Furious girlfriend (Asian, long distance, women, love)

[aussie_night_rider]

Hi,

I had a bit of a fight with my girlfriend today and I would like to hear your opinion about the situation. My girlfriend is Asian and I am European, but we live in Australia. We are both no English native speakers, which makes it a little difficult to talk about issues sometimes, but usually it’s not too bad. We have been together for 4 years now.

First of all I’m certainly not perfect and make mistakes in our relationship and maybe don’t treat her as well as I should sometimes. Don’t get me wrong… I have never hit her or even yelled at her. I have a really calm personality. My girlfriend on the other hand gets really angry over small reasons sometimes. In those moments she can’t control herself and in the past she already gave me a few bruises and scratches. She told me, that she can’t control her anger and that she gets upset quite easily and she told me how much she appreciates my calm behavior and how I always try to make her feel better. When she tells me that, I feel happy but when she gets an outburst of fury I feel terrible and I ask myself why I just have to accept it that way. Especially because she gets upsets over such minor things as a joke or something I say. She knows she has a problem and she wants to go to therapy soon, too. She had a really though childhood and teenage years and I see a lot of similarities in her behavior and in the behavior of her family, that she told me about.

At the moment we only see each other on the weekends since she works quite far away for a few months. Today (Sunday) I had to work till 2 o’clock. When I came home she didn’t even welcome me but started telling me about her sore shoulder. In my opinion that is rather impolite. She had already done that for a few times in past and I ask her to say hello first. She often complains about her health (head, stomach, back…) and then expects me to care of her and if I don’t feel sorry for her, she gets upset sometimes. I care of her when she is really sick, but when she tells me about new problems every few days, I get annoyed sometimes. That’s probably not the right reaction, but sometimes it feels like she just wants me to feel sorry for her.

Anyway, back to the story. When she again didn’t greet me today I suddenly didn’t feel so well and I decided to take a shower which made her a little upset, because I didn’t care of her. Then we had a little discussion about that subject again, but it was not very serious and everything seemed to be ok after that. In the afternoon I put some cake in the oven. She was sitting on the couch working on her laptop. When I said something ( I can’t really remember what it was, but nothing really bad) she hit me on the forehead. Of course I wasn’t so happy about that and I got up to check on the cake. She asked me whether it was ready. I said “yes” and put two plates, coffee and the cake on the kitchen table. Since I was a little upset about her behavior, I sat down and started to eat, but I also put a piece of cake on her plate. Then she got upset because I started to eat without her and didn’t invite her over to the table, although I told her the cake was ready when she asked me before.

Then she said in an impolite tone of voice “bring it over here” so I ask her if she couldn’t just ask me in a polite way. She said again “bring it over here”, so I got a little more upset and just didn’t react. Then she started talking about the earlier situation me not caring about her aching shoulder and about other stuff that happened in the past. She always says I am selfish, even though I help her with a lot of stuff. Then she started giving orders, as she always does when she gets upset. She wanted me to go to the bedroom, because she didn’t want to see me and talk to me anymore. I just kept eating while she went to the bedroom to check something on the tablet PC. When I suddenly heard some loud noises and slamming closet doors I went to the bedroom to check on her. I saw my electric heater on the floor with a broken stand. She only said “don’t talk to me”.

While she went back to the lounge to keep working on her laptop, I stayed in the bedroom just to stay away from her, because I was getting a little angrier as well, but I didn’t want to cause any trouble, so I thought I let her calm down a bit. I even helped her, when she asked me to give her a hand with the printer, but after that I laid down in bed again, even though I knew she had to head off home soon. Maybe I should have helped her with her work, because I know more about that computer stuff that she was doing, but I really didn’t feel so well.

Then later she got absolutely angry because I didn’t help her and she was screaming “aaaaaaah” as loud as she could for about one minute in the lounge. When I hear some loud noises again, I went to lounge and saw a plastic kitchen chair with a broken leg and a cracked armrest in front of the window across the room. She was kicking two of the other chairs as well so I had to hold her back. She was yelling “don’t touch me!” Eventually she calmed down a bit and after I helped her carrying her stuff to the car she jumped into the car and closed the door. I opened it again and ask, if she didn’t want to say goodbye, but she just said “you spent all day in the bedroom, why do I have to say goodbye” Then she took off.
I was absolutely shocked about how furious she got today. She has some stress at the moment but I don’t think that justifies this behavior. She says when I “hurt her emotionally” she can hurt me physically, but I think there is never a reason to punch someone. If I really hurt her emotionally that bad is a different story anyway. If I have a different opinion than her she gets already “hurt”.

Sometimes I think I am an idiot, that I put up with all this, but then there are also good times and I’m really happy with her. Yet after this outburst today I’m really confused and don’t know what to think.

Thanks for reading my long post

[hawaiiancoconut]

You don't have to live like this, man. Thats just too much drama.

[Frayzer]

Originally Posted by aussie_night_rider

Hi,

I had a bit of a fight with my girlfriend today and I would like to hear your opinion about the situation. My girlfriend is Asian and I am European, but we live in Australia. We are both no English native speakers, which makes it a little difficult to talk about issues sometimes, but usually it’s not too bad. We have been together for 4 years now.

That actually made me laugh!

And 4 years is a long time...

Originally Posted by aussie_night_rider

First of all I’m certainly not perfect and make mistakes in our relationship and maybe don’t treat her as well as I should sometimes. Don’t get me wrong… I have never hit her or even yelled at her. I have a really calm personality. My girlfriend on the other hand gets really angry over small reasons sometimes. In those moments she can’t control herself and in the past she already gave me a few bruises and scratches.

Gone.

If that were my girl treating me like that, she would be gone. Neither party should ever get physical in the fit of rage, if this happens. It's the boots. I don't tolerate this behavior and neither should you. This has been going on for 4 years? I would have not became exclusive with this chick for this sole reason. Anger is a sign of an inability to control ones emotions. Eastern Discipline is all about controlling yourself, which results in authentic confidence.

Originally Posted by aussie_night_rider

She told me, that she can’t control her anger and that she gets upset quite easily and she told me how much she appreciates my calm behavior and how I always try to make her feel better. When she tells me that, I feel happy but when she gets an outburst of fury I feel terrible and I ask myself why I just have to accept it that way. Especially because she gets upsets over such minor things as a joke or something I say. She knows she has a problem and she wants to go to therapy soon, too. She had a really though childhood and teenage years and I see a lot of similarities in her behavior and in the behavior of her family, that she told me about.

You are in an abusive relationship with even knowing it. What you just said is classic :

"he/she get's really mad then I get hurt physically.. But then I try and make him/her feel better than we talk it out and say how much him/her likes it."

Then you get physically harmed and the same cycle happens. That tough childhood has caused her to become low quality, I would tell her that she needs to get help NOW or she's gone. Like I said, I don't tolerate that behavior from anyone, must less women.

Originally Posted by aussie_night_rider

At the moment we only see each other on the weekends since she works quite far away for a few months. Today (Sunday) I had to work till 2 o’clock. When I came home she didn’t even welcome me but started telling me about her sore shoulder. In my opinion that is rather impolite. She had already done that for a few times in past and I ask her to say hello first. She often complains about her health (head, stomach, back…) and then expects me to care of her and if I don’t feel sorry for her, she gets upset sometimes. I care of her when she is really sick, but when she tells me about new problems every few days, I get annoyed sometimes. That’s probably not the right reaction, but sometimes it feels like she just wants me to feel sorry for her.

Long distance relationships never work. On top of that, it seems like she is in her masculine side. You seem to be her gay male girlfriend that is taking care of her when she comes home. When a women complains, indifference is the answer. You do not suck up to her because she will use it against you because you will eventually start bending over backwards for her. I'm not saying don't do random small sweet gestures, but do those in low moderation.

Honestly, this relationship sounds really bad so far.

Originally Posted by aussie_night_rider

Anyway, back to the story. When she again didn’t greet me today I suddenly didn’t feel so well and I decided to take a shower which made her a little upset, because I didn’t care of her.

Oh look her gay male girlfriend didn't care for her... Wonder why..? You're not her source for affection anymore, you're her butler.

Originally Posted by aussie_night_rider

Then we had a little discussion about that subject again, but it was not very serious and everything seemed to be ok after that. In the afternoon I put some cake in the oven. She was sitting on the couch working on her laptop. When I said something ( I can’t really remember what it was, but nothing really bad) she hit me on the forehead.

Why are you allowing this behavior? I'm starting to think she's only abusive because YOU are allowing her to be!

Originally Posted by aussie_night_rider

Of course I wasn’t so happy about that and I got up to check on the cake. She asked me whether it was ready. I said “yes” and put two plates, coffee and the cake on the kitchen table. Since I was a little upset about her behavior, I sat down and started to eat, but I also put a piece of cake on her plate. Then she got upset because I started to eat without her and didn’t invite her over to the table, although I told her the cake was ready when she asked me before.

Yet you do nothing and go check on the cake! Like a butler! Now she's expecting you to bend over backwards for her. This is the result of you being out of your masculine core my friend.

Originally Posted by aussie_night_rider

Then she said in an impolite tone of voice “bring it over here” so I ask her if she couldn’t just ask me in a polite way. She said again “bring it over here”, so I got a little more upset and just didn’t react. Then she started talking about the earlier situation me not caring about her aching shoulder and about other stuff that happened in the past. She always says I am selfish, even though I help her with a lot of stuff. Then she started giving orders, as she always does when she gets upset. She wanted me to go to the bedroom, because she didn’t want to see me and talk to me anymore. I just kept eating while she went to the bedroom to check something on the tablet PC. When I suddenly heard some loud noises and slamming closet doors I went to the bedroom to check on her. I saw my electric heater on the floor with a broken stand. She only said “don’t talk to me”.

You need to stand up to her. She's in her masculine side and she does not like this at all. However seeing how this is a relationship it's a lot more complicated. You need to break up with her or declare a break before anything positive will happen. Doing subtle shifts into a masculine role just isn't worth the time in my opinion, 3-4 years is a long time of weak and needy behavior. It's like living in a different part of the planet, she won't be used to this sudden change. That's why when you "stood up to her" by telling to request her cake in a more "polite tone" she was caught off guard. She is so used to you bending over backwards for her. As soon as you start doing more masculine actions she will react in an extreme manner.

And if a woman broke something of mine out of anger, she's paying for it or I'm leaving. My possession are not made to be broken, well unless it breaks on its own.

Originally Posted by aussie_night_rider

While she went back to the lounge to keep working on her laptop, I stayed in the bedroom just to stay away from her, because I was getting a little angrier as well, but I didn’t want to cause any trouble, so I thought I let her calm down a bit. I even helped her, when she asked me to give her a hand with the printer, but after that I laid down in bed again, even though I knew she had to head off home soon. Maybe I should have helped her with her work, because I know more about that computer stuff that she was doing, but I really didn’t feel so well.

Oh look you stayed in the room like she said. You're such a good boy! Such a good puppy! You're even now generalizing why she was mad! Like what people in an abusive relationship do!

Originally Posted by aussie_night_rider

Then later she got absolutely angry because I didn’t help her and she was screaming “aaaaaaah” as loud as she could for about one minute in the lounge.

Me: "Calm down or I'm throwing you out of my house."

And I mean literally grabbing her and throwing her out. That kind of behavior is not tolerated in my home.

Originally Posted by aussie_night_rider

When I hear some loud noises again, I went to lounge and saw a plastic kitchen chair with a broken leg and a cracked armrest in front of the window across the room. She was kicking two of the other chairs as well so I had to hold her back.

I would have thrown her out and then went up stairs to pack her things. This is just so unacceptable.

Originally Posted by aussie_night_rider

She was yelling “don’t touch me!” Eventually she calmed down a bit and after I helped her carrying her stuff to the car she jumped into the car and closed the door. I opened it again and ask, if she didn’t want to say goodbye, but she just said “you spent all day in the bedroom, why do I have to say goodbye” Then she took off.

This is a combination of her being crazy and you being weak and needy. This is a very bad mix. You need to leave this relationship immediately. Unless you like feeling run over-ed and used.

Originally Posted by aussie_night_rider

I was absolutely shocked about how furious she got today. She has some stress at the moment but I don’t think that justifies this behavior. She says when I “hurt her emotionally” she can hurt me physically, but I think there is never a reason to punch someone. If I really hurt her emotionally that bad is a different story anyway. If I have a different opinion than her she gets already “hurt”.

I'm not. She blatantly said she get's super mad because of her childhood problems. What did you expect?

Originally Posted by aussie_night_rider

Sometimes I think I am an idiot, that I put up with all this, but then there are also good times and I’m really happy with her. Yet after this outburst today I’m really confused and don’t know what to think.

Thanks for reading my long post

You are an idiot for putting up with this. This whole situation is a combination of you being weak and needy(out of your masculine core) and her generally being unable to control her anger. Both of these lead to a bad ending. You need to improve yourself while she needs to get help. You both need help. For the reason, both of you should end the relationship and focus on yourselves. Both of you are low quality and I personally could not stand it when someone stroked my ego for being low quality. You've already been with her for 4 years... Let's not make this another dreaded 5.

[BirdieBelle]

Yep, she's abusive, and full of excuses about it. She won't get better.

Let me guess ... a couple of your years together were long distance?

You know there are girls out there who don't act like this?? Break up with this abuser and go find someone who can show you what love is.

[MaxwellThomas]

Any updates, what's been going on since you posted this...Has she apologized? Also, where is she from...How did you meet, are you both comparable in attractiveness and age?

[*Sixy*]

Originally Posted by aussie_night_rider

Hi,

I had a bit of a fight with my girlfriend today and I would like to hear your opinion about the situation. My girlfriend is Asian and I am European, but we live in Australia. We are both no English native speakers, which makes it a little difficult to talk about issues sometimes, but usually it’s not too bad. We have been together for 4 years now.

First of all I’m certainly not perfect and make mistakes in our relationship and maybe don’t treat her as well as I should sometimes. Don’t get me wrong… I have never hit her or even yelled at her. I have a really calm personality. My girlfriend on the other hand gets really angry over small reasons sometimes. In those moments she can’t control herself and in the past she already gave me a few bruises and scratches. She told me, that she can’t control her anger and that she gets upset quite easily and she told me how much she appreciates my calm behavior and how I always try to make her feel better. When she tells me that, I feel happy but when she gets an outburst of fury I feel terrible and I ask myself why I just have to accept it that way. Especially because she gets upsets over such minor things as a joke or something I say. She knows she has a problem and she wants to go to therapy soon, too. She had a really though childhood and teenage years and I see a lot of similarities in her behavior and in the behavior of her family, that she told me about.

I didn't read your entire post. There was no reason to.
This is all the information that is needed...you DON'T have to accept it. She can't control her temper and emotions and she has hit you. This is not normal, rational behavior, it's abuse and you really need to remove yourself from her life.

I don't care what excuse she gives you, it doesn't make it right or acceptable or even understandable. She needs to get help for her issues, and you need to leave.

[arleigh]

Run ,
run fast
run really fast.
if she says she can't control her anger , your all done .

[savoytruffle]

Originally Posted by *Sixy*

I don't care what excuse she gives you, it doesn't make it right or acceptable or even understandable. She needs to get help for her issues, and you need to leave.

Exactly. She should NOT be hitting you and then saying she can't control it. That's absolute garbage. I know you care for her but you need to leave. She needs psychological help.

[JustJulia]

You could have stopped at "scratches and bruises." There is no reason to continue to put up with her violent behavior. She screams and smashes things and treats you badly. Eject, eject.

[funymann]

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Fhl0PkG2Xqo