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I've been lurking on here for a few months but this is the first post I've actually made. I would very much appreciate feedback/advice. Thank you in advance.
So, I entered the world of OLD a few months ago. Since then, I've met this really awesomazing guy and we are now in an exclusive relationship. Here's my problem (or one of them, anyway): We are complete opposites (hell, even the astrology book my friend shared with me said that our signs are "polar opposite" each other in the zodiac). We have pretty much NOTHING in common. He has dorky interests (I'm talking Star Trek & the like)....and I don't. He smokes pot....and I don't. He gets winded walking DOWN the stairs and I try to walk/run at least a mile every day. I managed my money very well and he doesn't manage his money at all. I'm at Uni to get my Master's degree and he dropped out of high school. I have liberal views and he's very conservative. And there's more where that came from. There are also physical differences. He's 6'2 and I'm 4'10. He's White and I'm Black. I'm really small and petite and he's more than twice my size (not overweight; he's just big-boned). That being said, despite our differences, we talk every single day. We're so comfortable around each other. I've gone on dates with 5 different guys since I started OLD and I had this damn near visible wall around me, loudly proclaiming "Do NOT invade my personal space." But with him? He grabbed my hand on our first date and it was like we've been holding hands for years. Like my freaking hand was made to be held in his. We're crazy about each other.
I just can't help but worry that the discrepancies between us are easy to shrug off right now because we're in the "honeymoon" phase. Do you think that we have lasting power despite our plethora of differences or is it something that will eventually lead to the death of our relationship? I want to make it work but I'm realistic enough to be aware that our personal/political views on life will cause conflict in the future.
I've been lurking on here for a few months but this is the first post I've actually made. I would very much appreciate feedback/advice. Thank you in advance.
So, I entered the world of OLD a few months ago. Since then, I've met this really awesomazing guy and we are now in an exclusive relationship. Here's my problem (or one of them, anyway): We are complete opposites (hell, even the astrology book my friend shared with me said that our signs are "polar opposite" each other in the zodiac). We have pretty much NOTHING in common. He has dorky interests (I'm talking Star Trek & the like)....and I don't. He smokes pot....and I don't. He gets winded walking DOWN the stairs and I try to walk/run at least a mile every day. I managed my money very well and he doesn't manage his money at all. I'm at Uni to get my Master's degree and he dropped out of high school. I have liberal views and he's very conservative. And there's more where that came from. There are also physical differences. He's 6'2 and I'm 4'10. He's White and I'm Black. I'm really small and petite and he's more than twice my size (not overweight; he's just big-boned). That being said, despite our differences, we talk every single day. We're so comfortable around each other. I've gone on dates with 5 different guys since I started OLD and I had this damn near visible wall around me, loudly proclaiming "Do NOT invade my personal space." But with him? He grabbed my hand on our first date and it was like we've been holding hands for years. Like my freaking hand was made to be held in his. We're crazy about each other.
I just can't help but worry that the discrepancies between us are easy to shrug off right now because we're in the "honeymoon" phase. Do you think that we have lasting power despite our plethora of differences or is it something that will eventually lead to the death of our relationship? I want to make it work but I'm realistic enough to be aware that our personal/political views on life will cause conflict in the future.
The HUGE difference in education is the clincher. You are not a match!
No one knows the future. Although I will say the picture you painted of him isn't too pretty... If you are a master's educated woman who manages her finances well, stays in shape, and has liberal world views and he's a high school drop out who likes to lay on the couch all day watching Star Trek, then I can see how one of these days you might not be so enamored of him anymore. But, I don't know him - you do. If he's a great guy who works hard at whatever he does and he treats you well and is supportive and thoughtful and is respectful of your differing world views, then who says it can't work out?
I'm awful at following my own advice - I always look too far into the future and worry about what if, BUT if you are truly happy right now, then maybe you should just enjoy the day to day and not worry too much about being unhappy down the line. You could have everything in common and things might not work out. There's just no way to know.
The HUGE difference in education is the clincher. You are not a match!
You are aiming very low!
He could also be a drug user.
Why are you on OLD?
Why not get a date the normal way?
*sigh* There IS a huge difference in education but he has a well-above-minimum-wage full-time job. As for the "drug user" part, as I stated in my initial post, he DOES smoke pot but nothing else AFAIK. Would I prefer if he didn't? Sure. But as I also smoked pot throughout my teens, I don't have room to judge. As for being on OLD and not getting dates "the normal way"? The definition of "normal" constantly changes, if there ever was a real definition for it. Lots of my friends have done the OLD thing at one point and some are still with their SO's years later. As I am a person who likes and is open to trying new things, I figured why not?
No one knows the future. Although I will say the picture you painted of him isn't too pretty... If you are a master's educated woman who manages her finances well, stays in shape, and has liberal world views and he's a high school drop out who likes to lay on the couch all day watching Star Trek, then I can see how one of these days you might not be so enamored of him anymore. But, I don't know him - you do. If he's a great guy who works hard at whatever he does and he treats you well and is supportive and thoughtful and is respectful of your differing world views, then who says it can't work out?
I'm awful at following my own advice - I always look too far into the future and worry about what if, BUT if you are truly happy right now, then maybe you should just enjoy the day to day and not worry too much about being unhappy down the line. You could have everything in common and things might not work out. There's just no way to know.
SEE! That right there is a problem I also have. I am a big worrier and and planner. I've talked to him about my worries but he's very laidback and chill about it. He's always telling to "live in the moment" but it's damn near impossible for me. I'm trying my very best but then he'll ask me if I saw "insert-obscure-sci-fi-movie" and I'm reminded that one of the only things we have in common is how much we adore each other.
SEE! That right there is a problem I also have. I am a big worrier and and planner. I've talked to him about my worries but he's very laidback and chill about it. He's always telling to "live in the moment" but it's damn near impossible for me. I'm trying my very best but then he'll ask me if I saw "insert-obscure-sci-fi-movie" and I'm reminded that one of the only things we have in common is how much we adore each other.
Perhaps you should look for the things you have in common and not the differences? Are your core values the same? You both believe in being faithful in a relationship, you both care about family and friends, you both think it is important to be a kind and compassionate person? I can be a little neurotic, so it is best for me to be with someone who can help me chill out. Maybe it is for you too. Sometimes it is better to have a little yin and yang than to be exactly the same. Different interests can be a good thing that can help you both broaden your horizons, you know?
I went on a match dating spree a couple years ago - I looked for guys who were college educated, professional jobs, etc. etc. Blah! A lot of them treated me like an after thought! They looked good on paper - we seemed to have the same interests and goals, but they didn't treat me well or make me happy. Look at what matters - he makes you happy! He is affectionate! Can you count on him? It may be down the line you guys are too different, but the things I just mentioned count for a lot.
It may work out between you two. The differences you highlighted are all superficial.
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SEE! That right there is a problem I also have. I am a big worrier and and planner. I've talked to him about my worries but he's very laidback and chill about it. He's always telling to "live in the moment" but it's damn near impossible for me. I'm trying my very best but then he'll ask me if I saw "insert-obscure-sci-fi-movie" and I'm reminded that one of the only things we have in common is how much we adore each other.
