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Old 07-26-2014, 05:04 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
22,415 posts, read 47,402,095 times
Reputation: 47680

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Frayzer View Post
That's completely false.
Uh... no!
Anyone who says "3 dates should be about the time she puts out" IS " all about him getting off, not sharing an intimate experience between two people. " as Liberty said.
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Old 07-26-2014, 05:26 PM
 
Location: Montreal, Quebec
15,082 posts, read 14,291,533 times
Reputation: 9789
Quote:
Originally Posted by st8up0rshutup View Post
I am curious to know if anyone has actually seen a difference between waiting and doing it right away. I've had long term relationships that started as a ONS, as well as had some that didn't last a week. I assumed that the same would hold true for those who waited months. I was also curious if they found that things changed for the worse after they allowed sex. If I knew the answers I may change the way I feel about it. Maybe other people ask questions on here and won't listen to what others say. But if someone genuinely posts, I will think hard about it, and possibly make change.
No and no.
I became engaged to what was supposed to be a ONS in Cape Cod, and ended up marrying a fella who I met in a hotel bar, never really expecting anything to come of it.
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Old 07-26-2014, 05:31 PM
 
432 posts, read 361,388 times
Reputation: 308
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick View Post
Uh... no!
Anyone who says "3 dates should be about the time she puts out" IS " all about him getting off, not sharing an intimate experience between two people. " as Liberty said.
I really have to elaborate here.. I love it!

For men, an intimate experience is sex. For women, it's more about the foreplay which stems from an emotional bond created through the attraction that was used by the male BEFORE the sex occurred- the dating part. If man knows what is he doing, she should be ready by the third date if not a date sooner. But sometimes it could be the fourth. Men and women both have different definitions of an intimate experience, men are more physical while women are more emotional. But neither party can use one and not the other.
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Old 07-26-2014, 07:04 PM
 
144 posts, read 303,858 times
Reputation: 168
Well, I've never and would never pursue a woman who won't have sex before marriage, especially if she's already had sex! What a load of garbage that is.
I've never been in a relationship where there was a long wait for sex. I bedded my last 2 girlfriends within a week, and it all felt quite natural to do so. If I'm just looking to hook up for sex, 1-3 dates as mentioned is pretty much my maximum, cause in that case I either don't care about having a relationship or I'm not sure so I don't want to waste my time and money on a prude or a hard-to-get girl when there's so many attractive available women out there who won't be such trouble.

As a guy, I've had very satisfying sex with partners I knew and cared for, and women I'd known for a matter of hours and never saw again. I enjoy both, in different ways, for different reasons. But I'm not the type to be strung along for dozens of dates, over the course of months, with NO intimacy. I suppose if the girl was AMAZING and possible marriage-worthy some intimacy short of full sex might maintain my interest during an extended courting period, but...she better be damn good once the actual time did come.
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Old 07-26-2014, 07:14 PM
 
Location: Canada
11,771 posts, read 11,986,606 times
Reputation: 30284
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frayzer View Post
That's completely false.

Men are more physically beings while woman are more emotional. If you can't please a man sexually, that's half of being exclusive or half the dating experience for men. For women its about discovery and the emotional dynamics. Stop thinking so negative! Also, I could give a girl the best sex she's ever had on the second or third date and she'll consider it an "intimate experience between two people." Sex is intimacy.
Expecting sex no later than the third date is NOT about intimacy, it's about getting his rocks off. Otherwise, why the condition of by the third date or he's gone?
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Old 07-26-2014, 07:14 PM
 
Location: So Cal
52,007 posts, read 52,457,444 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011 View Post
Expecting sex no later than the third date is NOT about intimacy, it's about getting his rocks off. Otherwise, why the condition of by the third date or he's gone?
True......
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Old 07-26-2014, 07:16 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,192 posts, read 25,116,307 times
Reputation: 22275
Quote:
Originally Posted by weltschmerz View Post
No and no.
I became engaged to what was supposed to be a ONS in Cape Cod, and ended up marrying a fella who I met in a hotel bar, never really expecting anything to come of it.
But that's the thing - if you don't expect anything to come of it, then if nothing does come of it - you don't feel bad. If you expect something to come of it and it doesn't - that's where the problems arise. That's why it's better for some women to wait more than a few dates - so they can get to know the person and make sure that they are on the same page. Sleeping with someone on the first date isn't going to ruin anything with the right person - but it can lead to feeling horrible about yourself if you do it with the wrong person.
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Old 07-27-2014, 08:02 AM
 
Location: Alameda, Ca
63 posts, read 63,898 times
Reputation: 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011 View Post
Expecting sex no later than the third date is NOT about intimacy, it's about getting his rocks off. Otherwise, why the condition of by the third date or he's gone?
And why couldn't it be about getting her's off too? I would hope that if you are having sex, it's good sex, really no point in having mediocre sex now is there?

Guys may not wait for a lot of reasons, but it really depends, maybe the guy is tired of getting the run around. Maybe he has other women he can date instead of the one who hold out. There are a lot of reasons that some place a time limit before they hit the road. My question was if it actually made a difference. If it makes a huge difference for the woman, then by all means do what makes you feel right.

Last edited by st8up0rshutup; 07-27-2014 at 08:13 AM..
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Old 07-27-2014, 08:08 AM
 
788 posts, read 1,269,543 times
Reputation: 1236
Quote:
Originally Posted by st8up0rshutup View Post
I've always wondered why anyone would want to put off one of the benefits of a serious relationship. IMO, you are going to be the same person today, as you will be a year from now. Maybe the guy who waited a year from now, may have uncomfortable tightness, but overall the person is the very same. I respect if religion is the reason. But I must ask why do those who have had sexual relationships, suddenly decide to go a different route. I hope it's not because you feel your last relationship was ruined because of the sex. If a relationship is unhealthy with sex, I'm sure with the same people involved, minus sex, you would still have a bad relationship, but it may take that much longer for you to find out. So you are dating and you choose to wait until a year, before you do it. That year is great, with little effort at all to stay happy.....you have sex, and suddenly the relationship starts to die, to the point that you break up. Sure the sex may have triggered it, but why would you want to wait longer to find out the inevitable?

I don't believe that putting off something that you are going to eventually do, will save any relationship. If the person is good, they will be good no matter when you decide to do it. The only reason I bring it up, is that I have a no more than three dates before I have sex, and it's never gotten to three. I came here and read so many people who wait until marriage, which I would never do....and others who will say no for a year, or more.....I am just curious to see why they do it, and why they think that by doing so, the person you are with is any different because the amount of time you waited, then if you just did it the first night.

Well, if you read the thread I started a few days ago, you can see why I wanted to wait. I had sex on the third date and he left right after he slept with me. Then I found out he had a girlfriend. So many guys I've met the past few years have had SOs or were emotionally unavailable, so I like to wait to see how consistent they are and to see whether or not they're going to stick around. It is one of the worst feelings to have sex with someone and have them walk out right after and know you'll never see that person again.
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Old 07-27-2014, 08:09 AM
 
432 posts, read 361,388 times
Reputation: 308
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011 View Post
Expecting sex no later than the third date is NOT about intimacy, it's about getting his rocks off. Otherwise, why the condition of by the third date or [s]he's gone?
I thought I responded to this already.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Frayzer View Post
I really have to elaborate here.. I love it!

For men, an intimate experience is sex. For women, it's more about the foreplay which stems from an emotional bond created through the attraction that was used by the male BEFORE the sex occurred- the dating part. If man knows what is he doing, she should be ready by the third date if not a date sooner. But sometimes it could be the fourth. Men and women both have different definitions of an intimate experience, men are more physical while women are more emotional. But neither party can use one and not the other.
Oh yeah I did.

If man knows what is he doing and she is deliberately holding out even after the third date, it's not worth the trouble.
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