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While I was on my trail ride today I was pondering the other woman and other man situation I've seen a little more in my later years. What I pondered is how do people end up in these situations and some ideas that I thought of made it clearer? A situation of an acquaintance I know recently is one where she was unhappy in her marriage after having two kids and having surgery to lose weight. The unhappiness of her marriage began to rang louder and louder each day and she ended up looking up an old high school crush. Found out that he was also dealing with unhappiness in his marriage. They both ended up hooking up with each other while both still being married, which was the final push to divorce her husband.
Unfortunately, after her divorce she wanted to become serious with her lover. Up to them hooking up, he kept telling her how much he cared/loved her and how he wanted to be together. Once they had sex he kept saying those things; however, he kept dragging his feet on leaving his wife. This went on for months and last I heard he still isn't leaving his wife. For this situation, she ended up being forcefully placed as the other woman because he didn't want to commit to her.
Another situation could be the person who put off romance for school, career, or a combination of both. Say you went to med school or law school and just didn't have the time to meet someone. Say you finish school and you're late 20's or early 30's. You go out on some dates and even have a short lived relationship, but you just don't meet that person who really makes you go that extra mile to be with them. Then one day, you meet this person who just drives you wild and they can seem to always say the right things to you, but the big obstacle is they are "happily" married. They too tell you all the things you want to hear and spoil you with attention, yet they just don't want to leave their spouse. Here you are, 2 years into an affair, and you feel no more better than you did the first time you met them. In this situation, you put off romance during what society considers your "prime" years, and once you were seriously on the market, there wasn't a lot of available people to choose from.
What I pondered while taking turns to dodge trees was that some people really do find themselves in situations where they settle for less, because having a part time lover is better than a terminated lover. I don't agree with it, but it is something that I understand and can sympathize with why someone would enter into a situation like that. It can be hard out in those streets to date.
Anyone else have other ideas to why people tend to get into these situations? I figured this thread is better than people racking their brains on why someone doesn't call, text, or want to see them.
What I pondered while taking turns to dodge trees was that some people really do find themselves in situations where they settle for less, because having a part time lover is better than a terminated lover. I don't agree with it, but it is something that I understand and can sympathize with why someone would enter into a situation like that. It can be hard out in those streets to date.
Anyone else have other ideas to why people tend to get into these situations? I figured this thread is better than people racking their brains on why someone doesn't call, text, or want to see them.
When a woman decides to be the secret concubine she has basically decided to settle for less. It is often a woman that is a bit older and has less options. No one wants to be a concubine on purpose, but I am certain there are exceptions.
Cheating wives usually get a divorce. Cheating husbands stay married. That is how it works.
That the H said he was in the marriage of HELL was just an excuse to get some extracurricular activity.
Lastly, these two individuals probably have low self esteem and lack of self respect. I feel sorry for both.
On other relationship sites, I have seen zillions of threads from (young) women who were tricked.
Their 'new bf' had to travel a lot for business, or was in an open marriage with a wife who didn't want to know any details, or was caretaking his elderly mother and didn't want to disturb her. Or whatever. There was SOME reason gf couldn't call him at home, but texting was fine. More than one woman actually believed men who said they were spies!
A year or two into the relationship, maybe after they are 'engaged', she finds out he is married.
When a woman decides to be the secret concubine she has basically decided to settle for less. It is often a woman that is a bit older and has less options. No one wants to be a concubine on purpose, but I am certain there are exceptions.
Cheating wives usually get a divorce. Cheating husbands stay married. That is how it works.
That the H said he was in the marriage of HELL was just an excuse to get some extracurricular activity.
Lastly, these two individuals probably have low self esteem and lack of self respect. I feel sorry for both.
I know a woman who became one. She was thinking she had a shot to steal him away at the beginning. Then she saw that may not happen, and seems aware he uses her, and plans to never leave his girlfriend for her. She complains about his lack of respect, but she doesn't exactly command any. She complains he doesn't talk to her in-between hook ups enough. But she ends up sleeping with him anyhow, then whining online about how mean he is, and how she feels terrible, can't sleep, eat, and feels used.
And another woman who is a mistress to her ex boyfriend who says his wife doesn't give him sex anymore, and she and he are perfectly content cheating this other woman. As she says "hopefully nobody will find out and cause pain all around." I get the feeling she doesn't care about anyone being in pain, nor does he or they wouldn't be s;sleeping together while he's married.
And sadly, they'll probably get away with it and live happily ever after.
I don't feel sorry for people who cheat, nor the mister or mistress they cheat with. If the other is miserable, like the 1st girl I mention-good. Serves them right messing with a cheater, and liar, and helping them 2-time someone. But I also want the cheater to be found out and dumped.
Both participants are just showing how selfish, childish, and sad they are.
1. For some, it's a competition. They like taken people because they like being able to say they're hot enough to pry them from their SO.
2. Some are selfish and spoiled. They see someone they want, and they are willing to ruin a relationship to get it. May not hate the other party, but they don't care who gets hurt.
3. Jealousy, sometimes it could be a personal issue, and they want payback, or to get over on them by hooking up with their SO.
4. Low self-esteem. They need validation, and it may make them feel good that a taken person is choosing them, over their SO. Sadly, sometimes it's delusion, and they find they were only an extra on the side, and the other party never planned to treat them or see them, as anything more.
The 2nd woman in my example seems to fit #2. She takes pride in being a man's mistress, and seems like she is very chummy with him for someone who claims to not want a relationship. And she sees no issue with it because sex is a need, and it's great with him, so she keeps going after him. She's around 50. Selfish, and can't get her own single man evidently, or can, but wants what she wants, even helping him play another woman.
The 1st girl seems to fit 1 and 2. She claims to be hot, and intelligent-being in law school. And she states the girlfriend is fat, ugly and stupid. And always stating she's not attractive enough for him. She states his off-handed treatment hurts her pride, which is, I theorize, why she's stuck around so long, because she can't accept that a guy she likes doesn't want her for anything but a bootycall, and still prefers his girlfriend on an emotional level. She's been with him 1 year now, and she asked if he'd see what a catch she was if she stuck around. So, spoiled, prideful, hateful, and naive. Talks about being a catch, but can't even catch the one guy she wants, who thinks her a cheap sex toy.
Affairs are always a catalyst for change.. Love is the greatest motivator on the planet, just as fear is equally the greatest de-motivator. What each party changes, or in many cases does not change, is always dependent on the strength of their desire for true personal growth, or a surrender to their own continued stagnation.
Affairs are always a catalyst for change.. Love is the greatest motivator on the planet, just as fear is equally the greatest de-motivator. What each party changes, or in many cases does not change, is always dependent on the strength of their desire for true personal growth, or a surrender to their own continued stagnation.
Wow, affairs sound great!!!
Clearly nobody can really grow up, or achieve their full potential, without at least one.
I don't agree with cheating but I see why it happens as well. It seems in my neck of the woods, people only leave their marriage when they have someone else's arms to fall into. A guy who rides in our mountain bike group was caught by his wife cheating with another woman.
It was good. Rained on Monday so some slick spots in the flat sections of the trail. Ready for the season to be over, so I can focus on a new bike for next season. My frame is a tad too small, so going to look into a large or extra large frame with a shorter stem.
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