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What you're doing is living in "mental pretend-land"; meaning you're allowing yourself to think of only the good times. If you were ever with her again, the worst of the worst would surface in the blink of an eye.
If you continue to re-injure an old wound, that wound will never heal.
NO contact with her at all; and that includes reading or hearing anything about her. Avoid as much as humanly possible anything that would trigger memories of her (music, movies, places, etc.).
This is the time to get to know yourself. You need to discover what's in your character that resulted in you wasting all those years with the wrong person; and why you have such low self-esteem and no self respect. This is NOT the time to be getting involved with anyone else; because if you did, odds are you'd end up with the same type of person, or someone worse.
I agree with remoddahouser about professional counseling; but not about abandonment. Whatever happened during your younger years to make you believe you didn't deserve a healthy relationship will be revealed; and it is priceless to find out the truth so that you can get on the right path and eventually have a healthy relationship, and a more fulfilling life.
I thought it might have been a case of us Brits are terrible at relationships! But I guess you just have to be human for that! Thanks so much all for advice! Appreciated!
Hi.
I was with my ex girlfriend for more than 8 years but I always kept getting treated, in my opinion, like poo. She would go missing alot and I'd find out she'd been with other blokes who she always said were just friends of hers. She did cheat on more than one occasion and I always patched things up hoping that the amount of time I had been with her would count for something. I didnt want to throw away so many memories.
I am now in a position of missing her and pondering over them happy days out, the chit chat together, the coffee dates where I'd meet her from work.
Basically, how it ended was thus: I was supposed to meet her late afternoon on her 30th b'day in March but she kept putting it off throughout the day and eventually at 11pm she said she was "sowie" about today and wont be able to meet me as she had spent he whole day with her family. I was gutted but said it was her special day to spend as she wanted. But was even more gutted when I saw on her instagram a pic she had posted of a ring in a rose. Her sister posted a comment asking if this guy (I wont mention names but I knew of him and he was close to her family) gave it to her in a rose. Well that put the cat amongst the pidgeons as I had already caught this guy and my gf together on a night out in recent months,. She told me they were just friends. Strange to se then that he had his arm round her when walking.
But anyway, after seeing this instagram pic the day after her b'day, I messaged her telling her that we should speak. She duly un-friended me from Instagram, obviously knowing what I had seen.
I cant remember exactly how things went from there but she messaged me Good Morning three mornings in a row the following few days but I simply ignored them.
Then she asked that she has alot of stuff at mine and can she have it back. I think this was to test me to see if I'd say, let's work things out as I'd always done before. Instead I messaged her and told her that I would drop it at her mums.
It has been four months now and I only just packed her stuff the other day, putting it then in the spare room. I have heard nothing from her and I have not contacted her. But I am always now thinking of her. I am not looking at her facebook profile pics or trying to find out what she is up to as I know that will just hurt. But if she rang, I'd probably tell her I was missing her and part of me wants to text her and ask her if she thinks about me at any time? But I won't as it makes me look weak and stupid.
If anyone is aware of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, then I would like to add that I am quite sure that she suffers from that to a certain degree. Always not seeming to consider how her cheating and lying would affect me, and turning blame onto me in all incidences.
Do people think I should message her. I feel lonely at this time despite having some friends who like my company and a good family. But it is a woman's companionship that I long for and it just does not seem to be coming my way and it's getting me down somewhat.
let her go, she obviously doesnt want to be with you, so move on with your life. i realize that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but you have to give up on her. she doesnt want you anymore.
as for her stuff, send her a text message and tell her pick it up with in the week, or you are donating it to the salvation army in her name. if she doesnt come pick it up, donate it to the SA.
I once dated a person who treated me like crap, it made me realize I needed to find someone who was a good person on the inside which I did. 30 years later the dumpster fire I dated is ancient history, and I miss her like a bad tooth.
OP, I had a woman break things off with me over a year ago for reasons that are still incomprehensible to me (something about her "feeling old in the relationship" - we're both over 50). I was pretty torn up because I thought our 2+ year relationship was solid and headed for marriage - in fact she had sent me a wonderful love letter 5 days before breaking up. My attempts to reconcile were a futile waste of time, but it took me several months to accept that. I haven't had ANY contact with her in more than a year and while that was very difficult at first it got easier over time. I just had to accept that it takes two to make a relationship work and feelings are either there or they're not.
My advice is move on. It sounds to me like you're involved with a very selfish person, possibly with a personality disorder. Why stay in a rotten relationship? Find something better. You wouldn't stay in a lousy job with a rotten boss - same with a relationship.
Hi.
I was with my ex girlfriend for more than 8 years but I always kept getting treated, in my opinion, like poo. She would go missing alot and I'd find out she'd been with other blokes who she always said were just friends of hers. She did cheat on more than one occasion and I always patched things up hoping that the amount of time I had been with her would count for something. I didnt want to throw away so many memories.
I am now in a position of missing her and pondering over them happy days out, the chit chat together, the coffee dates where I'd meet her from work.
Basically, how it ended was thus: I was supposed to meet her late afternoon on her 30th b'day in March but she kept putting it off throughout the day and eventually at 11pm she said she was "sowie" about today and wont be able to meet me as she had spent he whole day with her family. I was gutted but said it was her special day to spend as she wanted. But was even more gutted when I saw on her instagram a pic she had posted of a ring in a rose. Her sister posted a comment asking if this guy (I wont mention names but I knew of him and he was close to her family) gave it to her in a rose. Well that put the cat amongst the pidgeons as I had already caught this guy and my gf together on a night out in recent months,. She told me they were just friends. Strange to se then that he had his arm round her when walking.
But anyway, after seeing this instagram pic the day after her b'day, I messaged her telling her that we should speak. She duly un-friended me from Instagram, obviously knowing what I had seen.
I cant remember exactly how things went from there but she messaged me Good Morning three mornings in a row the following few days but I simply ignored them.
Then she asked that she has alot of stuff at mine and can she have it back. I think this was to test me to see if I'd say, let's work things out as I'd always done before. Instead I messaged her and told her that I would drop it at her mums.
It has been four months now and I only just packed her stuff the other day, putting it then in the spare room. I have heard nothing from her and I have not contacted her. But I am always now thinking of her. I am not looking at her facebook profile pics or trying to find out what she is up to as I know that will just hurt. But if she rang, I'd probably tell her I was missing her and part of me wants to text her and ask her if she thinks about me at any time? But I won't as it makes me look weak and stupid.
If anyone is aware of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, then I would like to add that I am quite sure that she suffers from that to a certain degree. Always not seeming to consider how her cheating and lying would affect me, and turning blame onto me in all incidences.
Do people think I should message her. I feel lonely at this time despite having some friends who like my company and a good family. But it is a woman's companionship that I long for and it just does not seem to be coming my way and it's getting me down somewhat.
She sounds like she was very opportunistic with you. You were lucky to sever ties with someone using you like a hornet.
The fact you are sad over her implies you don't feel like you deserve to find someone who will treat you with kindness, dignity and respect, like you are okay with someone toying with your self-esteem.
You're feeling sad, depressed and lonely is normal after having been so attached, but you seriously need to put things in perspective. Someone who treated you so poorly, yet, you still miss them.. may signal you don't value your own self-respect because somewhere along the line you learned abusive behavior is okay. *
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(love your accent) and a doormat. 
*
