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I think the reason that guys messages get shorter and shorter is because they have to cast a bigger and bigger net to get ANY attention (never mind what they really want). I think guys are getting more and more desperate in our society because there are no real healthy sexual outlets without getting into a serious relationship. This is why you see the whole over seas women thing increasing.
Then you get all these women crying about how guys want to "get laid" ..... yea and?
Your supposition doesn't make any sense. There are no healthy sexual outlets without getting into serious relationships, so then men are looking for mail order brides? How is that not a serious relationship if you bring a woman to this country and marry her???
You need to get over your idea that men have some sort of right to free sexual attention from women without a relationship. No one has that right, not even you. If you find someone willing to sleep with you NSA, great for you. But it's not something you deserve just because you have a schmekel.
Laid-back in its true meaning is a good trait. It means enjoying the journey the same as the destination. I consider myself as a female to possess that quality.
Sadly, in the OLD world, I think moonbeam's definition is pretty true. It is a glossy way to describe lazy.
I understand that it means different things to different people. But whenever I have met someone who was described as "laid back" they have usually turned out to be stoners or people who don't get excited about anything. Think about the actual words: laid back. As in laying back, doing nothing, interested in nothing, moved by nothing. Yeah, sounds great.
I remember one guy said this in his profile: My friends say if I were any more laid back I'd be dead!
I think the other alternative to the "hi how are you?" message is, "Hi! I like your profile. Check out mine and let me know if you are interested!" I get spammed with these all the time and a lot of times I can SEE that the men messaging me never looked at my profile. If I get bored and ask what it is about my profile they like, I mostly get no answer. Sometimes I will see that a man goes back to my profile and reads it then.
The sleazeball piece of scum CEO at my former employer was married but used eHarmony for mistresses. So yes lots of creepy men there.
That's part of the many problems with online dating - the married men looking for a side thing. (Makes me vomit to think of that). Then there are the psychos. Last of all, the ones who shoot way above their level.
The worst of all (as much as I hate to say this, but I have to) is that so many men think they're way way above their real level of superbness. They seek women they clearly don't belong with because these women are out of their league. I don't know if these men are completely out of touch with reality, or if they figure maybe the woman will go blind, deaf and stupid, and not notice. People need to start seeking others who are more like them.
LOL... okay, since I put the math question in my profile I've received over 25 messages telling me I am beautiful and have a wonderful profile and that I should message back. But no one has answered the question. (Last sentence of my profile says, "I seem to be getting a lot of spam and it makes it hard to tell what messages are real and which ones aren't. So if you read my profile and message me, please answer this question so I know you aren't a bot, what's 3x7?)
I don't know why I didn't think of this before as a way to weed out the spammers from the ones who might actually like me as a person.
It's like chicken and the egg. At least with me, I get so many "hi" and other short messages along with more detailed messages that look like they read my profile that I can't answer them all. So I have to pick and choose which ones to answer. It's not that I don't want to give certain guys attention, it's just a matter of being practical and I tend to respond to effort with effort of my own. I also don't stay on a dating site for long. My record is two months... so I am always kind of "Fresh blood." I think the general pattern (with women) is a lot of attention in the beginning and then it wanes off after a month or so.
I said it in another thread a long time ago, (as a strategy for men), don't message new women with "Hi" or other short or canned messages because those become a dime a dozen and your message will get lost in the shuffle. If a woman is new, send her a personal message. Save the canned and shorter messages for women with older profiles since the amount of "spam" for that woman has most likely died down and your message stands a better chance of being read.
I suppose the same is true of women. But then again, I don't message men in great numbers. Maybe only a handful (and I've read their profiles and know I am interested... and send them each a personalized message). Most don't get answered, but I send so few (and get enough messages sent to me) that I don't need to spam.
And for what it's worth, I don't want a serious relationship (I said that before). Maybe I am different in that regard, but I am also having a hard time finding a man who wants the same as I. So many seem to want something serious... to find, "The one," their "soul mate" or "the woman to spend the rest of my life with." It might be an age thing. Women who want to have children "need" to get in a serious relationship and find a potential spouse before her biological clock ticks out. Men have a longer time on their clocks. Me, I am not having any more kids (or marrying again). So there is no need for anything serious. But men my age (and older... since that's who wants to date me) tend to realize their mortality I think, and want to settle before it's "too late." It's like a trick of nature. Younger women are more likely to want to settle in a relationship, but younger men not so much. Older women aren't as likely to want to settle, but older men do.
Maybe I should go cougar!
Not all women do that though, I know for me when I first started OLD before I knew the game I would write out these well thought out messages but would keep getting no resposes. I have a life and stuff to get done as well. I never did get to the point of just writing "Hi" but it became apparent that I had to settle otherwise it was going to be a downward spiral.
Yeah, apparently people in general are lazy about messaging, at least on OKC. Around 75% or so of messages I received from women (25-40 age range) were just "Hi", sometimes "Hi how are you?" if they were feeling especially energetic that day, I guess. Why not just send a wink in that case?
The only thing worse that that is if you find them attractive enough to check out their profile, and discover the profile is pretty sparse with a generic sentence or two.
Nothing like being put on the spot to create a conversation with someone, but having absolutely no material to work with.
The bare profiles really tell me one thing. She knows she's going to get messages, and she's pretty much going to just pick and choose based on what she likes.
I scan through those and move on. I pay more attention to the people who actually write out what they like and do so I can genuinely see if there would be anything in common. Why do I want to put in the effort to discover we have nothing in common at all?
Your supposition doesn't make any sense. There are no healthy sexual outlets without getting into serious relationships, so then men are looking for mail order brides? How is that not a serious relationship if you bring a woman to this country and marry her???
You need to get over your idea that men have some sort of right to free sexual attention from women without a relationship. No one has that right, not even you. If you find someone willing to sleep with you NSA, great for you. But it's not something you deserve just because you have a schmekel.
No but desperate people do desperate things. I guess it boils down to how smart and calculating the desperate people are.
LOL... okay, since I put the math question in my profile I've received over 25 messages telling me I am beautiful and have a wonderful profile and that I should message back. But no one has answered the question. (Last sentence of my profile says, "I seem to be getting a lot of spam and it makes it hard to tell what messages are real and which ones aren't. So if you read my profile and message me, please answer this question so I know you aren't a bot, what's 3x7?)
I don't know why I didn't think of this before as a way to weed out the spammers from the ones who might actually like me as a person.
That's because 99% of guys on there are just interested in pics. It's no different than real life when a guy see's a cute woman at the mall. He has no idea if they have anything in common, but doesn't care. He just walks right up and fires away at whatever will give him a chance at taking her out.
At least with OLD, you can see if you have anything in common to start with. I admit that when I see an attractive face in my feed, and go read the profile and discover we have nothing in common, i get disappointed and go on my merry way rather than try and talk my way into a date with someone who we have nothing in common with at all. Why waste my time? (and hers)
BTW, i have come across a few profiles with a math question, or a "tell me your favorite color in subject line" request. usually at the very bottom of a LOOOOONG profile.
Years ago when I was still thinking about dating I was checking out the local profiles and found one for my cousin's husband. They divorced shortly thereafter, and no, I didn't tell her I saw that profile!
Another time I saw a guy I actually knew pretty well. He came in the restaurant where I worked every day. His profile had all the usual "love walking on the beach", etc. and what a "romantic" guy he was. Well...this guy was NOTHING like his profile and I knew it because I'd already known him for a few years. So, just for fun, I actually wrote to him and corresponded through the site for a few weeks. I'd hear him talking to his buddies at the restaurant about this woman he was 'dating', how into him she was, blah, blah, blah. I laughed my butt off listening to him. "She" finally told him "she" had met someone that "she" thought was going to become serious, "sorry we never got to meet and hope you have a good life." Next day he's telling his buddies that this woman turned out to be a real piece of work, after his money...he didn't have any! lol...and was just a gold digger. Other things too that I don't really remember but it was pretty good! Boy, he was feeling really "lucky" to have avoided all that! LOLOL I didn't ever tell him that was me but sometimes I wish I had.
That's pretty funny...hope nobody ever did that to me!
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Why not just send a wink in that case?
