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Oh Lord, I dated a guy like that; had to talk about e-v-e-r-y-(dumbass) thing... @ length, too! > It wasn't that big a deal at first, but over time it became like a serious toxic energy, all killing my vibe n sh*t..
I hear ya.
Some people just love the sound of their own voices way too much, they just never shut up
While I can certainly understand wanting a partner with opinions, it really doesn't sound like that is the problem with our OP's girl as much as the over talkativeness is.
So you love her very much and want to marry her. What's the problem?
Good god, people will look at any reason to pick apart their relationships these days. Share your ideas with a male friend and just be happy for the peacefulness of your relationship.
+1, the OP seems like he has a perfect woman, and doesn't realize that having someone who doesn't engage in opinionated discussion is a good thing...if you want that, go have it out with your male buddies. Trying to engage her and saying you only want her opinion to improve is relationship suicide
+1, the OP seems like he has a perfect woman, and doesn't realize that having someone who doesn't engage in opinionated discussion is a good thing...if you want that, go have it out with your male buddies. Trying to engage her and saying you only want her opinion to improve is relationship suicide
But it's only a good thing for those who don't desire it. Obviously he desires this sort of dialog. Just because you or others don't doesn't mean a lack of "opinionated discussion" is inherently a good thing.
But it's only a good thing for those who don't desire it. Obviously he desires this sort of dialog. Just because you or others don't doesn't mean a lack of "opinionated discussion" is inherently a good thing.
You aren't going to fix her opinions to match yours. She may have had prior experience where she did, and it never got her anywhere. Sounds like you have a nice female, one who isn't opinionated. Sometimes it is better to have your friends and family be your outlet for what you seek. Maybe she is ok with the way things are. Not feeling it's caused by society, and more the way an individual is. As for the driving, maybe she doesn't want to engage you in that discussion. Maybe she feels that by doing so doesn't do anything positive in your relationship. You may want to step back and try to understand why she chooses not to, instead of asking us to help figure out how to get her to be something she isn't.
IMO, her methods are refreshing, because so many people are quick to point out how they feel a person should change. You are the problem, and you should just be happy with who you have, which seems to be really happy. Not being opinionated isn't a bad thing, it's just means you won't have to worry about confrontations. Since you are happy with everything else in the relationship, why would you want her to be as opinionated as you are? Maybe if she were more confrontational than she is, she would voice a completely opposite opinion on all the matters. Then what?
Are you sure you want her opinion or her validation? I think it's the latter, and why she won't engage in discussion.
Good points, but I get the OP's point, too.
In a situation like this, I would probably be sitting there, wondering if, all those times the other person is not responding, that they're keeping a mental tally of all the times they're disagreeing but not wanting to say anything, and eventually, it will blow up in a flood of pent-up frustration and resentment.
Indeed. My husband dated women who were not interested in having that sort of dialog. They didn't voice their opinions or engage in "discussions," and this bothered him overtime. It just wasn't their personality, and this applies to a lot of people I know.
But he's the type that likes to engage in all sorts of discussions where opinions or ideas are expressed and presented. Desiring the same or similar in a partner is not a bad thing. *shrug* It was a criteria of mine, so I didn't show interest in those who were otherwise apathetic.
ETA: And no one is saying that anyone should change. He shouldn't ask her to change, and there should be no expectation for him to change the way he is, which is what some are suggesting. "Just be grateful she's that way, dude! There's nothing wrong with it. Enjoy the other great aspects of your relationship." Which is advocating change, but not on the part of his partner. It's suggesting that he overlook something that is or could become important to him in the long term. So rather than either "changing," he needs to decide whether they are a compatible fit.
There are people who greatly value a mental connection, and they needn't change their criteria if that is no longer being met. If it is important long term then it is something they have to weigh on and decide whether to continue a relationship where certain incompatibilities exist, or separate and move forward.
Indeed. My husband dated women who were not interested in having that sort of dialog. They didn't voice their opinions or engage in "discussions," and this bothered him overtime. It just wasn't their personality, and this applies to a lot of people I know.
But he's the type that likes to engage in all sorts of discussions where opinions or ideas are expressed and presented. Desiring the same or similar in a partner is not a bad thing. *shrug* It was a criteria of mine, so I didn't show interest in those who were otherwise apathetic.
In a past relationship (ironically, with the same woman I've mentioned who had virtually no sex drive), this was an issue for me.
I remember at one point towards the end (I knew in my head it was already over), I snapped at her "Don't you have an opinion about anything??? You just sit there and nod, I thought it was us guys who were supposed to do that?"
Turns out she almost always disagreed with me during these times, and kept it all inside. Per my last post, it did build a lot of resentment and doomed the relationship, but, as it stands it was doomed regardless.
My husband dated women who were not interested in having that sort of dialog. They didn't voice their opinions or engage in "discussions," and this bothered him overtime. It just wasn't their personality, and this applies to a lot of people I know.
But he's the type that likes to engage in all sorts of discussions where opinions or ideas are expressed and presented. Desiring the same or similar in a partner is not a bad thing. *shrug* It was a criteria of mine, so I didn't show interest in those who were otherwise apathetic.
Yep, my husband and I are both opinionated and talk about everything under the sun. We love stimulating conversations. Neither of us could be happy with a partner who did not feel the same way.
Yep, my husband and I are both opinionated and talk about everything under the sun. We love stimulating conversations. Neither of us could be happy with a partner who did not feel the same way.
Well, this is un-PC, but let's face it - some people just aren't intellectual enough, or even intelligent enough, to have these types of discussions. Doesn't make them bad people, I'm just saying.
Well, this is un-PC, but let's face it - some people just aren't intellectual enough, or even intelligent enough, to have these types of discussions. Doesn't make them bad people, I'm just saying.
True. It doesn't make them bad people, no. It just means they're not a compatible fit with someone who does desire intellectual or stimulating conversations. We all have our preferences. I also wouldn't be compatible with someone who doesn't like sci-fi and fantasy. It may sound silly, but it's indeed true. And another wouldn't be compatible with someone who isn't outdoorsy, which I'm not. Not that I don't or can't enjoy those sort of activities, just that I wouldn't label myself as "outdoorsy" because I don't participate in these activities very often. Actually, I don't like camping. If it were my choice, I likely wouldn't ever volunteer to go. But there are a lot of people who enjoy it. However, I like cosplay and sci-fi, fantasy and gaming cons, and surely not everyone is into those. I love playing video games, and can play for many hours in one day. That isn't everyone's cup of tea. *shrug* There were a lot of men who answered "no" to the "Would you date someone who played video games for two hours everyday?" It didn't hurt my feelbads. I've played for 8 hours straight many times. I just know that I wouldn't be compatible with an individual who has that criteria. Likewise, I wouldn't be compatible with someone who answered "the earth" to the question "Which is bigger, the sun or the earth?" on OKC.
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It wasn't that big a deal at first, but over time it became like a serious toxic energy, all killing my vibe n sh*t..
