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I am reaching home now so maybe this will be my last message for today.
He works full time. 10 hours a day for 5 days a week and gets 4 days off. Like a rotation. On the days he is working, I don't see him at all due to his schedule (it could be day or night). On the days he is off, he is home.
Your husband is very immature, angry and uncommunicative. This is not likely to change, as his poor communications skills seem to be a personality problem. Since he is unwilling to seek therapy, I don't think this is an issue of passing clouds. If the two of you do not learn to communicate effectively, these problems will only escalate.
Get counseling for yourself since he refuses to get marital counseling. Without help you will find yourself drowning in a sea of confusion, resentment, and bitterness.
Get counseling for yourself since he refuses to get marital counseling. Without help you will find yourself drowning in a sea of confusion, resentment, and bitterness.
Yesterday when I went home, I tried talking again...started with 'how was your day". He just curtly replied "fine" and walked away. My heart sank.
Yes, I need some counseling. Separation is not an option for me. Its just not.
In the beginning when I suggested counseling, he says the problem is with me. According to him I should go for counseling because it's my problem and when I said I will go, can you Jon? He said no. I have to deal with my problems alone. He refuses to even go with me. He didn't want to go to counsellors.
We have always had small issues here and there but in the last 2 months, it's gotten worse. It started getting this bad when we booked tickets to go visit my parents. He has never been a big fan of my mom and I am not sure if that's the trigger.
When my Daughter was 2 months, my mom came to help me with the baby. Same thing. For everything he had a problem. Literally everything.
I don't want to go 1 day without talking. I tried to talk in the past but he just wouldn't reciprocate my feelings. He responds in yes or no. I try and then let it go because I already have my plate full with a stressful job, toddler, cooking bla bla bla.
Should I go to the counseling alone and see if I can get some perspective? I am not ready to walk out of the marriage or even suggest that because he will say "fine. Let's separate'"
It takes 2 people working on a marriage to keep it alive and healthy.
If one person in the marriage has a problem - BOTH people have a problem, too bad he refuses to understand this.
Start the counseling alone - you need perspective and help in learning how to proceed.
Yesterday when I went home, I tried talking again...started with 'how was your day". He just curtly replied "fine" and walked away. My heart sank.
Yes, I need some counseling. Separation is not an option for me. Its just not.
Good luck. It sounds like it's over. Be strong. Nice try on getting a conversation started, btw. Your daughter deserves a happy home, even if it's just with you.
Well, OP your husband already told you, you are the problem. Wanna tell us why he said that? Speaking from experience, my husband is snappy at me when he is low on funds in paying the bill.
Why don't you ask him EXACTLY what is the problem with YOU? Then go from there.
Do not sit back and assume this is passing clouds.
There is something bothering him, and he is taking it out on you. That is not fair of him to do, but pointing out what is or is not fair is not going to correct the situation at the moment either.
What the problem is could be anything, or multiple things. Newbieposter is right, could be depression, job related issues, home related issues, etc.
One thing I picked up on here is he seems to accuse you of being lazy if you do not jump to something. At least in the anecdote. Might be a clue that he is feeling overstressed or overworked. Or trying to juggle too many things, maybe too many things on his plate at once. Might be an avenue anyway to try and open some communication.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maila
I am reaching home now so maybe this will be my last message for today.
He works full time. 10 hours a day for 5 days a week and gets 4 days off. Like a rotation. On the days he is working, I don't see him at all due to his schedule (it could be day or night). On the days he is off, he is home.
50 hours per week? for a lot of people that is too much and can be very stressful, and it sounds like he is not handling the stress very well at all. there is an issue, and it is with him, and probably work related. what does he do for a living?
also next time you see him, stand up and tell him there is a problem that needs to be solved and demand that he tell you what is going on with him so you can possibly help him with his issues.
Good luck. It sounds like it's over. Be strong. Nice try on getting a conversation started, btw. Your daughter deserves a happy home, even if it's just with you.
please see my response below.
Quote:
Originally Posted by meaning
Well, OP your husband already told you, you are the problem. Wanna tell us why he said that? Speaking from experience, my husband is snappy at me when he is low on funds in paying the bill.
Why don't you ask him EXACTLY what is the problem with YOU? Then go from there.
See what happens is, when I get upset with something I try to tell him that I am upset with this. Then, he twists it around in a way that it becomes my mistake. We were at a drive thru- a fast food joint like KFC. He wanted ice-cream or something and I wanted coffee. I told him (he was driving), that i want coffee, can you pleas ask them for it. He said, since they didnt advertise it on borad, they wouldnt have it. maybe it was my mistake but I said, its a fast food place and they have cool drinks, maybe they will have coffee. He go so angry and drove really fast, screeching the tires and scaring me and DD.
When I told him whats wrong in asking, just asking. He started yelling saying I have no common sense. I mean, its a restaurant. Its not like I am asking for coffee at a shoe store. So according to him, I am the reason he gets angry and so i deserve to be yelled at.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76
Next time he does that - can you follow him and tell him that you guys need to talk about this?
I did yesterday. see below.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rbohm
50 hours per week? for a lot of people that is too much and can be very stressful, and it sounds like he is not handling the stress very well at all. there is an issue, and it is with him, and probably work related. what does he do for a living?
also next time you see him, stand up and tell him there is a problem that needs to be solved and demand that he tell you what is going on with him so you can possibly help him with his issues.
Actually, even though he works 50 hours in 5 days, he gets the next 4 days off. Its like a rotation. He is not working 5 days a week and getting 2 days off for weekends.
Anyway, yesterday I had enough. I told him, we need to talk. he said, make it quick as he is catching up with his friends. I told him that I am not at all comfortable with the arrangement of "silent treatment" and that we need to find a better solution to resolve dis-agreements. he said that since I find anything he does annoying (I never said that what he does annoys me, dont know where he got it from), he finds it easier to just avoid me and not talk. I told him if he is not happy living with me, we will see if we can do something about it like take help (counseling) or something because we both are still very young. We want to be able to spend the rest of our lives togetehr happily. I made it very clear to him that I do not want this silent treatments and its better if he clears anything that is bothering him then and there.
He didnt respond. he is still not talking to me but I think he will come around.
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Be strong. Nice try on getting a conversation started, btw. Your daughter deserves a happy home, even if it's just with you.
