Gay male dating... why must it be so difficult? (Christian, boyfriend, women)
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Seriously, I'm an average looking dude, and I had little problems meeting women when I tried to.
But it's very difficult with guys. I've been on a dating site for over a year and there's nobody interested in my area. I have high standards about morals and stuff, so I don't want to hook up. But it seems like that's the only way to do things in the gay community. It almost makes me feel like it would be worthwhile to "pretend" to be straight so I could get some companionship.
So what could a traditional minded (mostly) gay guy do?
Straight woman here, but I'd move if I were you. If you move to a place with more gays you'll have more of the meat market stuff but you'll also have more people like yourself. Also you may want to find a gay friendly church if you're Christian--UCC tends to be openly open to gays but there are others less vocal about being affirming, but still open. Please don't pretend to be straight--it tends to end badly. You didn't say your age, but I think older men are less about hookups and more about relationships. Good luck.
Seriously, I'm an average looking dude, and I had little problems meeting women when I tried to.
But it's very difficult with guys. I've been on a dating site for over a year and there's nobody interested in my area. I have high standards about morals and stuff, so I don't want to hook up. But it seems like that's the only way to do things in the gay community. It almost makes me feel like it would be worthwhile to "pretend" to be straight so I could get some companionship.
So what could a traditional minded (mostly) gay guy do?
I'm sorry to hear you're having difficulty, but pretending to be straight isn't the answer.
I think finding Mr. Right is so much harder than finding Mr. Right Now in the gay scene. Believe it or not, there are guys that are looking for relationship and not just a quick sex encounter. You have some good advice about going to a UCC or Epsic. church. That is certainly a better place to look for relationship rather than a gay bar IMHO. You did not indicate if you are in a small town, that may prove difficult. May be time to move to a more metro area.
I'm a gay man who lives in a big city. Dating isn't easy here.
Most young guys are not willing to give up sexual variety for a stable relationship with just one person. They are young, good looking, healthy, sexually demanding, and still working on their education and career. Why would there be that many guys who want a long term relationship?
Significantly older men might want a relationship, though many of them would appreciate a beautiful young guy for sex.
I would call myself interested in a relationship. But how interested am I? That's hard to say. I do enjoy hooking up with attractive guys. I love my freedom and flexibility. I can't date a person that I don't find attractive.
The paradox is that physically and mentally attractive guys are few and are usually partnered or have high expectations. Those only physically attractive have high standards in looks and have little personality wise. Those that are attractive personality wise may not be physically attractive, and don't get much attention.
What gay site have you been on? Maybe its just not working out for you. I think that, If you want to find something more serious, maybe you need to change your approach you know? Most of the guys I was interested in wanted something long term and more serious - which is what I was looking for too. Also, make sure you're not coming on too hard with what you want. I went on a date with a guy who looked like a bird (no seriously it creeped me out) and he began talking about how he wants a traditional relationship, and guys only hook up now and blah blah. Anyways, he spent what felt like forever complaining about his crappy dating life only to then talk about how magical i was, that we could go to disney and live in the castle forever and all this weird stuff. It freaked me out and I never spoke to him again and i had to cut the date short because i was so uncomfortable. Yeah, so im not sure if it's something with your approach but if it is, maybe try saying different things?
If you ask a straight person if he can find a partner he would say the same thing as you say here. But I am not sure if I understand your post , you talk about woman also men, wishing you all the best!
I don't have much to offer. I think dating is rough for the straight set, must be rougher for gays, as gays make up a much less percentage of the general population.
Many gay men do have stable long term relationships.
If you want that, you first have to have gay friends and you first have to know gay men yourself OUTSIDE of hook ups and trashy dates. How can you be in love with someone from an internet profile when you don't know them in real life?
No one is going to commit to someone that they do not KNOW! And that they do not LOVE.
Stepka had a lot of good advice. And though this won't directly lead to a boyfriend, you might focus on things you do like for fun or even professionally. Don't get bogged down in lame BS.
Do keep in mind many gays even in big cities don't spend all or most of their time in the so called gay scene.
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