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Here is the case. I'm quite an open person who can easily say about his feeling, joys, worries, fears, health issues, quirks and twists. I don't hide it within myself. You know, so many women say that their men are reserved, senseless, they don't have emotions, hide everything within themselves, don't share their thoughts and feelings. That is why I thought men who share their thoughts and feelings are attractive to women for their frankness and openness and for their ability to feel, to enjoy and to suffer intensely.
However, I date a woman who as it seems dislikes my honesty and desire to share my feelings. I guess she would prefer to see an iron man who doesn't share his fears, his troubles, his joys, who doesn't talk about the inner world but about the outer world like weather, restaurants, celebrities, vacations, family, kids, pets. I maybe wrong but it seems the idea of sharing inner worlds repulses her for some reason.
The question is what degree of candidness of your feelings, desires, fears, thoughts is appropriate to be shared with your date, your loved one, your wife? When should you start hiding and wear a mask? I really want to stop show my emotions to women because women don't want to know men have some worries, some fixations. They only want to know that everything is fine.
For example we both suffer from compulsive overeating. I thought when met her she would be happy to share her troubles with me (I'd be happy to listen to, pity and hug her). However, she says she doesn't want to talk about her problems of compulsive overeating and I assume she dislikes when I talk about my problems of compulsive overeating too. When I met her I thought this disease would be one of those things that could unite us but it seems the opposite is true - not only doesn't it unite us, but it seems she would prefer not to hear a word about it. She shows no empathy at all. It is just one of the examples. There are others. When I say my sincere compliments to her, she doesn't react. She ignores them. It seems either she doesn't believe she is beautiful or doesn't believe me when I say so even though I'm utterly sincere.
It makes me think I should never bring the compulsive overrating issue up, it seems I should rare tell her how awesome she is. It seems I should hide my emotions and feelings from her. It seems she is just sick and weird.
I suffer since I have feelings for her but she looks emotionally detached and doesn't react. I always tell her what she means to me yet she never answers back. I do see she feels something inside but she never articulates it. I doubt if she is able to articulate her feelings at all. Sometimes I doubt if she is able to feel something at all.
Last edited by Origin of Symmetry; 07-26-2014 at 09:47 AM..
Honestly, that wouldn't bother me at all if I genuinely like or care about the guy.
That would probably be something I would over look. For some it could easily become overwhelming and they may react to it differently if it's not something they are used to. I am a pretty frank and brutally honest person, but only when I am asked to share my opinion. I don't randomly express my feelings toward something if we are discussing a topic, unless someone asks me how I feel about it.
If a person is generally more open and honest about everything about themselves it can make people feel uncomfortable, and you could come off as one of the people who don't know when to stop talking. There is a thin line for a lot of people. My mom says I talk to much and put too much of my business out there, but I am just more open about somethings than others. I am not sure if it's really a "masculine" thing.
I like to talk, but I guess you just have to know where the line is.
Here is the case. I'm quite an open person who can easily say about his feeling, joys, worries, fears, health issues, quirks and twists. I don't hide it within myself. You know, so many women say that their men are reserved, senseless, they don't have emotions, hide everything within themselves, don't share their thoughts and feelings. That is why I thought men who share their thoughts and feelings are attractive to women for their frankness and openness and for their ability to feel, to enjoy and to suffer intensely.
Have you ever wondered why James Bond gets so many girls in the movies? It's because he's mysterious, and a bad*ss! When you're an open book, you're not mysterious. When you're not mysterious, that ruins the chase and discovery for women- especially when you're dating a girl. The girls who complained about their man being reserved are the same girls who are still with them, am I right? Listen to a woman's actions, not her words.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Origin of Symmetry
However, I date a woman who as it seems dislikes my honesty and desire to share my feelings. I guess she would prefer to see an iron man who doesn't share his fears, his troubles, his joys, who doesn't talk about the inner world but about the outer world like weather, restaurants, celebrities, vacations, family, kids, pets. I maybe wrong but it seems the idea of sharing inner worlds repulses her for some reason.
Well yeah, how would you like if it you just met a girl and she literally told you her whole life story. All the way from kinder-garden, to her first boyfriend, to her first kiss, to her sex life, to her past relationships... etc.. I mean I wouldn't that and she would most likely be a deleted number.
Women like a mystery, when she ask's you a question like:
Girl: "what's your favorite color?"
Guy: "The one that shines"
The point is, the more vague the more she wants to learn of you. Dating is a discovery/adventure experience for women.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Origin of Symmetry
The question is what kind of candidness of your feelings, desires, fears, thoughts is appropriate to be shared with your date, your loved one, your wife? When should you start hiding and wear a mask? I really want to stop show my emotions to women because women don't want to know men have some worries, some fixations. They only want to know that everything is fine.
When the time is appropriate I bring up such topics, but in moderation. But on dates that shouldn't even be brought up, except your maybe your goals/desires. I will not reveal all of my cards so soon like that. If she ask's you if everything is fine, hold her close by her waist and look her her eyes and tell her to not worry.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Origin of Symmetry
For example we both suffer from compulsive overeating. I thought when met her she would be happy to share her troubles with me (I'd be happy to listen to, pity and hug her). However, she says she doesn't want to talk about her problems of compulsive overeating and I assume she dislikes when I talk about my problems of compulsive overeating. When I met her I thought this disease would be one of those things that could unite us but it seems the opposite is true - not only doesn't it unite us, but it seems she would prefer not to hear a word about it. She shows no empathy at all. It is just one of the examples. There are others. When I say my sincere compliments to her, she doesn't react. She ignores them. It seems either she doesn't believe she is beautiful or doesn't believe me when I say so even though I'm utterly sincere.
It makes me think I should never bring the compulsive overrating issue up, it seems I should rare tell her how awesome she is. It seems I should hide my emotions and feelings with her. It seems she is just sick and weird and I suffer since I have a feelings for her but she looks emotionally detached and doesn't react. I always tell her what she means to me yet she never tells so. I see she feels something but she never articulates. I doubt if she is able to articulate her feelings at all. I doubt if she is able to feel something at all.
Nope. Don't bring up these topics, her gay male girlfriends and female friends are there for that. You're her "lover." The person she goes to for affection. Keep it that way. Hang out, have fun, and hook up. That is the dating and exclusive scene when it comes to relationships.
And those "compliments" and "how she means to me" are quick way to her being not interested.
Auraliea, thanks! I see you understand me perfectly. That's what I'm talking about. Maybe she was overwhelmed. Maybe I shouldn't share my emotions if I'm not asked.
Nope. Don't bring up these topics, her gay male girlfriends and female friends are there for that. You're her "lover." The person she goes to for affection. Keep it that way. Hang out, have fun, and hook up. That is the dating and exclusive scene when it comes to relationships.
You're right yet I share my affection. She just doesn't respond.
Have you ever wondered why James Bond gets so many girls in the movies? It's because he's mysterious, and a bad*ss! When you're an open book, you're not mysterious. When you're not mysterious, that ruins the chase and discovery for women- especially when you're dating a girl. The girls who complained about their man being reserved are the same girls who are still with them, am I right? Listen to a woman's actions, not her words.
Auraliea, thanks! I see you understand me perfectly. That's what I'm talking about. Maybe she was overwhelmed. Maybe I shouldn't share my emotions if I'm not asked.
Do you mean women don't like if men do so?
No I meant that as in it's not really a gender related thing. Sorry if I confused you.
You're right yet I share my affection. She just doesn't respond.
I want to tell you a story about my friend.
My friend is in an exclusive relationship with a girl. Now, the dating time BEFORE they were exclusive was only a few weeks. Not only that, he declared the exclusive talk. Already, he's investing way too much. During those weeks of dating, he would write her poems, give her flowers, get her food, text/call/message her constantly, and be around her whenever he got the chance. Now she dug it up and was all "lovey-dovey" back because she was physically attracted to him. But, guys can only get away with so much before their looks "don't matter" and it becomes more about masculine drive/energy. This is also interpreted as "game" or confidence," and those two are sometimes interpreted as "personality."
Fast forward a year and half and he's still with this girl. Now he's still doing the same things he did in the initial courtship of the relationship. But guess what? She's sick of it. He bends over backwards for her, he still does all those weak and needy things he was doing before, tells her she's "perfect, beautiful, loves her, etc.." he is not mysterious, he's not decisive, and now the only difference is that she's stuck with him. He's acting like a feminine man, she does not like this what-so-ever. She now tests him which leads to arguments which then leads to near break-ups. But guess what? Nothing changes, except that fact that she is walking all over him and he's allowing it. He's still in his feminine core while she is still in her masculine core- which she hates. I personally think the only reason why she's still with him is because she hasn't found a better deal. That is the cold hard truth.
Women do not like it when men are not acting masculine. They may not openly say it, because women speak in a subtle language, but they sure as hell act it out. Listen to her actions, not her words.
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