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Old 07-21-2018, 05:42 AM
 
1 posts, read 724 times
Reputation: 10

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My parents are gone and so is my husband. I’m a widow in my middle-age and I have two adult children and sisters with brother-in-law‘s with their kids. That’s what my family is and needless to say it is critical to stay close even though everyone lives out of town except my son. I have dated someone for two years who they all really liked and thought I could build a future with and so did I until I realized he was too “attached“ to his old house and since he lived 80 miles away and didn’t want to sell the house until retirement about three years from now and because I work full-time I had to break up with him. My whole family was very disappointed. My sisters and son have been telling me to wait for him to come back but I know that’s a waste of time.

I went on some dating sites and I reconnected with the prior boyfriend I dated for several years. we have been on and off but he is really worked out his life so he is in a good place. I had broken up with him all those other times because he didn’t have his life together. However he did serve time 12 years ago for white-collar crime but he has rebuilt his life, got a new career, etc. He certainly doesn’t have much money like my prior boyfriend nor does he have a nest egg like me for retirement and he is retirement age but we really missed each other and i fell back in love with him and I know he is always loved me and my children. He earns enough to pay his bills and put some money aside.

My son isn’t thrilled I’m seeing him again because he remembers all of the breakups and doesn’t want me hurt but my daughter just wants me to be happy.

I’m not living with him yet because I wanna Zmake sure the “changes” are for real. In September I’m renting a beach house for me and my kids. My bf wants to come and I want him too as well. Before I broke up with the prior boyfriend I invited my sister and husband to stay a few days. I never told my sisters about the current boyfriend because they live far away and I want to see how it worked out before “take me a chance”. I know my sister and husband are very very judgemental so how do I break the news? I’m afraid they won’t come and won’t talk to me anymore. I know they will be freaked out about his past and it is using me for my money, but I know the truth is different. Do you have any advice?
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Old 07-21-2018, 05:53 AM
 
Location: Northern California
131,464 posts, read 12,303,706 times
Reputation: 39221
no need to mention his past crimes.
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Old 07-21-2018, 05:53 AM
 
Location: a primitive state
11,419 posts, read 24,545,640 times
Reputation: 17566
Criminal. no
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Old 07-22-2018, 10:40 PM
 
Location: PRC
7,031 posts, read 6,959,509 times
Reputation: 6615
We all attract the same type of people until we learn the lesson - which changes the type of person we meet. Does that make sense?

What type of man are you attracting and what do they all have in common?

If I were you, I would spend a few years working on yourself, getting to know yourself better and then you will be in a place to KNOW what you want. If you become more self-sufficient, you will not be so desperate for the approval of your family and you will be more self-assured, knowing that you can survive without your family if necessary and dont need their blessings on your lifetime partners.

This will attract different men who match your new stronger self.

Good luck.
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Old 07-23-2018, 12:25 AM
 
741 posts, read 593,345 times
Reputation: 3471
Moving in with an old ex, especially one with a criminal past, shouldn’t even be in your vocabulary for a very long, long, long time until you carefully determine if he’s gotten his life in order. Date the old ex for awhile before reintroducing him to your family. Definitely don’t do it before your family vacation. It isn’t the best time to break this kind of news to people. Even if by some miracle everyone agreed to it, the dynamic of the vacation will change because you’re adding a different person into the mix. Since you’ve already issued the beach house invite to your family before your old ex came back into the picture, you should keep that arrangement as is. If your family still likes your recent ex as much as you say and are judgemental about your old ex, that’s unlikely to change in time for this particular vacation. Family members will likely back out if you try to force the boyfriend into the situation. If your relationship with them is as important as you say, don’t alienate them over a boyfriend no matter which one it is. Take your time with this old ex and carefully watch how he conducts his life.
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Old 07-23-2018, 09:06 AM
 
Location: Nantahala National Forest, NC
27,073 posts, read 11,972,160 times
Reputation: 30347
Quote:
Originally Posted by FairMindedLL View Post
Moving in with an old ex, especially one with a criminal past, shouldn’t even be in your vocabulary for a very long, long, long time until you carefully determine if he’s gotten his life in order. Date the old ex for awhile before reintroducing him to your family. Definitely don’t do it before your family vacation. It isn’t the best time to break this kind of news to people. Even if by some miracle everyone agreed to it, the dynamic of the vacation will change because you’re adding a different person into the mix. Since you’ve already issued the beach house invite to your family before your old ex came back into the picture, you should keep that arrangement as is. If your family still likes your recent ex as much as you say and are judgemental about your old ex, that’s unlikely to change in time for this particular vacation. Family members will likely back out if you try to force the boyfriend into the situation. If your relationship with them is as important as you say, don’t alienate them over a boyfriend no matter which one it is. Take your time with this old ex and carefully watch how he conducts his life.
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Old 07-23-2018, 09:14 AM
 
Location: USA
2,746 posts, read 1,364,581 times
Reputation: 1675
Quote:
Originally Posted by FairMindedLL View Post
Moving in with an old ex, especially one with a criminal past, shouldn’t even be in your vocabulary for a very long, long, long time until you carefully determine if he’s gotten his life in order. Date the old ex for awhile before reintroducing him to your family. Definitely don’t do it before your family vacation. It isn’t the best time to break this kind of news to people. Even if by some miracle everyone agreed to it, the dynamic of the vacation will change because you’re adding a different person into the mix. Since you’ve already issued the beach house invite to your family before your old ex came back into the picture, you should keep that arrangement as is. If your family still likes your recent ex as much as you say and are judgemental about your old ex, that’s unlikely to change in time for this particular vacation. Family members will likely back out if you try to force the boyfriend into the situation. If your relationship with them is as important as you say, don’t alienate them over a boyfriend no matter which one it is. Take your time with this old ex and carefully watch how he conducts his life.




Good advice!
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