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I have a hard time believing that women are perpetually happy single.
It is a lot happier for me. It's like another poster said, while married I got to work full time, do all the house cleaning, all the cooking, all the yardwork, all the childcare, even all the home repairs. I went to work at 6 am, got home by 5pm, did housework, cooking, etc, etc, until about 10pm and finally collapsed at the end of the day. My weekends weren't much better with getting up early and doing the hardcore cleaning or yardwork all day.
Now I am single again and while I still have to do all that stuff, my ex-husband has split custody with me (so I don't have to do ALL the child care anymore) and I don't have to take care of another adult which greatly cuts back on my workload. I also downsized to a normal-sized house and I hired a maid to come every two weeks. I am "free" now when I get home in the evening except very minor chores (like cooking dinner and cleaning up... or making sure homework gets done).
A lot of it depends though. In my case, it was like unending indentured servitude. But some couples more evenly split things and I think that contributes more to happiness in marriage.
And of course, not all women are like me. I have no intentions of ever marrying again, no way. But some women do want to get married and aren't happy single. And there are, of course, married men who are not happy. And women who are married and very happy. The survey is just an overall picture. Just because they find women (overall) happier single, doesn't mean ALL women are happy single. And women who have never been married... they don't know if they would be happier single or married since they don't have a comparison. That's why I said I wonder if women like me (who were married and in bad marriages) skew the results for singles a bit.
It is a lot happier for me. It's like another poster said, while married I got to work full time, do all the house cleaning, all the cooking, all the yardwork, all the childcare, even all the home repairs. I went to work at 6 am, got home by 5pm, did housework, cooking, etc, etc, until about 10pm and finally collapsed at the end of the day. My weekends weren't much better with getting up early and doing the hardcore cleaning or yardwork all day.
Now I am single again and while I still have to do all that stuff, my ex-husband has split custody with me (so I don't have to do ALL the child care anymore) and I don't have to take care of another adult which greatly cuts back on my workload. I also downsized to a normal-sized house and I hired a maid to come every two weeks. I am "free" now when I get home in the evening except very minor chores (like cooking dinner and cleaning up... or making sure homework gets done).
A lot of it depends though. In my case, it was like unending indentured servitude. But some couples more evenly split things and I think that contributes more to happiness in marriage.
And of course, not all women are like me. I have no intentions of ever marrying again, no way. But some women do want to get married and aren't happy single. And there are, of course, married men who are not happy. And women who are married and very happy. The survey is just an overall picture. Just because they find women (overall) happier single, doesn't mean ALL women are happy single. And women who have never been married... they don't know if they would be happier single or married since they don't have a comparison. That's why I said I wonder if women like me (who were married and in bad marriages) skew the results for singles a bit.
I would guess that if a mans wife was an overgrown child that did nothing at home he'd be unhappy too.
I just have a hard time believing that all these women who are so strong and independent would just become house slaves and hate their lives after marriage.
Huh, I read somewhat different, that married women are unhappier and married men are happier. Since women do all the housework, child-rearing, etc. a lot in addition to full-time jobs it's no wonder.
I think it's quite a stretch to say women do all these things these days. I've never been married, but in most relationships I have been in I've been the one doing the cooking and cleaning.
Yeah marriage would suck if you had to work and come home and still do all the work. Somehow I doubt all you strong independent women would allow that existence.
I find it funny how traditional gender roles take on different levels of existence depending on the argument.
Not all men of course. My brother does the cooking at his house (my sister-in-law isn't a great cook) and my brother does the yardwork and home repairs. He pulls his weight as does my sister-in-law. They both work and both do things around the house. But some men don't. My ex was one of them. I think he resented me and having to hide his true self. He was pretty unhappy all around--not just at home either. Before he left me, he alienated all his family except his sister and all of his friends.
What could I do about it? Divorce? I didn't believe in breaking my vows and frankly, divorce is also against my religion. Like I've said before, my ex leaving me and coming out of the closet was the best thing he could have done. Not only did it set me free, but knowing he was gay took away a lot of the pain because I knew it wasn't something I did wrong, it was just the way things were.
I would guess that if a mans wife was an overgrown child that did nothing at home he'd be unhappy too.
I just have a hard time believing that all these women who are so strong and independent would just become house slaves and hate their lives after marriage.
Well, my ex wasn't around. He was out fooling around. Someone had to take care of our daughter, our house, our yard, etc. I suppose I didn't have to, but I can't live like a pig either and if I didn't do it, it wouldn't have gotten done.
Also, not all of us are this kind of independent woman you talk about. I tend to be old fashion/conservative and value old fashion gender roles. My ex didn't. He was more liberal. So he was pushing me to work harder and move up the corporate ladder... all the while my pull was to be good wife and mother and take care of the home front. It was a conflict of values really.
Many women fall into the "house slave" roll because they can't be content to live in filth and chaos. I'm going to put a disclaimer before this next statement: NOT ALL HUSBANDS ARE LIKE THIS but the ones that are tend to fall into one of two categories: They are aggressive with their refusal to carry their load in the house (that's woman's work!) or passive-aggressive with it (sure I'll get to that or just wait to be told what to do constantly and then feel nagged about it). Meanwhile, the house is falling apart and the children need to be cared for. Also the fact that society places pressure on women to maintain the home and they get a negative rep when things are chaotic. Have you ever heard anyone say: Where is that child's father? When they look disheveled or are not prepared for the day at the sitter or school? No it's always: Why did your mother let you out of the house like that? Why didn't your mother send this or that to school? She keeps a filthy house and never cooks. What kind of a mother are you etc? Dads tend to get a pass if they can't keep up with the chores or child-rearing and they get high praise for doing the bare minimum. You see a man out with his own children and people will say stupid stuff and act like he's doing his wife a huge favor by "babysitting" his own children or he is super-dad for holding down the fort in a half-a&&ed way while the wife is occupied.
There has to be something to this study since 2/3 of divorces are initiated by women.
Quote:
Originally Posted by wipe out
I would guess that if a mans wife was an overgrown child that did nothing at home he'd be unhappy too.
I just have a hard time believing that all these women who are so strong and independent would just become house slaves and hate their lives after marriage.
Well, my ex wasn't around. He was out fooling around. Someone had to take care of our daughter, our house, our yard, etc. I suppose I didn't have to, but I can't live like a pig either and if I didn't do it, it wouldn't have gotten done.
Also, not all of us are this kind of independent woman you talk about. I tend to be old fashion/conservative and value old fashion gender roles. My ex didn't. He was more liberal. So he was pushing me to work harder and move up the corporate ladder... all the while my pull was to be good wife and mother and take care of the home front. It was a conflict of values really.
I'm sorry you went through that. He sounds like a tool.
Many women fall into the "house slave" roll because they can't be content to live in filth and chaos. I'm going to put a disclaimer before this next statement: NOT ALL HUSBANDS ARE LIKE THIS but the ones that are tend to fall into one of two categories: They are aggressive with their refusal to carry their load in the house (that's woman's work!) or passive-aggressive with it (sure I'll get to that or just wait to be told what to do constantly and then feel nagged about it). Meanwhile, the house is falling apart and the children need to be cared for. Also the fact that society places pressure on women to maintain the home and they get a negative rep when things are chaotic. Have you ever heard anyone say: Where is that child's father? When they look disheveled or are not prepared for the day at the sitter or school? No it's always: Why did your mother let you out of the house like that? Why didn't your mother send this or that to school? She keeps a filthy house and never cooks. What kind of a mother are you etc? Dads tend to get a pass if they can't keep up with the chores or child-rearing and they get high praise for doing the bare minimum. You see a man out with his own children and people will say stupid stuff and act like he's doing his wife a huge favor by "babysitting" his own children or he is super-dad for holding down the fort in a half-a&&ed way while the wife is occupied.
There has to be something to this study since 2/3 of divorces are initiated by women.
I think the high female divorce rate has to do with other factors than house work
I think it's quite a stretch to say women do all these things these days. I've never been married, but in most relationships I have been in I've been the one doing the cooking and cleaning.
You are a good guy no doubt--like my brother who also helps out because both he and his wife work full time. Times are changing for sure... but like I said, not everyone is like that (especially older couples or younger couples who follow more traditional gender roles). I think those kinds of situations might skew the numbers and make women seem unhappier in marriage than they are (baby boomers being a larger generation where women work full time and still do most of the chores compared to a much smaller generation of millennials where things are more evenly divided between two working partners).
I'm sorry you went through that. He sounds like a tool.
He was, but I really think a lot of it was pent up frustration. Like I said, he's openly gay now and a much, much happier person for it. I think holding all that in and trying to live a lie made him miserable and lash out. Like I said. First to go from his life was his own family... then his friends. At least I was the last he kicked to the curb. Honestly, he's much better now (and I am not just saying that because I no longer have to live with him, lol).
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