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Here are some tidbits from my local POF feed, women ages 24-33:
Cliches used:
love to travel? check
love dogs? check
love family? check
cheer on the local sports team? check
just as comfortable getting dirty outside as dressing up for a night on the town! check
like doing anything outdoors? check and double check
I could rearrange those cliches and write all their profiles for them.
Seriously, are people really that boring? Are they really that unoriginal and banal? I don't think that these women, in reality, have so little going on between their ears, but their profiles make it seem that way. I really don't want to think that.
On the plus side, since I live in a place where being fit is cool, there are a lot of "athletic" women that are actually athletic. Still, I can't stomach more than a few minutes of reading that dreck. I can tell everything I need to know from the pictures if they put at least 4 or 5, which most do.
I don't see anything there that isn't almost word for word the same in men's profiles, except maybe the dressing up part.
So are people complaining about free websites with essay portions (OKC, POF)
the essays 'do not' help you filter for 'my kind of person'? If you dismiss an essay as vapid, and you see duckface/silicon fishlips does that give you a sense of freedom and surety that you can click the red x and close the window without a doubt?
My gripe about the essay, is, that it just doesn't matter from the male perspective. No voice in the wilderness ever reached out to me because of what I wrote, and of the messages I sent, I was just one of the 49 other messages she got that day and didn't write back to.
My conclusion of OLD was, it was more efficient to smile and say "hi" in real life. I got 2, almost a third phone number from last friday night. I got nothing but a ladyboi trying to message me from 7,000 miles away from POF, after a month's effort of messaging "that looks interesting/hot/nice/ok" profiles.
Half of my messages from Okcupid tend to just say "Hi" or something less than a sentence. The rest are from guys who clearly didn't read my profile because I said outright what I am looking for and they don't offer that. Then I get a good amount of messages from guys saying something like I'm fat and that if I lost weight they would meet me. Yeah that's going to really make me want to spend time with you. Honestly, the free sites cater to losers IMO. Match is a lot better but not great by any means.
Half of my messages from Okcupid tend to just say "Hi" or something less than a sentence. The rest are from guys who clearly didn't read my profile because I said outright what I am looking for and they don't offer that. Then I get a good amount of messages from guys saying something like I'm fat and that if I lost weight they would meet me. Yeah that's going to really make me want to spend time with you. Honestly, the free sites cater to losers IMO. Match is a lot better but not great by any means.
I don't online date, but I'm wondering what do expect a man to say if not a simple "Hi"? A short bio?
I don't online date, but I'm wondering what do expect a man to say if not a simple "Hi"? A short bio?
No but I think it helps if you ask a question about something in her profile so she has a reason to answer. Otherwise it's just way too easy to ignore you. Or get caught up in--Him: Hi. Her: Hi yourself. Him: How are you? Her: Fine, how are you? Boring!
BTW, I really do like to travel and have been to many countries and now folks think that sounds high maintenance? I think a lot of people like the idea of travel but I really do travel and intensively.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut
I don't online date, but I'm wondering what do expect a man to say if not a simple "Hi"? A short bio?
Hi, I see you like (insert band name), have you heard (insert band name)? Sound like early era (insert band name). They're coming to (insert venue) and I'm thinking about checking them out.
Hi, great profile, I see you went to Belize too. Where did you visit? Did you stick to the Cayes or travel around? I went inland to _____ National Park to hike and visited the Mayan ruins at _______. Great experience, I'd like to get back there...
Anything to break the ice that shows you read their profiles.
I don't online date, but I'm wondering what do expect a man to say if not a simple "Hi"? A short bio?
The problem is that you're placing the onus of a conversation on the woman.
Otherwise, here's the conversation:
"Hi."
"Hi."
"..."
"..."
"That was fun. Talk to you later!"
"Rrrrright."
Online discussions require something you can bounce off of. The only other option is that you have... I don't know. Great abs? Maybe? Something that would make the woman want to make the first step.
Regardless, you will only attract a very limited type of person if your conversation spectrum is limited to 'hi'.
Online dating summed up, is average women with high standards and lots and lots of creepy dudes LOL
When I did it, the part I hated the most was trying to figure out if I was about to go out with a fat chick. They would put average or curvy on their profile and only have face pics. When I think average, I'm thinking someone that isn't athletic or rail thin, but someone that's still height weight proportionate. When I think curvy, I'm thinking a girl with a big behind, that's not too fat everywhere else.
Apparently, in the world of online dating, these words mean full figured. I got to the point that I wouldn't meet someone unless they had a full body pic or it said "slender" or "athletic" on their profile.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa
This must be similar to how, for men, 5'6" can easily be "rounded off" to 6'0", and if you post pics wearing a baseball cap, that means you don't have to mention that you are balding.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lucky4life
I read a study that showed that the average height of a man in the United states is just over 5-9, but the average height of men on Match.com is 5-11. LOL
Guys tend to lie about their income and height, and women tend to not own up to being overweight. This is common knowledge in the online dating game.
What sucks about this, is the fact that people like myself that tell the truth end up getting past over for someone that's full of #$%@. I'm in really great shape, average height, and I make just over 70k. I'm one of those guys that's competing for an attractive, educated woman with no kids. There are literally 3 guys like myself on these sights for every prize female, so it's an absolute dog fight to communicate with these women. If I wanted to seriously up my game, I could simply add a couple of inches making myself that golden 6ft, and add 30k to my salary and hit that eye-catching 100k mark. I have no doubt that this would double the amount of dates I would get, but I don't see the point, as I would only end up getting busted in the end.
I just don't understand this disingenuous behavior. Do these people believe that their date is going to like them so much that they overlook the fact that they're phony? There is nothing more awkward to me, than meeting a woman for dinner or a drink, that ends up being literally 30-40lbs overweight. I usually just go through with the date because I don't want to be rude, but part of me wants to sit them down and explain to them that 5-5 165lbs is not average, and unless you're built like Serena Williams, it's not curvy either.
Ugh, tell me about it. I am honestly 13 pounds overweight according to my BMI. I swim daily, work out in my house with a stepper and weights when I can't swim, eat healthy, etc... but those last 13 pounds are stubborn (used to be 15... so I am slowly making progress). But I look okay I think (I carry the weight in my hips, butt and thighs and it's distributed evenly). But when I started with online dating, I first was honest and said, "a few extra pounds" because it was true.
Got a lot of flak from people (usually guy-friends) saying I should put "average" because "a few extra pounds" meant "very overweight" and that I looked just fine weight-wise. So I said I would list myself as curvy... but again, they told me know, that that was code for fat and I didn't look "fat" to them. So now I am listed as "average" and I have a full body shot, from head to toe of me in a shorts and a short sleeve shirt (so you can see what I look like). Seems to work better about honestly showing what I look like. Those body build terms are so darn subjective that they are nearly useless.
And men do, indeed lie about their height. That's a concrete number and not subjective. I am not really much of a "height princess" (re: only date men over 6 feet tall or something like that). But I do prefer men at least my height or taller than me. At first, I didn't pay much attention to height in men's profiles. Then I started noticing that at 5'7" I was taller than every date I've been on in the past couple of month--EVERY SINGLE ONE. I went back and checked the heights listed online of the men I dated... all say they are 5'8"+ and one even said he was 5'10" (and I was still taller... and I was wearing flats). Um, unless I grew taller this spring, I think someone is lying.
So now I look at height online. It doesn't make me filter them out, but I think it gives me a better idea of what they look like when I meet them. And when I do meet them, how honest they are or what their hangups are (if they did lie).
Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka
No but I think it helps if you ask a question about something in her profile so she has a reason to answer. Otherwise it's just way too easy to ignore you. Or get caught up in--Him: Hi. Her: Hi yourself. Him: How are you? Her: Fine, how are you? Boring!
BTW, I really do like to travel and have been to many countries and now folks think that sounds high maintenance? I think a lot of people like the idea of travel but I really do travel and intensively.
I have a brief profile that talks about my hobbies, interests, etc. and what I am looking for in a man. I don't think anyone reads it (I talked before how I am just looking to date for now, nothing serious... and all I attract lately are serious relationship minded men for some reason). But I am with the people who don't get the "non profiles." So many just say, "Ask about me." And when you do, they want to exchange numbers and talk. I have no clue what to talk about to a complete stranger if there is nothing in their profile. I did make an attempt once to do so, and it was very awkward for me. Now I just ignore men who don't have profiles.
The other side of this is the men who have long, detailed profiles about what they want in a woman. Those things read like horoscopes to me (can fit just about anyone). And there is still no info on the man writing it to know if I would be interested in him or not.
I hate online dating... a lot. But like a crazy person banging my head into a wall, I keep trying it.
I might try a different site. I am on Match.com right now and it's very hard finding a man interested in a laid back, causal relationship. I might try something like Adult Friend Finder. Anyone ever try that site?
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what do expect a man to say if not a simple "Hi"? A short bio?
(I talked before how I am just looking to date for now, nothing serious... and all I attract lately are serious relationship minded men for some reason). But I am with the people who don't get the "non profiles." So many just say, "Ask about me." And when you do, they want to exchange numbers and talk. I have no clue what to talk about to a complete stranger if there is nothing in their profile. I did make an attempt once to do so, and it was very awkward for me. Now I just ignore men who don't have profiles. 
