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Old 08-17-2014, 09:46 PM
 
13 posts, read 13,026 times
Reputation: 11

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As the title says i'm one of those late-bloomers on the romance scene, so to speak. Rather then have this be some sort of pity-party like a-lot of fellow late bloomers seem to initiate, I would like this thread to be a place to share experiences and maybe learn some stuff that sheds some light on this whole process.

So, my story so far: I'm 25, never had a girlfriend, sex, kiss or anything. I just started dating a few months ago. My first experience went quite well. I got to a third date, but she didn't see me as relationship potential. I had fun on these dates, but their was no physical stuff going on at all. I think I was too nervous because of my lack of experience. I didn't do anything on those 3 dates to indicate that I was romantically interested in this person and I think that's what put me in the "friend-zone". I know this because I got the whole, 'you're a great guy...' routine. So my lesson learned from this experience was, always initiate some romantic interest by the third date. Maybe you can get away with just 'hanging out' on the first two, but if you haven't shown romantic interest by #3, you are going to struggle.

After this I went on a number of first dates, none successful. One person showed up 30-minutes late without any acknowledgement to her tardiness. From the very first minute, I decided I am not going to pursue anything with this woman. Her behavior showed a lack of respect for my time, which in turn shows a lack of respect toward me. No way i'm dealing with that.

Next, I got to date #5 with someone. I had my first proper kiss However, they were the initiator. After date 5, the person told me it wasn't working out. Once again, I got the great-guy routine. I think my error with this person was that I revealed my lack of experience. I didn't do this using direct language, but I alluded to it. Once I did this, it was all downhill I think. Also, I think I really should have been more confident in initiating romantic gestures.

My goal for the next person I go out with is to be the initiator of kissing, holding hands etc. I think i'll be more confident about it now that i've finally had my first kiss. Also, I need to hold off on revealing my lack of experience. It's a complete turn-off and I don't care how empathetic somebody is, this is going to be a problem.

It's also really important to respect yourself. Don't just go for anybody who seems interested. Make sure they could be a good match for you and make sure they respect you. Respect yourself first and only then will you receive respect.

Anybody have anything to add to this? I'm looking to learn as much as I can since i'm playing catch-up here, so any good insights would be appreciated.
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Old 08-17-2014, 09:52 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,126 posts, read 107,381,087 times
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Congrats on a good start, and on acknowledging your learning process. It sounds like you're well on your way. Just be patient.
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Old 08-17-2014, 09:55 PM
 
13 posts, read 13,026 times
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Thanks Another thing I picked up on is that I need to compliment more. Now that I think about it, I can't remember one time I did so during these dates. I've always gone by the approach of actions-speak-louder-than-words, but maybe some nice compliments can be thrown in every now and then without making me look like a desperate sap.
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Old 08-17-2014, 10:00 PM
 
290 posts, read 213,806 times
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I may not have a whole lot of dating experience, but I feel like if a woman went on a 3rd date with you, then she's at least open to the possibility of being in a relationship with you. As someone who's shy, I'd feel comfortable physically escalating on the 3rd date.
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Old 08-17-2014, 10:00 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,126 posts, read 107,381,087 times
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Well, don't overdo it on the compliments, or it'll sound fake. But a casual "you look nice, tonight" is good. Paying attention to what she says and asking follow-up questions, i.e acting interested, works very well, especially if it's sincere interest.
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Old 08-17-2014, 10:04 PM
 
13 posts, read 13,026 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
Well, don't overdo it on the compliments, or it'll sound fake. But a casual "you look nice, tonight" is good. Paying attention to what she says and asking follow-up questions, i.e acting interested, works very well, especially if it's sincere interest.
Yeah, agreed but I didn't even do the casual-compliments either. I'm not sure why to be honest, I guess that sort of thing doesn't come naturally too me. But it's something to work on. I think it's because us guys are told to make sure we don't seem too eager on the dates otherwise we will look desperate. I think I interpreted compliments as being too eager, but it's a delicate balance.
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Old 08-17-2014, 10:06 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,126 posts, read 107,381,087 times
Reputation: 115947
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodyaskedme View Post
Yeah, agreed but I didn't even do the casual-compliments either. I'm not sure why to be honest, I guess that sort of thing doesn't come naturally too me. But it's something to work on. I think it's because us guys are told to make sure we don't seem too eager on the dates otherwise we will look desperate. I think I interpreted compliments as being too eager, but it's a delicate balance.
You're new at it, that's all. You were just trying to get through your first few experiences. Probably too nervous to relax and be natural some of the time. Don't beat yourself up. It's a good start. And yes, it's a delicate balance.
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Old 08-17-2014, 10:07 PM
 
Location: Queens, NY
4,525 posts, read 3,395,097 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2kCity33 View Post
I may not have a whole lot of dating experience, but I feel like if a woman went on a 3rd date with you, then she's at least open to the possibility of being in a relationship with you. As someone who's shy, I'd feel comfortable physically escalating on the 3rd date.
I definitely agree with this 100 percent.
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Old 08-17-2014, 10:13 PM
 
Location: Lebanon, OH
7,060 posts, read 8,900,924 times
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Keep looking and at some point you will encounter someone who is a good person on the inside and she will be the keeper.
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Old 08-17-2014, 10:19 PM
 
13 posts, read 13,026 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by woxyroxme View Post
Keep looking and at some point you will encounter someone who is a good person on the inside and she will be the keeper.
I don't know, I think these two were good people on the inside, I just couldn't give them what they wanted from a relationship.

I'm not sure if i'm just too eager to find a easy solution, but i'm almost certain the lack of confidence in physical stuff is the only reason for these dates falling flat. Literally everything else was going well. Good conversations that flowed well, lots of laughs, agreement about ways we interpret the world and we starting discussing some deeper topics as well like our families and stuff. They were all in the 2-4 hour range and none of them dragged. The physical hesitance is the only thing I can think of that didn't work out well, but maybe i'm overlooking some other key things that were important.
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