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I feel you. I live in a town of 80,000 people, metro area maybe 150,000 and it's 3 hours to the nearest big city (Portland). People love this town with an almost annoying passion, but the educated single women 23-36 that I expect you look for too are FEW and far between. This is place people bring their pre-existing families to in order to raise children and then be damned obnoxious about how perfect life is for them here. The town goes to sleep around 10pm. There are a few bars open after that but they mostly feature the same people all the time.
I drive to the city to meet people, that's how bad it gets sometimes. People I work with have moved to the Bay Area or some other metro in the region and come back with a spouse.
This is exactly how it is where I live. I'm in a suburb at least an hour north of SF.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth
This is exactly how it is where I live. I'm in a suburb at least an hour north of SF.
So like 5 miles into Marin?
I actually thought I'd do better dating outside of SF than inside, because once your in your mid/late 30s the city singles seem to disappear. Most people couldn't afford to live in the city itself and pretty much everyone I worked with in my age range lived an hour outside of SF. It was unlike any other city I lived in.
I wouldn't totally discount the suburb environment.
I would make guy friends who have wives, their wives can and will likely hook you up with some friends of theirs if you are a decent guy. If you start making a bad name for yourself, that'll dry up quick.
Online dating can be a good start for someone in your position. Church, dog parks, etc.
Symphony, I'm currently single, a bit older than you (30s) and bought my own house at age 29. Despite being aware of the social risks with that decision, the bottom line was that I was sick of apartments, had more than enough money and was ready to buy in a buyer's market. While I live within the actual city limits of Austin (just barely), the residential neighborhood I bought in could be considered suburbia as it consists primarily of married families with young kids and dogs. Very nice area, friendly neighbors, low crime, good accessibility. While I don't regret my decision, in hindsight I do wish I had taken a harder look at places further within the city limits, for several reasons.
That said, it's had little adverse impact on my dating opportunities or social life. A big reason is that I have a good car and don't mind driving around the city. I can experience bars, nightlife and other social gatherings/events just fine. The only difference is that my average commute takes a bit longer (20-30 minutes to get downtown depending on traffic) than others who live closer in. Granted, huge places like Chicago, NYC, LA and the Bay Area don't compare to Austin as far as getting around is concerned. Another reason is that I'm not the only single in the outskirts. We're in the minority but we're out there.
I did notice that the occasional woman seemed to find it a bit odd when they asked me where I lived and I told them. So, OP...yes it may be a yellow flag to a few of them if they find out where you live. After all, the generally accepted social norm is that you shouldn't get your own place out in the burbs until after you marry and settle down. But ultimately...most people don't care. There are far more important things for them to evaluate you on. And I seriously doubt that a woman who's very interested in you will let something like your outlying location deter her.
If you like where you are, then stay. You've got friends and stuff. Go out and have fun with them. Maybe they know a single woman or two. Can't hurt to inquire.
EDIT: Oh, apparently Symphony is brahmabull? Ugh...
I actually thought I'd do better dating outside of SF than inside, because once your in your mid/late 30s the city singles seem to disappear. Most people couldn't afford to live in the city itself and pretty much everyone I worked with in my age range lived an hour outside of SF. It was unlike any other city I lived in.
Really? That's interesting. Well, I don't plan to move there anyway. I plan to move back down to a major metro in SoCal.
Good luck, but I hated leaving that beautiful SF weather. Best climate ever.
Why did you leave?
It is nice. I find the weather to be even nicer where I am too. I like the weather better here than in SoCal, but I'm sure I can adjust to the warmer weather once I move. There are worse things.
I joined a singles co-ed softball league in Boston even though I live about 30 miles from the city. When I told people where I was from they looked at me like I was from another country. Yeah, it's unusual for a 20-something working professional to have a condo outside the city, but it was my choice. I like to come home to my own place and go into the city on the weekends. I get the best of both worlds. I can't comment on how this will change my dating prospects since I really haven't put any effort into dating.
I live 6 miles from my job. So I do 60 miles a week for work and still have plenty of gas in the tank to get to the city on the weekends. That short commute also means I don't spend much time in the car during the week so I don't mind driving into the city on the weekends. I don't go out much during the work week and I don't think I would take advantage of the city if I lived there.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth
Why did you leave?
It is nice. I find the weather to be even nicer where I am too. I like the weather better here than in SoCal, but I'm sure I can adjust to the warmer weather once I move. There are worse things.
I moved out there for a job and I got laid off in less than a year. I didn't really want to stick around. I loved walking the city, the climate, the outdoors opportunities (I'm really into nature photography), etc but I found socializing in California completely horrible. I've lived in a bunch of places and never found it hard to make friends / date, but in SF it was completely impossible. I just couldn't relate to the people at all. I'm not mellow. I'm not chill. I'm not into relaxing.
So, when the layoff happened I did the National Park bit and moved. I had more job opportunities elsewhere. It was good for a year.
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