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I met a guy last year online and things got intense fast. At first it was the usual getting to know each other and sexual texts and wanting to talk on the phone. We'd talk about nothing and everything on the phone and shared many things never told to anyone else. I learned from a mutual freind that this guy was feeling things for me he'd never felt for a woman. He told me I was the first woman to make him feel loved,just all those things someone that's been through some things in the past says you know. Eventually we exchange pics and although he was never like ugh he never gushed over me either(more on this in a moment). There was one pic where he thought looked good but in the end that neither here nor there. So the this "relationship" progressed anyway,we'd talk,get into it and make up. Throught out I always said go find a hot chick,or this and that and he'd say you make me happy,if I wasn't into you would I still be here,ect. He was the first guy that I knew cried over me wanting to stop dealing with him,he'd send me romantic love songs about his love being there for me all day,and he'd always fight to keep things good between us after spats. Eventually everything blew up and he ended it.
I was always giving him and out and he'd reassure me,I deal with insecurity issues so it was no easy feat sometimes admittidly but he encouraged everything.When he ended it he went on about how this "freindship" wasn't what he wanted anymore and he was sick of breaking up to make up WTF?! Its like we were just freinds but he acted in a way that was more attached and even would cry when I didn't want to keep things going saying he was attached and loved me. So the end was very difficult for me because it was like he never cared and even went as far as to tell me my having no faith in us working is what led to my behavior that ultimately pushed him away. It hurt and even worse he'd claimed he'd met someone online that was his dream woman. Suddenly he was in love and happy with her and wished marriage. I was crushed and later learned he'd had one of those online accounts for a while so this made me question if he ever was truly into me. Months later he messaged wanting to talk again and how he missed me. He was still involved with this new girl but wanting my time again and to be in my life. My freind warned me to ignore him but he protested saying he's not up to anything and since he's not gettting sex,money or anything else why would I think he's not being genuine. My freind told me that's not true people can use people in many ways,like emotionally. Like not getting fulfilled in their new relation and so they try and creep back on the low.
This other relationship ended up being bunch of bs and possibly a scam and last I heard he was suddenly active on instagram flirting up all these foreign girls and saying how hot and sexy their pics are. By now I'm over him for the most part but the thing that stings is that he never struck me as that al bundy hot chicks chasing type. It hurts more because he never flat out told me he was attracted to me,despite all his lovey dovey behavior while we were on he never said anythimg like that. My questions are
1. would a guy send songs,cry over,plead to keep "us" going and talk everyday to a woman he doesn't want
2. Can someone use a person or only be into a person they strictly have an emotional connnection to
3. Before he was never online social sites now he's active,adding all these young mostly foreign girls and kissing up to them via their pics. I just don't get how he did all he did with me,said he never bs me and those were his true feeligns and now he's a man ***** wanting all these girls online that are complete opposite of me physically and otherwise.
Ok, he has huge issues. Anyone who says they love you or acts like they do (crying, etc.) when they have not known you in real life for at least a few weeks (some would say months) is delusional. Online does not count.
Personally, I don't care whether you call it 'using' or what. It sounds like a messed up situation, anyway. Maybe you were both using each other, emotionally.
Next time, break up the post into paragraphs so it is more readable.
That said, yes, people can use you emotionally. I have myself been accused of being an emotional vampire.
Now, I agree, he's one messed up cat, and you're better off without him. Have you met any nice boys in your real life? I am automatically weary of online dating.
I told him talking again wasn't a good idea because my feeling were still there and could reignite. I know it sounds bad you guys but I guess it just hurt more because he worked with me on some things and was always talking about the future. I got sucked in. and I agree the love thing was very strange at first so soon,but like how he accepted me I felt should just look past the red flags.
I guess I just wanted to know why if I'm the complete opposite of what he likes as evidenced now,why go through all that with me and come back for more at that if I was so bad? @Davaros I am too with all the scammers online as well as it being all about the hottest pics,I personally am not a fan of the online game. We actually met on a non dating site though lol and weren't planning on it going far as it did. It just sort of went from talking to phone in a few days.
OP , sounds like you were "catfished" , sorry.
There are a lot of users/ scammers out there. be more careful next time. A lot of them end up wanting you to send them money.
Ok, he has huge issues. Anyone who says they love you or acts like they do (crying, etc.) when they have not known you in real life for at least a few weeks (some would say months) is delusional. Online does not count.
Personally, I don't care whether you call it 'using' or what. It sounds like a messed up situation, anyway. Maybe you were both using each other, emotionally.
Narcissists typically attach to a partner that has empathy and is compassionate. It is their way of using someone emotionally since a narcissist lacks empathy and a conscience and on some level still wants to experience what it is like to be human, so they attempt to merge with someone capable of real human emotions in order to be human by proxy, although using a host (the partner).
And despite the bravado and appearance of confidence that most narcissists display - they actually have very low self esteem and self worth. They also use partners on an emotional level by seeking out people that on some level will adore, love and give attention to the narcissist which helps maintain their inherently fragile egos and sense of worth. Most partners of a narcissist thus serve a dual purpose: making the narcissist feel whole and human as well as feeding their weak sense of self.
All narcissists are emotional vampires and they feed off a source until the partner figures out that the relationship is a charade and a façade and attempts to move on. Usually, just prior to that point, the narcissist sensing his or her own potential abandonment has another source/partner already lined up.
There was never any sex or asking for money ever. At first it was good but then it turned to arguments all the time and he always wanting to make up. He's a real guy it wasn't catfish. We no longer talk and last time we did he was mad because I laughed at him being played by the woman he bragged to me about and called him a loser. He said I hurt him for saying that and never message him again.
yeah moderation..i think so too! He's acting like someone out of control. Even hitting on young girls that he always claimed he'd never do as they were too immature for him. Anyway I was done with him,he came back to talk to me and got mad because I told him no and to talk to his "perfect woman". When I told him that he's wrong for talking to me while supposedly having another woman and he just said "you got me there". That showed me his true colors.
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