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I've had a couple of crazies in a row now, so I'm a bit jaded. LOL
Well there is a significant difference between "you so crazy" and "somebody call the mental hospital". Who hasn't had their share of bat **** crazy ex's
Based on my experience, put in your profile that you are looking for a light, casual relationship... nothing too serious. Men looking for wives will come out in droves! lol That's what's happening to me now.
Seriously though, I am starting to think it has more to do with pictures than profile--because I clearly state I am not looking for anything too serious in my profile (yet I still attract marriage-minded men like bears to a beehive). My pictures tend to be conservative for the most part. A nice profile shot with a smile, a full body shot from when I was on some walking trails (me in shorts and a tee shirt), one of me at my favorite beach in the winter. Basically head shot, full body, and a 3/4 shot. And then I have me doing my favorite hobby, scuba diving. Me with all my cool looking tech gear on/hogarthian setup. I don't have a cleavage shot or overly "sexy" shot or glamor shot anything that's like a "tease." No duckface either, lol. So I am wondering if my pictures convey a message of "girl next door who you want to marry" or something.
Based on my experience, put in your profile that you are looking for a light, casual relationship... nothing too serious. Men looking for wives will come out in droves! lol That's what's happening to me now.
Seriously though, I am starting to think it has more to do with pictures than profile--because I clearly state I am not looking for anything too serious in my profile (yet I still attract marriage-minded men like bears to a beehive). My pictures tend to be conservative for the most part. A nice profile shot with a smile, a full body shot from when I was on some walking trails (me in shorts and a tee shirt), one of me at my favorite beach in the winter. Basically head shot, full body, and a 3/4 shot. And then I have me doing my favorite hobby, scuba diving. Me with all my cool looking tech gear on/hogarthian setup. I don't have a cleavage shot or overly "sexy" shot or glamor shot anything that's like a "tease." No duckface either, lol. So I am wondering if my pictures convey a message of "girl next door who you want to marry" or something.
I don't think it conveys that as all. You may just be in a season where people are marriage minded. Most of the time I've had options for flings with a woman, it was with a woman I wouldn't want to have a fling with. Think about that. The people that are willing to do what you would like, are possibly guys you wouldn't want to even touch you.
This is inspired by all the threads about how women's OLD profiles are terrible and unrealistic.
Imagine your ideal future wife. Forget the pics -- what does the text of her profile say? What catches your attention and fires up your imagination, making you think she just might be perfect for the long haul?
Yeah, so? That's what I do. What the crap is the point in not finding compatibility, at what does that have to do with being 35 or whatever? I didn't date incompatible women at 25, and I won't at 45.
Stupid thing is... the really compatible women I've messaged haven't bothered reply, and ones who blatantly aren't, contact me. I (being a "man" here, I guess) am not the problem so far as I can tell.
A man over 35 knows better than to compose a profile of his ideal woman. Why? Because he realizes (or hopefully realizes) that there's no ideal person out there. So why conjure up such an image? I have a list of deal breakers, things that I'll never accept no matter how great the person. But beyond that, everything is flexible.
So after going by photos (because that's the obvious first "filter", which is why Nila is not asking about that), and absence of deal-breakers, what would make you choose to contact one woman & not another?
Or is that? After that you send a message?
Quote:
Originally Posted by arleigh
Some women will identify some aspect as partially true but the problem is being transparently true.
Man; I am a wealthy cyclist, and ride 40 miles a day.
Girl responds ; "I ride too."
In reality she hasn't been on a bicycle in 20 years, or says to her self , "I could learn to ride."
What the man should then say ; Join me on a ride tomorrow.
In my world it seems most men want a companion that actually does things with him , not he does his thing, and she does her own thing.
Kind of defeats the purpose of being married.
IMO
Couples should have similar or the same profession , though that's extraordinary ,I still see it as an advantage.
Okay, so displaying personal interests in a genuine way so as to indicate whether or not you have stuff in common. Should interests preferably be listed directly or referenced in a more creative manner? Is it more about specific hobbies or general tastes (ie. specifically into cycling vs outdoorsy/sporty)?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Robert5
Sometimes the antimessage is the message. As you have observed, most of the responses from men in this thread don't even address the OP's question. If they aren't reading a two sentence question, what are the chances they are reading an extravagant dating profile essay?
So brief, then?
People who don't like to read are kind of a turn-off to me, so perhaps a longer description would be a filter for me. :P
Quote:
Originally Posted by Memphis1979
First thing I look at, when meeting any woman, is what she looks like. If there is no physical attraction, then why move forward.
This is a given. The OP is asking about the next step.
Quote:
Secondly, then I'll usually talk with her to see what kind of person she is, and where she is at in her life. The first thing I look for is stability, meaning you have a job and pay for all of your bills with no one elses help. If you can't manager your finances, I don't want you messing mine up.
How would this be communicated in an online profile? Women run the risk of looking materialistic or seeming like gold-diggers if they bring up financial things at all. Personally, I admit I would feel this is no one's business that early on, but it is relevant after getting to know each other & prior to becoming very serious.
Quote:
How well does she speak and converse?
So in a written profile, do you look at grammar, spelling, vocabulary, etc?
Quote:
Is she a college graduate?
What do you associate with this? What qualities does it communicate to you?
Quote:
If I ask her about something that happened recently on the news, would she know anything about it?
What quality does this suggest to you? What if someone doesn't watch the news but perhaps does in-depth research into more niche areas? I'm bringing that up because of the common assumption that being on top of urgent events means one is interested in the wider world beyond celeb gossip.
Quote:
Do you love having lots of sex?
How would something like THIS be communicated on an online profile, especially without attracting the wrong kind of attention? Do you look for indicators of "non prude" on an online profile? Where is the line for too provocative or implications of being "slutty"? What if someone is very comfortable with their sexuality and likes a lot of sex in a relationship, but private about such matters? Or is it actually bringing it up right away that indicates something to you?
I know those are a lot of questions, but just trying to move past the surface here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lucky4life
Thin and not crazy.
It's a tall order, but I know she's out there somewhere.........
What makes you think someone is "crazy" when reading an online profile?
Let's avoid extreme/obvious stuff. Where do you make more subtle distinctions between, say, someone who is creative thinker & someone who is crazy? Someone who is a fun, spontaneous person and someone whois crazy? Someone who is passionate and expressive and someone who is crazy? Someone who holds different beliefs or has different values from you and someone who is crazy? Etc.
So after going by photos (because that's the obvious first "filter", which is why Nila is not asking about that), and absence of deal-breakers, what would make you choose to contact one woman & not another?
Or is that? After that you send a message?
Common interests are an interesting matter, and I have found to be overrated.
As far as reading, you don't really sit there and discuss books for hours and hours.
If a person is open minded, then they can enjoy a number of activities.
For example, I like basketball. I could date a woman who was open minded and she would be sit there and watch the game even if she didn't know too much about it. Or another woman could be like, "I hate sports and I'm not sitting there for two hours and watching a goddamn game with you."
Hiking, skiing, traveling. Those are things I like to do, but wouldn't care if a woman hadn't done a lot of them as long as she was open to doing them.
Everybody likes movies. Everybody likes music.
I don't think similar interests are important as much as similar demeanor. Like I can tell a woman is not for me just by how picky she is on her profile. What she expects out of life. How she treats others. Those are things you really can't get from a dating profile.
Common interests are an interesting matter, and I have found to be overrated.
As far as reading, you don't really sit there and discuss books for hours and hours.
If a person is open minded, then they can enjoy a number of activities.
For example, I like basketball. I could date a woman who was open minded and she would be sit there and watch the game even if she didn't know too much about it. Or another woman could be like, "I hate sports and I'm not sitting there for two hours and watching a goddamn game with you."
Hiking, skiing, traveling. Those are things I like to do, but wouldn't care if a woman hadn't done a lot of them as long as she was open to doing them.
Everybody likes movies. Everybody likes music.
I don't think similar interests are important as much as similar demeanor. Like I can tell a woman is not for me just by how picky she is on her profile. What she expects out of life. How she treats others. Those are things you really can't get from a dating profile.
I find common interests overrated as well, which is why I was asking about distinguishing from exact interests vs attitude, which you touch on. Is there a way to communicate "openness" or is it best just to say that (but it seems cliche to say: "I'm open to new things")? I loathe cliches like "I'll try anything once!".
Of course, I'd disagree that books cannot be discussed for hours....some of the best conversations I've had pretty much amounted to that, although I admit they did not stay 100% focused on the book itself, but it was a central theme & springboard.
Bad music taste is still kind of a turn-off to me though... I admit that. It seems there is a connection between an over all "type of person" & tastes at times...
I actually don't like someone with a similar demeanor at all. I'm quiet & reserved & can tend to prefer more outgoing, extroverted men to date. Shared values, goals & beliefs are important to me though. That's something I see few men mentioning, which is interesting, because I think women focus on that quite a bit.
I actually don't like someone with a similar demeanor at all. I'm quiet & reserved & can tend to prefer more outgoing, extroverted men to date. Shared values, goals & beliefs are important to me though. That's something I see few men mentioning, which is interesting, because I think women focus on that quite a bit.
That's not what I meant by demeanor. Poor choice of words perhaps.
By demeanor, I mean, how you approach life and what you expect from people and expect to give people. I think how one approaches dating says a lot about that.
Like when I hear a woman say something like, "This guy blew me away with his intelligence and conversation." I already know that's not the kind of woman for me, even if I were the guy she was talking about, because of what she expects from life and other people.
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That's what's happening to me now. 
I (being a "man" here, I guess) am not the problem so far as I can tell.
