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I truly do not understand what motivates an obsession like this. We have been divorced for three years. I'm long since over it, and being as she has a live in that's been there for two years, I figured she would be too. Nevertheless, she has never stopped sniping at me, mostly in a fi ancial way, but she has done some vicious things to try and break my current and I up as well. And she won't stop. As evidenced by the letter I just received, she's escalating.
This is pretty nasty stuff. Its a picture, and a note. I'm blown away by it as well. The picture appears to be of my current, and seems to have been taken with a cell cam. Its quite graphic. The note reads " There's your ***** in action. You deserve each other". Its typed. No return address, of course. Postmarked out of Reno, which covers a huge area of possibilities as to where it was mailed from. Nothing to prove definitively that it came from my ex. Other than she's the only one who would be motivated to do something like this.
The picture is not recent, that I can say with certainty. Where its origins lie, I can't even begin to guess. My current and my ex used to be friends going back a ways. Close at one time, till about 5 or 6 years ago, when there was a falling out. There seemed to be good reason for it on the surface, but I came to find out it went VERY deep. Shockingly so, especially for me, when I came to actually know the person I was married to for so long. The truth was quite...volatile. So, its feasible that my current could have confided this picture with my ex. As I said, its far from recent. Indeterminate time frame.
The picture doesn't bother me. It certainly doesn't change my view of my current. I can't care what happened in her life back ...whenever ago. I've done some wild stuff in the past myself. It's the principle behind sending this to me that reaaly balls up my cinch.. Coupled with the obsession with my current and It's relationship and trying, incessantly, to bugger it up is fairly rubbing me raw. Its been three years! My son is graduated and emancipated. There is ZERO reason for either of us to give the other a seconds thought.
I am SO good with that. Apparently, the ex ain't. (sigh) Really?! What does one do with that type of obsessive a d vicious behavior? Well, like I said, the origin of the letter is indeterminate. So, some doubt has to exist, but not much. All I know is I'm not putting up with even just a smidgen more of this. It stops now. My conundrum is with how to attack this. Get a PO box for my mail and don't file an address change with USPS? Change our cell numbers to stop texts and such? Seems like a good place to start.
There's to much to deal with in my current relationship , that requires devoted attention, to have this garbage sniffing up my back trail. I don't even want to tell my current about this, but what do I tell her when I recommend changing her cell #? Rrrrrr! Hell, I don't usually ask for advice when posting here. Its usually just venting....but I'm open to input on this. Thanks all.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Sorry you're dealing with this. As others mentioned, do not engage directly. I'd take it a step further and say do not engage at all. That's what she's trying to do.
Sorry you're dealing with this. As others mentioned, do not engage directly. I'd take it a step further and say do not engage at all. That's what she's trying to do.
I agree. And I can see how this might be almost impossible to do when you are in this situation - but from the outside looking in - doing nothing and and not giving her what she wants seem to be the only option.
OP, sorry you are going through this. You have a good thing going in your life right now and it sounds like your ex just won't let it rest until she takes that, too. I agree with the others: don't deal with this directly. I'd hire a hit man. (just kidding) Really, you should look into your options and see if there is any way to force her to stop harassing you. Or you and your current can take a deep breath and pledge to ignore her. That's what my wife and I had to do with an ex-GF from my past. She harassed us for the first year and a half of our marriage but eventually lost interest because I ignored her. With this person the reactions provoked were the source of satisfaction and without them there was no point in trying anymore.
I don't know which of you filed, three years ago, but it's possible she still has a thing for you and is hoping to get back together. I know, that sounds far fetched, but it's happened in the past. Like lovesMountains said, see an attorney let him handle it. I wouldn't be forced into changing anything, I'd put a stop to it by using the law. Cut off all contact with her, and she will get the message. Sorry to hear this is happening to you...
I'd got straight to him/her with this and let them handle it.
A simple warning to "cease and desist" might scare her into stopping her crap.
Sorry this psycho is the mother of your child
I'm with not engaging. That would be futile. As I mentioned, there's no concrete proof that would hold up in court, that it was even her who sent it. I can actually see her having someone else send stuff like this, just so she can satisfy herself that if confronted, she can , technically, be telling the truth by denying she sent it. She thinks like that. The wording of the note is telling as well. Use of the word "*****" when talking about my current has been one of her favorites.
If my current were to see this, engagement would be a foregone conclusion. The explosion this detonator would trigger would give Navy SEALS pause. Lids gotta stay on it. It makes me feel like I'm lying, and keeping secrets, but I don't want to upset my lady. She has enough on her plate. I will bear this for both of us. I do need to put a complete stop to this nonsense. A lawyer won't help. Unless I can prove she's the one sending stuff like this, I'm stuck. Its gonna be tough not sending up a flag with my lady anyway. If adresses and phone numbers need changed. I could just say that's so the ex doesn't have contact info for us, which is true. That might avoid the "why" question without REALLY not being totally untruthful.
I really don't want my current to see this. I hope the ex doesn't send her a copy as well. There is the matter of my currents address being a target as well. Arrrrrg!!! We don't need this. It might be harder to slam the door than just grab and swing though. I never, in my life, pictured having to deal with something like this. Its straight out of a movie, for Pete's Sake. I should add that I am curious about the picture. Mainly how, if it is actually my ex, she may have come by it. I'm actually wondering, at this point, did my ex actually take this pic? It looks like a cell cam picture.
I freely admit to having some questions. Even though , no matter what, I could hold nothing about it against my current. My biggest question is really just how the ex got this. There's a few possibilities there, but not so many its hard to narrow down.
Last edited by NVplumber; 07-21-2014 at 12:20 PM..
Reason: added
So hire a PI and get proof, then take it to a lawyer. It doesn't sound like you're in a position to dismiss out-of-hand a legitimate suggestion like going the legal route, and if it's been three years (assuming you have not been giving her the pleasure of a response), it doesn't sound like you can ignore the problem away.
So hire a PI and get proof, then take it to a lawyer. It doesn't sound like you're in a position to dismiss out-of-hand a legitimate suggestion like going the legal route, and if it's been three years (assuming you have not been giving her the pleasure of a response), it doesn't sound like you can ignore the problem away.
I didn't realize that I had dismissed the legal route, out of hand. ??? Matter of fact, that's the route I prefer to any alternatives. I have no intention of personally responding to her. That's what she wants. Especially since it can't be proven , beyond reasonable doubt, she sent this.
Hire a PI? Ummm, get right on that when my rich uncle gets out of the poor house. Lmao. My current could probably tell me exactly how that picture got routed to me. However, I am NOT going that route. No matter how it got to me, the thing was obviously meant to be private and extremely personal. It has no effect on how I see my current, and this was obviously a part of her past she saw no need to share with me. I have such things myself. I am quite angry at this tactic, and am firmly convinced my ex is just not well.
How this will be a dressed is uncertain, but, stressed it WILL be.
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. Coupled with the obsession with my current and It's relationship and trying, incessantly, to bugger it up is fairly rubbing me raw. Its been three years! My son is graduated and emancipated. There is ZERO reason for either of us to give the other a seconds thought. 
