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Say your very good friends of many years were introduced to your ex (when you were together of course) but now that you are broken up they still are close with your ex even though they agree with your choice to breakup. Would that bother you? Especially if her side (friends and family) have all cut ties with you.
Say your very good friends of many years were introduced to your ex (when you were together of course) but now that you are broken up they still are close with your ex even though they agree with your choice to breakup. Would that bother you? Especially if her side (friends and family) have all cut ties with you.
In other words, the friends have remained close to the ex, and the ex's friends and family have cut all ties to you? How would you take it?
I think your friends empathize with the ex.
Her friends and family dislike the pain caused onto her. So, would it bother me? I'd be bothered if I didn't own up to my mistakes, yeah it'd bother me. It would also bother me if I was honest and she wasn't and they took her side, then I'd question who's really my friends.
Loyalty in friendships are so very important. And, if I'm in the wrong, true friends will call me out on my B.S. That doesn't imply they are disloyal. Tells me they are a true friend, and can be trusted and unbiased. Wouldn't you rather prefer people who can be unbiased and logical, rather than illogical and biased, snapping at anyone at any moment just cus they feel like it bc they want to side with you? That to me is irrational, and I don't like stupid people.
When my ex and I were breaking up, his family and a few of his friends were closer to me and I thought about this very thing. I thought it would be completely unfair to also take his support system when I have my own family and friends as a support system. Even though I was the more talkative and outgoing person of the two, he needed someone(s), so I cut ties with his family and friends, in order to keep it simple.
That said, I know many people who have remained close to their family member's EX for years and years and it works out fine.
My suggestion to you is to keep in contact with your friends and family and speak to them like normal. They more than likely don't want to be in the middle of anything anyway.
No.
It sounds like you harbor a lot of resentment towards your former wife to be asking that question. Better that they stay on good terms with both parties than to take the side of one to the exclusion of the other, ya think? As long as they have enough common sense to not tell the ex of time spent with you (and to not tell you of time spent with her) I don't see what the problem is.
When I moved to the building where I live now the upstairs neighbors were quite the pair. The husband was a politician wanna-be. He thrived on public gatherings, glad-handing and yakking up everyone in sight, creating committees and organizations to be the HMFIC of, you get the picture. That was when he wasn't hitting the bottle and trashing the basement. (No spousal abuse, at least physical, ever occurred that anyone knows about.) The wife was paranoid in the true sense of the word. When I met her as I strolled the block meeting people in advance of buying, she told wild stories of shootings and gang activity and said she regretted moving there. Little did she know, I'd been living a mere block down a cross street and knew full well the neighborhood was good. She kept her reputation for loopiness alive in the years to come. Eventually they split up and he moved out.
Point being, Robert Burns put it best in his Scottish brogue: If only we had the power to see ourselves as others see us. Neither of those neighbors were completely compatible with me; I saw their good points and dealt with them from there. Post-breakup I stayed on friendly terms with the wife as before. The one time I ever saw the husband (he'd moved to another city in the metro area) all was cordial too. Goodness only knows what they thought of me or - especially in her case - if they stressed out over whether I was mingling with their former spouse. It was no skin off my nose either way. That last sentence is key. Relatives and friends, no matter how far back you go with them, are never going to perceive you 100% the way you do. They may see your side of things but also may understand where the ex is coming from. In their minds neither of you is completely right or wrong unless there was a glaring offense (cheating, violence, stuff like that.) Since it's not enough to write off one person or the other, they maintain their ties with both. Their continued association with her should be no skin off your nose.
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