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I've always wondered why anyone would want to put off one of the benefits of a serious relationship. IMO, you are going to be the same person today, as you will be a year from now. Maybe the guy who waited a year from now, may have uncomfortable tightness, but overall the person is the very same. I respect if religion is the reason. But I must ask why do those who have had sexual relationships, suddenly decide to go a different route. I hope it's not because you feel your last relationship was ruined because of the sex. If a relationship is unhealthy with sex, I'm sure with the same people involved, minus sex, you would still have a bad relationship, but it may take that much longer for you to find out. So you are dating and you choose to wait until a year, before you do it. That year is great, with little effort at all to stay happy.....you have sex, and suddenly the relationship starts to die, to the point that you break up. Sure the sex may have triggered it, but why would you want to wait longer to find out the inevitable?
I don't believe that putting off something that you are going to eventually do, will save any relationship. If the person is good, they will be good no matter when you decide to do it. The only reason I bring it up, is that I have a no more than three dates before I have sex, and it's never gotten to three. I came here and read so many people who wait until marriage, which I would never do....and others who will say no for a year, or more.....I am just curious to see why they do it, and why they think that by doing so, the person you are with is any different because the amount of time you waited, then if you just did it the first night.
It could just as easily be asked why you have sex on the first or second date with people you barely know?
But really, why do you care how other people conduct their sex lives? It doesn't matter to other people if you respect their choices that are none of your business.
Based on your other post, you know you apparently have a LOT of rules that don't serve you well.
One common reason to hold off at least a bit to have sex (maybe not a YEAR ) is that sex distracts you while you are getting to know the person.
After three dates, you BARELY know the person you're sleeping with. You've only seen them in a few structured, limited situations, and you have NO IDEA what they really are like.
And if you have sex with them, the overwhelming emotions and hormonal influence can blind you to red flags you otherwise would not ignore.
So then ... what? You find yourself in a pattern of sleeping with women early, dating them for a while, then breaking up when inevitably what once seemed "perfect" reveals itself to be otherwise.
Last edited by BirdieBelle; 07-26-2014 at 06:56 AM..
Based on your other post, you know you apparently have a LOT of rules that don't serve you well.
One common reason to hold off at least a bit to have sex (maybe not a YEAR ) is that sex distracts you while you are getting to know the person.
After three dates, you BARELY know the person you're sleeping with. You've only seen them in a few structured, limited situations, and you have NO IDEA what they really are like.
And if you have sex with them, the overwhelming emotions and hormonal influence can blind you to red flags you otherwise would not ignore.
So then ... what? You find yourself in a pattern of sleeping with women early, dating them for a while, then breaking up when inevitably what one seemed "perfect" reveals itself to be otherwise.
I agree with this. Some people, myself included, see sex as something best done with someone you know very well, and can trust, who also loves you. Sex is important, but something I think should come last, behind building emotional intimacy, connection, trust, communication, and any of the other things. Once all that is there, then the sex will be the finisher.
So, I would wait for sex. As good as I am sure it is, not good enough for me to do it, and get pleasure when I hardly know the guy, and when he may treat me like crap afterward. Women are more prone to waiting, because women tend to have more at stake.
If we're dating, and he hounds me for sex, and can't wait and just enjoy my nonsexual company, then I would guess he doesn't love me that much, so he's free to leave, and I wouldn't care. Not the guy for me apparently. 1 couple I knew dated for 4 years before they had sex. My friend and her boyfriend were friends for a while first. When they started dating, her boyfriend brought up sex, which she quickly said no to. But after over 1 year of dating, she let him know she was ready, and well, that was that. So, I know waiting won't kill a guy, if he's not a sex addict.
I don't believe that putting off something that you are going to eventually do, will save any relationship. If the person is good, they will be good no matter when you decide to do it. The only reason I bring it up, is that I have a no more than three dates before I have sex, and it's never gotten to three. I came here and read so many people who wait until marriage, which I would never do....and others who will say no for a year, or more.....I am just curious to see why they do it, and why they think that by doing so, the person you are with is any different because the amount of time you waited, then if you just did it the first night.
I would not have sex on the first date.
Why are you curious about this?
And if you knew the answers, how does that affect you?
I've always wondered why anyone would want to put off one of the benefits of a serious relationship. IMO, you are going to be the same person today, as you will be a year from now. Maybe the guy who waited a year from now, may have uncomfortable tightness, but overall the person is the very same. I respect if religion is the reason. But I must ask why do those who have had sexual relationships, suddenly decide to go a different route. I hope it's not because you feel your last relationship was ruined because of the sex. If a relationship is unhealthy with sex, I'm sure with the same people involved, minus sex, you would still have a bad relationship, but it may take that much longer for you to find out. So you are dating and you choose to wait until a year, before you do it. That year is great, with little effort at all to stay happy.....you have sex, and suddenly the relationship starts to die, to the point that you break up. Sure the sex may have triggered it, but why would you want to wait longer to find out the inevitable?
I don't believe that putting off something that you are going to eventually do, will save any relationship. If the person is good, they will be good no matter when you decide to do it. The only reason I bring it up, is that I have a no more than three dates before I have sex, and it's never gotten to three. I came here and read so many people who wait until marriage, which I would never do....and others who will say no for a year, or more.....I am just curious to see why they do it, and why they think that by doing so, the person you are with is any different because the amount of time you waited, then if you just did it the first night.
I agree. The only people who "wait to have sex" are the ones who are living in some Disney fantasy. In reality, sex isn't really a choice because its dependent on the amount of game via seduction you have. And if she finds you attractive of course. Waiting around for this "golden moment" will most likely lead to you being disappointed. In the dating sense, sex is required to maintain the highest possible interest. Without physical escalation you're basically her gay male girlfriend. In a relationship sense, its even more dependent. Sex is about 50% of the relationship if not more. In today's society, waiting till your married to have sex is a terrible idea. Mainly because men are underpowered when it comes to divorce and because we live in a swinger type society than we did decades ago.
If someone has you wait for sex, I would advice to keep them as a bottom plate or even next them. This is in the sense that you have the proper game to escalate such events, I'm not talking about whining and begging them for it. If you do, you're either a woman or need self improvement tips. Sex is vital to relationships.
You make it clear that you are very immature and naive to even ask such a question.
A person knows NOTHING about you when you first meet, and it takes some time to really get a true sense of each other, whether the other person is a "player" or just looking for a fling. TIME will find those things. Why put your heart at risk until you have a better idea of who the person is? If a person is looking for a serious relationship, that person would be smart to NOT want to have sex right away, preferring to wait until they know you better, to see if you really are compatible on every other level.And if you are, that really means that the sex will most likely be very very good. Good sex comes from good communication, compatibility, and love. If you don't know that, well, then...that says something about you.
We have all become too desensitized to sex, there is very little about it left that is still special and “different.” With someone you really like, it’s important to feel those butterflies in the stomach before the first time.
Keeping the physical out of the equation for a while makes it so that you have to get to know each other in terms of personality and intellect, without your opinion being clouded by what they look like naked.
When you have sex, you lose some of the mystery around the person, and everything becomes a little too real. Holding onto excitement can only draw things out.
Between smartphones and social media, we are used to instant gratification. Waiting and anticipation can be intense pleasures of their own, and only add to the eventual physical joy.
Anyone who is really interested in you in the long-term is going to be perfectly happy with waiting a little longer. If it’s a dealbreaker for them not to do it in the first few dates, they weren’t someone you should be seeing in the first place.
The better you know someone, the better the sex is, because you’re more comfortable and confident with yourself, and you are more able to communicate about what you both like.
We are almost never the best versions of ourselves the first couple times we sleep with someone, it’s always best to have established a connection before you make that impression. Awkward sex is fine when you both like each other already.
Kissing is very underrated, and it’s even better when we drag them out instead of going straight to sex.
Sex can make someone who is not good for us at all seem really interesting.
There is a major difference between "putting off intimacy in a relationship," and calling three dates with somebody "a relationship" and expecting access to sex.
I agree, I thought i separated that clearly actually. "In the dating sense." Then I followed with "relationship sense." And its not a relationship until someone declares becoming exclusive, particularly the female if you're doing it right.
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) is that sex distracts you while you are getting to know the person.
