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YOu probably never "see" it because the gay couples who are settled and monogamous aren't the ones out cruising gay bars on the weekends or with a Grindr profile.
It's cruel to the woman because if you present yourself as straight, she's going to assume that you're actually attracted to her and not picturing Chris Hemsworth while you're having sex. And would you able to be monogamous, or would you be sneaking off on the sly to fulfill your sexual needs?
Yeah the grindr/adam4adam this is so common, thank you for mentioning it. That's what scares me the most.
As for the woman, idk, women always liked me, hit on me, and stuff but I never wanted to lead anyone on. And no I wouldn't cheat.
I guess I was hoping that women who have dated or are in relationships with similar men would reply to my post. I'm not trying to offend anyone, I'm frustrated with my life. Its not like I can even be this way, my dad would probably break me down beyond words if he ever found out. I know, I'm 26, I'm an adult, but still, I am from a town with a population of 5,000 originally and we were raised wayyyyyyyyyy different.
Yeah the grindr/adam4adam this is so common, thank you for mentioning it. That's what scares me the most.
As for the woman, idk, women always liked me, hit on me, and stuff but I never wanted to lead anyone on. And no I wouldn't cheat.
I guess I was hoping that women who have dated or are in relationships with similar men would reply to my post. I'm not trying to offend anyone, I'm frustrated with my life. Its not like I can even be this way, my dad would probably break me down beyond words if he ever found out. I know, I'm 26, I'm an adult, but still, I am from a town with a population of 5,000 originally and we were raised wayyyyyyyyyy different.
This song was written for guys like you. Seriously.
Then you do what gay people have been doing from time immemorial: move somewhere bigger with a gay community where you can be yourself.
I did, there is a huge gay community here, but its so different from how I was raised. All my friends I grew up with in that dirt road town are all married, have a kid or two, and here I am. I'm the only one, and we was all expected to be married by the age of 21 no later. I feel like I've been left behind, but I cant relate to the modern people of bigger cities. Its a tough issue.
I'm aware of a number of stable gay couples, some of whom are married or who've been together for decades, among my acquaintances and friends-of-friends, and I agree that bars and personal ads are not the right place to look for a long-term relationship (straight as well as gay).
OTOH, there is a nonzero percentage of women out there who'd be willing to marry a man they know is gay, with a relationship based on loving friendship and long-term commitment rather than mutual lust. (Perhaps because they're fed up with straight men generally, just as the OP appears to be fed up with other gay men generally. Or whatever.) I don't see anything wrong with a guy who self-identifies as gay seeking out such a relationship with a woman as long as everyone is honest about the situation and what they want from it.
Then you do what gay people have been doing from time immemorial: move somewhere bigger with a gay community where you can be yourself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PixiebobPNW
I did, there is a huge gay community here, but its so different from how I was raised. All my friends I grew up with in that dirt road town are all married, have a kid or two, and here I am. I'm the only one, and we was all expected to be married by the age of 21 no later. I feel like I've been left behind, but I cant relate to the modern people of bigger cities. Its a tough issue.
I am ***** (not strictly gay), and I grew up in the country and moved to a city. It's an adjustment, but you will eventually feel at home. How long have you been in the city?
I think ure over thinking it really...people tend to get really uptight about marrying someone you arent madly attracted to...but if you think ure going to be the first man in history who has ever married a woman after being gay, you're a fool. Its a relatively new concept that every man and woman who get married are somehow madly in love with each other on every level...people have been marrying across sexual orientations since the beginning of time, and not all of them wound up drowning in tears and heartache either...there are MANY marriages BETWEEN straight men and women that dont involve much deep attraction in the first place...and many older couples find that the attraction they DID have to one another has long since left the building...and they arent all miserable and sad and suicidal about it either. If you choose to go that route, i suspect you'll wind up just like a good many other people who have found love that wasnt based entirely on gender: happy, content and surrounded by your own family. Hell you may even be bisexual, in which case you have every right to find love whereever you can.
OTOH, there is a nonzero percentage of women out there who'd be willing to marry a man they know is gay, with a relationship based on loving friendship and long-term commitment rather than mutual lust. (Perhaps because they're fed up with straight men generally, just as the OP appears to be fed up with other gay men generally. Or whatever.) I don't see anything wrong with a guy who self-identifies as gay seeking out such a relationship with a woman as long as everyone is honest about the situation and what they want from it.
I do know one couple who is in what they call a "mixed orientation" marriage. They have grown children, and she's aware of his sexual orientation, so everything is out in the open. She is also supportive of her husband exploring his sexuality safely outside of their marriage. So these women are out there, but they may be few and far between in Small Town USA.
Seconding or thirding or whatever-ing that is sounds like you're not hanging around the right peer group. There are plenty of gay guys who don't follow the stereotypical "lifestyle", and I think you're also hitting the age where a lot of them who partied hard in their younger years are growing out of it.
How involved are you in your current community? I volunteered with a few local LGBT groups and met a pretty great variety of people.
The preacher of my family church said to everyone a while back whilst preaching, "The man of god gracefully lets go of something the lord doesn't want for him."
I'm thinking that was directed towards me. I don't like who I am or what I want to be. So I need to let this go, get a woman and settle down.
Thank you everyone for your replies and taking your time to write on here.
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