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People lie a lot first to themselves then to others the false self image is painted
Then you ruin the painting with your red marker
When they say be honest they lie
Later when you clamp up and she dumps you she will say you were not honest lol
Here is another utterly important thing. Some of relationships can start just because she and he share something in common - an interest or a problem. They start to talk as friends but then friendship turns into love. Don't you think it is pretty common? It was in my case back in the day. If I pretended to be a senseless James Bond type I won't be able to start even a friendly conversation with that woman - there would be no common topics to discuss except sex. Don't you think so? Don't you think that a real love means also a friendship? Hence, sharing problems and worries.
Here is the case. I'm quite an open person who can easily say about his feeling, joys, worries, fears, health issues, quirks and twists. I don't hide it within myself. You know, so many women say that their men are reserved, senseless, they don't have emotions, hide everything within themselves, don't share their thoughts and feelings. That is why I thought men who share their thoughts and feelings are attractive to women for their frankness and openness and for their ability to feel, to enjoy and to suffer intensely.
However, I date a woman who as it seems dislikes my honesty and desire to share my feelings. I guess she would prefer to see an iron man who doesn't share his fears, his troubles, his joys, who doesn't talk about the inner world but about the outer world like weather, restaurants, celebrities, vacations, family, kids, pets. I maybe wrong but it seems the idea of sharing inner worlds repulses her for some reason.
The question is what degree of candidness of your feelings, desires, fears, thoughts is appropriate to be shared with your date, your loved one, your wife? When should you start hiding and wear a mask? I really want to stop show my emotions to women because women don't want to know men have some worries, some fixations. They only want to know that everything is fine.
For example we both suffer from compulsive overeating. I thought when met her she would be happy to share her troubles with me (I'd be happy to listen to, pity and hug her). However, she says she doesn't want to talk about her problems of compulsive overeating and I assume she dislikes when I talk about my problems of compulsive overeating too. When I met her I thought this disease would be one of those things that could unite us but it seems the opposite is true - not only doesn't it unite us, but it seems she would prefer not to hear a word about it. She shows no empathy at all. It is just one of the examples. There are others. When I say my sincere compliments to her, she doesn't react. She ignores them. It seems either she doesn't believe she is beautiful or doesn't believe me when I say so even though I'm utterly sincere.
It makes me think I should never bring the compulsive overrating issue up, it seems I should rare tell her how awesome she is. It seems I should hide my emotions and feelings from her. It seems she is just sick and weird.
I suffer since I have feelings for her but she looks emotionally detached and doesn't react. I always tell her what she means to me yet she never answers back. I do see she feels something inside but she never articulates it. I doubt if she is able to articulate her feelings at all. Sometimes I doubt if she is able to feel something at all.
A few questions here. If she doesn't want to talk about compulsive overeating, how did this subject ever come up? People don't usually bring up things like this as a way of getting to know someone and then suddenly shut down the door. What woman wants to be pitied? I really don't think it's healthy to expect her to feel some sort of special bond with you because you both have eating disorders. Is that really the case, though?
You wonder when you should don a mask - if you want a healthy relationship, the answer should be never. Maybe you are seeing something in this person that isn't really there. As we endeavor to acquaint ourselves with the opposite sex, we tend to use our imaginations to fill in the areas that are unknown, and we tend to fill those gaps with our rose colored glasses on. Try to avoid that. Look at this woman honestly, without projecting your expectations of a relationship, and then see if your assessment of her as being unable to feel is correct. It might be that she just doesn't feel about you the way you expect and long for her to feel. There is little in life we can control, aside from the choices we make for ourselves. Each person is allowed their free will.
I hope that you are getting the treatment for your disease so that you can have the physical strength required to achieve emotional and spiritual strength as well.
Here is another utterly important thing. Some of relationships can start just because she and he share something in common - an interest or a problem. They start to talk as friends but then friendship turns into love. Don't you think it is pretty common? It was in my case back in the day. If I pretended to be a senseless James Bond type I won't be able to start even a friendly conversation with that woman - there would be no common topics to discuss except sex. Don't you think so? Don't you think that a real love means also a friendship? Hence, sharing problems and worries.
Not senseless. Mysterious. Just don't give yourself away all at once and you're fine. You can talk about common interests but be a little vague on why you value such interest's. It's better to have her do most of the talking. It should be 70% her and 30% you. You're basically replying to her responses that clarify whatever she said. So if she says she likes skiing then ask her why... Then ask her where she would want to ski at... Just keep her talking.
Oh yeah don't just keep asking questions though. Playfully poke fun at her every now and then or throw in your vague inputs.
James Bond is a fantasy, designed to arouse men. He is not attractive to real-life women. Bond movies are targeted to men.
OP, what you need to learn from this is that women are not all alike! Yes, most women want men who are open about their inner life. But you found one who does not.
Find a woman who is more compatible with you. And watch for the balance -- most women want a man who is open, but who is equally interested in her inner life and his own. Because of male privilege in society, it it easy for a man to accidentally make the conversation all about himself. Pay attention to that; don't let yourself fall into that trap.
Women do not like it when men are not acting masculine. They may not openly say it, because women speak in a subtle language, but they sure as hell act it out. Listen to her actions, not her words.
" cough" bull**** " cough"
I for one like a guy who's secure enough in himself to express his emotions. Little boys, not men
are more likely act all macho and manly because they're afraid that a woman may think that they're weak. It doesn't take a "set" to act, it takes a set to be real and honest.
Last edited by Sydney123; 07-26-2014 at 12:32 PM..
Never take advice from a man on how to attract women. (Possible exception for men over 40 who are happily married, but you won't see a lot of them on the internet.)
I don't get how people think hiding behind a mask wins any kind of genuine relationship. But, I guess some do like surfacey 'fake' superficial relationships and are totally okay with it.
One of my acquaintances said, "Some people don't know how to handle genuineness in others so they are afraid."
I don't get how people think hiding behind a mask wins any kind of genuine relationship. But, I guess some do like surfacey 'fake' superficial relationships and are totally okay with it.
One of my acquaintances said, "Some people don't know how to handle genuineness in others so they are afraid."
What has society come to these days.
Money, It comes down to money. If its possible to ack like you have money, women will be all over you. Well, until they find out you have none. Thats what they want. I see it and hear about it all the time. The ones that strongly deny this, are the ones to watch out for.
I for one like a guy who's secure enough in himself to express his emotions. Little boys, not men
are more likely act all macho and manly because they're afraid that a woman may think that they're weak. It doesn't take a "set" to act, it takes a set to be real and honest.
I wasn't implying that men should hide their emotions, that is no trait of a man. Men however, do not openly display abrupt correlations of affection. Why? Because we are in our masculine, we focus on our drive and passions. Not spilling our emotional guts to some women. We have our emotions under control, it's no that we hide it's that we are secure with ourselves to not open declare it because we already know where you stand.
Anyway, that statement implies that you either don't have a lot of dating experience or that you are a masculine female. Nothing wrong with either one but, mystery regarding a males attraction level toward a women is one of the keys to pinnacle interest. Mystery is vague but not hidden.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones
Never take advice from a man on how to attract women. (Possible exception for men over 40 who are happily married, but you won't see a lot of them on the internet.)
Correction*
Never take terrible advice from either gender. Not one gender is specifically giving bad advice. I personally don't believe in sexism, but if I did, this statment you posted would fall under that category. Come on.
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