just never liked sex and could never get comfortable enough with the idea of being a sexual being to ever learn what she liked, or let anyone really try things out with her. When we did have sex, it was basically "so, wanna do it" and then morbid, corpse-like missionary followed. I cut her loose eventually but for many other reasons than just sex.
These types really baffle me and I'm not going to blame the plumbing. It's a matter of neurons, or the lack thereof. If my guy made endless excuses to keep from being intimate with me, I would wonder if/how I am contributing to that.
I've done/said similar when I just wasn't attracted anymore and was afraid to say so. I wonder if that is the case for her. Whatever it is, he isn't doing his best to find out. He wants to be the victim.
If you get married to have sex, or think marriage equals sex, you're doing it wrong
If you live your life to have sex, you're living it wrong.
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