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To me it just sounds like she is lamenting the loss of a sense of formality in dating - the days when a man would call you and say "Would you like to have dinner with me Friday night?" vs the casual "let's maybe hang out sometime". It sounds too much like friendship and not enough like dating. When she mentions commitment, I don't think she means committing to a relationship, but to a firm DATE vs the ambiguity of the example she used. I understand what she means about fear of rejection, I have seen this as well although it may not apply to you - it's less of a "rejection" to throw out some ambiguous "maybe's" than to out yourself on the line asking for a specific date. I don't think she's complaining about how men treat her, just their lack of leadership/assertiveness when asking for a date.
^^^This. This is why I shared the link. Asking someone to hang out and do something sometime is not signalling any true intention to go on a date.
You don't ask your boss for a raise by text, nor by shuffling your feet and mumbling about maybe getting some extra money for you know, stuff you've done this past year or whatever.
I don't think dating today would be half as confusing if people were direct about their intentions, instead of vague and making people guess and wonder. This forum is full of posts wondering about what someone means because people aren't being clear.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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I read this stupid article and all I wanna say to the author is to go get your g*&damn diaper changed so she will stop whining.
One line I found humorous is "will you delete your Tinder app so you can choose that one special girl?" IMO she is ing because that special girl won't be her. That's all that is. Her whiniess is why she cannot get a man, plain and simple.
I'm in my late 20's and my friends and all of the people I know are in their 20's. In this age group I've seen people who hook up, have committed relationships, and get married.
What I find interesting on this forum is that to many of you the only group that it seems perfectly acceptable to generalize and stereotype our entire generation.
Too add to that the lady who wrote this article is having trouble finding a suitable date but instead of blaming herself she wants to make this a societal issue. Some posters have successfully called it for the BS it is. But some of our older posters are lapping it up because it agrees with the bias opinions they already have against this generation.
I'm in my late 20's and my friends and all of the people I know are in their 20's. In this age group I've seen people who hook up, have committed relationships, and get married.
What I find interesting on this forum is that to many of you the only group that it seems perfectly acceptable to generalize and stereotype our entire generation.
Too add to that the lady who wrote this article is having trouble finding a suitable date but instead of blaming herself she wants to make this a societal issue. Some posters have successfully called it for the BS it is. But some of our older posters are lapping it up because it agrees with the bias opinions they already have against this generation.
I don't understand what is triggering some people here. She isn't "against" anyone, just relating her experiences with dating and her dating dissapointments, in a totally IMO emotionally balanced way. There is not the slightest bit of anger in her blog, yet people want to make it "us vs them" for some reason. Maybe the people who aren't having much luck in their love lives might want to consider seeing the opposite gender as the enemy is not going to help and is probably makng it harder for you. Men do seem more passive now in dating, it's not a slam just an observation. I just don't get the vitriol towards what I see as arather benign blog.
I don't see what being vague about a date ("maybe hang out sometime") has to do with the hookup culture. That just sounds like old-fashioned shyness and awkwardness, which has been around forever. All a woman has to do is say, "get back to me when you have something concrete in mind". If the guy doesn't like that response, he's not the guy for her.
I agree with Ro2113 that it makes no sense to generalize. I have friends and relatives in their 20's. Some are married, some are in LTR's headed towards marriage, others are looking, or getting a career launched. There's no problem in that generation with commitment, no more than there ever has been with 20-somethings, as far as I can tell. The blogger either is having trouble attracting the kind of men she wants, or she just needs to wait a few years for the guys to mature and get more serious about dating.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,733,093 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl
I don't understand what is triggering some people here. She isn't "against" anyone, just relating her experiences with dating and her dating dissapointments, in a totally IMO emotionally balanced way. There is not the slightest bit of anger in her blog, yet people want to make it "us vs them" for some reason. Maybe the people who aren't having much luck in their love lives might want to consider seeing the opposite gender as the enemy is not going to help and is probably makng it harder for you. Men do seem more passive now in dating, it's not a slam just an observation. I just don't get the vitriol towards what I see as arather benign blog.
It is yet another slam against millennial men in popular media and I for one am damn sick of it. They have made us out to just be WOW playing antisocial ba#&^!@s . I have had enough of it. I for one know I have most of my together. I should be evaluated as an individual not a millennial.
I don't understand what is triggering some people here. She isn't "against" anyone, just relating her experiences with dating and her dating dissapointments, in a totally IMO emotionally balanced way. There is not the slightest bit of anger in her blog, yet people want to make it "us vs them" for some reason. Maybe the people who aren't having much luck in their love lives might want to consider seeing the opposite gender as the enemy is not going to help and is probably makng it harder for you. Men do seem more passive now in dating, it's not a slam just an observation. I just don't get the vitriol towards what I see as arather benign blog.
If that's really true then maybe women need to adapt to it.*shrug*
24/M - I'd love to be a traditional dater. I want input sometimes on what to do / where to go, but I can always find something fun to do. But, like mentioned above, it seems like too many 20-somethings get scared away, at least at first.
I can call up my ex at pretty much any time and if she's free, she'll tag along with me to do whatever.
Case in point: a month back at 9am,
me - "Hey, get a bag together with a bikini, towel, sun screen and food. I'm kidnapping you. Be ready at noon"
her - "Where are we going??!"
me - "Don't worry about it"
She was ready and we had a blast at the beach.
On the other hand, the following week, I was talking to this one girl (we have a few mutual friends and met her at a wedding) and got her number. We texted back and forth a bit and I asked her "Hey, what are you doing Friday night? There's supposed to be a pretty good comedy show playing at 8, if you're interested in going." I kind of got a run around answer. Asked a mutual friend and she said I may have moved too fast. Seriously?
I guess, according to the mutual friend, it would have been better to set it up as a "group" activity with a few others rather than just her.
To me it just sounds like she is lamenting the loss of a sense of formality in dating - the days when a man would call you and say "Would you like to have dinner with me Friday night?" vs the casual "let's maybe hang out sometime". It sounds too much like friendship and not enough like dating. When she mentions commitment, I don't think she means committing to a relationship, but to a firm DATE vs the ambiguity of the example she used. I understand what she means about fear of rejection, I have seen this as well although it may not apply to you - it's less of a "rejection" to throw out some ambiguous "maybe's" than to out yourself on the line asking for a specific date. I don't think she's complaining about how men treat her, just their lack of leadership/assertiveness when asking for a date.
I phrased it poorly, but my post was meant to imply that the two things stated in the underlined are related/similar.
She's definitely lamenting the loss of a sense of formality. If I were a woman, that would frustrate me as well. But it simply reeks of "longing for another time". But more was different in that "other time" than simply "men being more formal". There were female behaviors in another time that she likely doesn't subscribe to, which also reeks of hypocrisy. She wants to keep the things that benefit her, but to "fix" the things that have changed for the worse (from her point of view).
If she wants old-school behavior from a guy, she should expect to have to subscribe to old-school behavior herself instead of simply wishing that things were better.
Jillabean made an excellent point (I think in the chivalry thread). I'm paraphrasing here, but it was something to the extent of "if you're modern, don't expect old-school....or vice versa"
If that's really true then maybe women need to adapt to it.
There are still enough at least in my age range that I don't have to adapt to it.
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ing because that special girl won't be her. That's all that is. Her whiniess is why she cannot get a man, plain and simple.
