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How does it change your feeling about an interaction, if you use one word or the other one?
For me, if I ask some one out and they say no, if I think of them as declining my invitation, it feels neutral, and not a big deal. If I think of them as rejecting me, that sounds like they did something hurtful to me.
This is one of the most powerful tools that PUA websites, etc. use to prevent men from getting dates, while keeping them hooked with the idea that in just a few clicks more, they will get dates.
By constantly framing a woman saying no as 'rejection', they program (male) readers' unconscious minds with the message that women who say no are taking aggressive action to hurt the men they decline. They make you feel like women are hurting you, and like it would be a rational response to get angry. Then women pick up on that anger, and are even more likely to say no, and you feel even more like you need PUA to help you.
How does it change your feeling about an interaction, if you use one word or the other one?
For me, if I ask some one out and they say no, if I think of them as declining my invitation, it feels neutral, and not a big deal. If I think of them as rejecting me, that sounds like they did something hurtful to me.
This is one of the most powerful tools that PUA websites, etc. use to prevent men from getting dates, while keeping them hooked with the idea that in just a few clicks more, they will get dates.
By constantly framing a woman saying no as 'rejection', they program (male) readers' unconscious minds with the message that women who say no are taking aggressive action to hurt the men they decline. They make you feel like women are hurting you, and like it would be a rational response to get angry. Then women pick up on that anger, and are even more likely to say no, and you feel even more like you need PUA to help you.
It's pretty clever marketing.
It's not about that. It's about numbers.
If 100 men 'declined your invitation' and you declined none, then you don't have the mindset that you have now. There's men who have rejected almost as many women as they have been rejected by and they are able to see it more of a 'just not a right match' sort of way. It's kinda hard to rationalize it as 'just not a match' when 100 women you like have decided you are not a match for them, but you have rejected zero.
Well, the CD forum users say, that just means you're a loser who repels women because you are a detestable human being and you need to completely make yourself over. Well, that mentality isn't too useful either.
A better mindset is that men (or you at least) just have to approach, and rejection is part of the game.
Most people expect to handle rejection for what it is and would probably see the term "Turning down an invitation" as sugarcoating it.
Yeah. Rejection is rejection. They just didn't like you, which can be very upsetting. Nothing to do but try to find another target-suppose of you get rejected enough, you get numb to it, and handle it better.
Terminology matters. And it seems many jump to the most negative, dramatic option, for effect? To bolster their role of victim? if a guy asks me out, if my friend asks me to do something, if a Girl Scout asks me to buy cookies, saying no to all of them is declining their offer, not rejecting them as people.
But the marketing sure explains a lot of the hatred we see here, because I've never understood why some guys are so angry toward women.
If 100 men 'declined your invitation' and you declined none, then you don't have the mindset that you have now. There's men who have rejected almost as many women as they have been rejected by and they are able to see it more of a 'just not a right match' sort of way. It's kinda hard to rationalize it as 'just not a match' when 100 women you like have decided you are not a match for them, but you have rejected zero.
Well, the CD forum users say, that just means you're a loser who repels women because you are a detestable human being and you need to completely make yourself over. Well, that mentality isn't too useful either.
A better mindset is that men (or you at least) just have to approach, and rejection is part of the game.
Detestable, wow that's a strong word for someone who can't get a date. I would think a detestable human being would be someone who rapes, tortures and murders children and innocent people or mooches off of others with no ambition to go out and get their own. I mean the two can overlap sometimes but not always.
REJECTION:
the dismissing or refusing of a proposal, idea, etc.
"the union decided last night to recommend rejection of the offer"
synonyms: refusal, declining, turning down, dismissal, spurning
"a rejection of the offer"
"Madeleine's rejection of him" the spurning of a person's affections.
"some people are reluctant to try it, because they fear rejection"
I define it depending on how much I have invested in a woman. Like the last definition implies, some affection needs to be involved. So if I don't know the woman much, or at all, and we've only had a good chat, but she turns me down when I ask for her number, I'll take it as "not a match", and move on. If I know her from somewhere and have started to get interested, and have gotten along with her well on an informal basis to the point that I'm hoping we can go out and get to the official couple stage, I'll feel rejected if she brushes me off.
But another definition there is a basic brush-off. So, it is what you want it to be. Take your pick.
If you ask me out and I reply with "Thank you but I have a BF", or some variation, then I am rejecting the idea of going out with you; if you ask me out and I say "I'm sorry I'm busy on Friday, but I am clear next weekend!", then I have declined your invitation.
No, I don't consider those definitions written in stone, but that's how I categorize them in my mind.
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By constantly framing a woman saying no as 'rejection', they program (male) readers' unconscious minds with the message that women who say no are taking aggressive action to hurt the men they decline. They make you feel like women are hurting you, and like it would be a rational response to get angry. Then women pick up on that anger, and are even more likely to say no, and you feel even more like you need PUA to help you.
It's pretty clever marketing.
Hmm....ya think? That would explain a few things about this forum. It's sad, really. I don't think anyone needs to get angry, unless someone has been rude. There's no call for rudeness, unless someone's been pestering a person, and hasn't taken "no" for an answer, or something.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 08-18-2014 at 08:58 PM..
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