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My boyfriend just broke up with me. We've been dating for about 2 months. I know it's short, but it's been the best relationship I've ever been in. He's handsome, fit, educated, caring, nice, generous, has a stable job, funny, etc etc... basically he's everything I've ever wanted in a guy. There's one little problem that seems to stick out like a sore thumb in our relationship.. he's 33 and I'm 22 years old. I am in the process of moving away soon for graduate school and my career which I've worked hard for my whole life, and he already has a career that he loves. He felt like I wasn't as committed to the relationship as he was, which is untrue. I am committed, I'm just not ready to settle down - my life has barely started and I have yet to see what the world has to offer, while he already has so many great life experiences with all his travels and whatnot. I told myself I would never let a guy hold me back from my career goals, but this guy is making me second guess myself. I'm completely crushed because I felt like the break-up was too sudden and just two weeks ago, we finally said the "L" word to one another. It's taking me all my strength not to get up and call him. I want him back, but I know things won't change. I have never felt this way about a guy before and I can't stop thinking about him.
What should I do? How do I get over him? Or should I try to get him back? I'm in tears right now.
Move on and live your life or regret your decision to stay and resent him for "making" you stay. Trust me you both will be past this very soon.
You never, ever give up your dream for some guy I don't care who he is and if you do give up your dream for some guy, it wasn't much of a dream and he isn't much of a man to allow it to happen.
Well, it's not like he proposed to you. You shouldn't go changing your life after only 2 months of dating and he hasn't even asked you to marry him. Discussing intentions to marry one day not the same, you actually have no idea how serious he is/was about you. This is a lesson that you need to learn about men. Go on their actions not words.
He brought up the topic about marriage and kids because he wanted my opinion on it. I told him I'm not at that stage in my life yet and it was pretty clear he wanted to settle down with someone (even though it may not be me if he could just break up that easily.) I'm honestly crushed and I can't stop thinking about him. Can't eat can't sleep. I deleted his number but I already remember it by heart.
Maybe I'll just do grad school here? Maybe I'll push it back a year? I don't like feeling like this. No guy has ever made me feel this way before. We knew we had to discuss about it when the time comes, I just didn't expect it to turn out like this.
follow what you originally planned to do before you met this guy.
He brought up the topic about marriage and kids because he wanted my opinion on it. I told him I'm not at that stage in my life yet and it was pretty clear he wanted to settle down with someone (even though it may not be me if he could just break up that easily.) I'm honestly crushed and I can't stop thinking about him. Can't eat can't sleep. I deleted his number but I already remember it by heart.
I am in a situation like this with only a 2 year age gap and in addition we had a much longer relationship. Still, I think the same principle holds. I feel much the same way as he does - more stable, in a "real" career type job, her wanting to move away to go to school to chase her career. I don't begrudge her that at all. It does not make sense for me to give up my career - which I'm several years into by now - for an uncertain situation and as a grad student she's not going to pay the bills. I have a house now, some respect in the community, and a career that I'm doing well in. I can't just give that up and if I tried to make her give her chance up she would resent me and I'd feel guilty. I can't do that either.
What I've learned about relationships by age 31 is that one person's career must take a hit for them to work. There are the occasional relationships that have two people with high powered careers who are really happy and both with careers on independent trajectories in their own right. However, my experience is that this happens only when people meet after they are already into their careers. Otherwise, every couple I know at my work has a spouse who put the family first, supporting the one with the career. It doesn't mean they do nothing, but they are definitely in the passenger seat career-wise. It can be either the male or female.
You have already answered your own question. You continue on with your life, that's how you go about getting over it. You have also already made the choice and just need to accept it. If you really wanted to give up grad school and the career track you would have not written this question.
This was much worse for me because the relationship was 3.5 years long. We could sustain long distance a while because it was such a deep relationship.
Yours is only 2 months. It cannot sustain long distance. I hate to say this, but you're still young and you hardly know each other. The guy, at 33, knows this full well. He's probably been through it before. I know how you feel because I had breakups in my early 20s too and they were horrible.
Quote:
Originally Posted by natiam
My boyfriend just broke up with me. We've been dating for about 2 months. I know it's short, but it's been the best relationship I've ever been in. He's handsome, fit, educated, caring, nice, generous, has a stable job, funny, etc etc... basically he's everything I've ever wanted in a guy. There's one little problem that seems to stick out like a sore thumb in our relationship.. he's 33 and I'm 22 years old. I am in the process of moving away soon for graduate school and my career which I've worked hard for my whole life, and he already has a career that he loves. He felt like I wasn't as committed to the relationship as he was, which is untrue. I am committed, I'm just not ready to settle down - my life has barely started and I have yet to see what the world has to offer, while he already has so many great life experiences with all his travels and whatnot. I told myself I would never let a guy hold me back from my career goals, but this guy is making me second guess myself. I'm completely crushed because I felt like the break-up was too sudden and just two weeks ago, we finally said the "L" word to one another. It's taking me all my strength not to get up and call him. I want him back, but I know things won't change. I have never felt this way about a guy before and I can't stop thinking about him.
What should I do? How do I get over him? Or should I try to get him back? I'm in tears right now.
Last edited by redguard57; 08-19-2014 at 09:58 PM..
BTW, Sjrth looks like a young Judy Garland Wonder if she can sing?
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Big hugs.
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Wonder if she can sing? 
