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Old 08-22-2014, 11:25 AM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
8,920 posts, read 7,692,289 times
Reputation: 16655

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011 View Post
This is a good point. I think the internet has contributed to this, because now you have access to (too much) information about other people. Some are too busy reading about others online and not going out to live their own lives and create their own experiences. They read articles, blogs, and also may not think or read critically, take opinions as fact or Truth, rather than experiencing it for themselves.

As cpg said, relationships are not an entity exterior to you. They are a state of being influenced by the two people in that relationship, and no two relationships will be the same. There is no cookie cutter mold and steps/rules to follow for how they should work. How they work is based on the investment the two in the relationship are willing to make to each other.

The divorce rate shouldn't bother you, and neither should other people's divorces. You don't know what goes on behind closed doors. If you do happen to know what caused the demise of the relationship, the takeaway shouldn't be fear of other people's relationship choices, but not to make similar mistakes in your own relationships.
I agree. That is what I try to do, when I hear or witness other people's mistakes....I take it away as a lesson.

I think observation is just as potent as experience. Both can help you. You are especially right with people using the internet as the source of all information on people. They can become so negative and pessimistic that they lose their desire to want to get to know knew people. They them all through a negative glass.

While I will admit it can be difficult to stay optimistic and open minded when you see such negativity in one area, or have people in your ear trying to tell you this and that, it is important to remain that way. It's not wise to close yourself off to everyone in the world.
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Old 08-22-2014, 11:27 AM
 
3,667 posts, read 6,560,260 times
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I figured my wife would change, would continue to grow into new roles and responsibilities and I just assumed I'd discover newer reasons to love and respect her; so far, so good.

If you marry someone for what they are in the moment you're probably doomed any way. You should really focus on the characteristics and traits that make them into who they are, that rarely changes very much over time (e.g. resiliency, sense of humor, optimism, etc.).
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Old 08-22-2014, 11:31 AM
 
324 posts, read 293,843 times
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I'm the child of the generation who first admitted they were miserable in their marriage and didn't have to endure until their last day. So I've no rose tinted glasses and know very well how it ends.

My mother had a small car accident on the way to the church on her wedding day. Now she says it was sign she shoud have called it off LOL.
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Old 08-22-2014, 11:44 AM
 
8,076 posts, read 10,035,259 times
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I was naive.....and she was a real schemer--obviously knowing that she was taking the marriage into divorce and consciously taking steps to ensure that she benefited in any and every way possible. Her planning was meticulous and overlooked nary a detail.

No, I didn't think it would end in divorce; in fact I tried so hard to ensure that it didn't end up that way.

Sure, there were plenty of signals and signs, and i saw them, but didn't equate them with divorce.

In the end, she had done everything possible to undermine the marriage, was overtaken by narcissism and greed, and those things were so far off the radar screen as to be unimaginable (to naive me).

I was played as the nice guy (and the fool). AND I paid for her law school education!
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Old 08-22-2014, 01:08 PM
 
3,667 posts, read 6,560,260 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TitanWarrior View Post
I'm the child of the generation who first admitted they were miserable in their marriage and didn't have to endure until their last day. So I've no rose tinted glasses and know very well how it ends.

My mother had a small car accident on the way to the church on her wedding day. Now she says it was sign she shoud have called it off LOL.
It rained on our wedding day. Some said it was a sign of bad luck but I figured that it was representative of our life together; nothing has ever come truly easy for my wife and I and so we needed to learn how to laugh at the rain.
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Old 08-22-2014, 01:18 PM
 
324 posts, read 293,843 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NYC2RDU View Post
It rained on our wedding day. Some said it was a sign of bad luck but I figured that it was representative of our life together; nothing has ever come truly easy for my wife and I and so we needed to learn how to laugh at the rain.
Well in her case it must have been a sign. She finally got rid of that 33 year old hell a few months ago.
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Old 08-22-2014, 02:30 PM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,126 posts, read 10,088,952 times
Reputation: 11796
I never thought I would be divorced, but looking back I probably should have known better. I had some reservations for sure, but I talked myself through them. I made that oh so very foolish mistake in my way of thinking - I thought when we get married he will take this relationship seriously and he'll be more committed. Nope. I was young and I was naive. I didn't have a lot of relationship experience. About 2 weeks after we got married we had a huge fight and I think I knew for sure then it was a mistake. Limped along for another year or so after that. I think if I were to get married again I would choose more wisely and I would definitely listen to my gut more!
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Old 08-22-2014, 02:55 PM
 
8,781 posts, read 9,427,520 times
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I have yet to be divorced so I cannot fully answer the question in that respect, but I feel like the person I am with gets better (in all respects) the longer I am with them and I have no reason to think otherwise on her end.

My relationship has turned out better than I expected from it in the beginning.

I am either blind, deaf, dumb or extremely blessed depending on which subset of people that information gets related too
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Old 08-22-2014, 03:34 PM
 
1,226 posts, read 1,446,160 times
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I believed my husband when he told me, for him, marriage is forever. When I told that to my sister, she was like - then why is he divorced? LOL.

Plus, 2 months after we married, he wants to divorce me. Coz he was afraid I was gonna get pregnant.

So now, I'm just with him. If he wants a divorce, he will get it. If he FINALLY makes up his mind.

Having said that, we are okay, for now...

Our marriage lasting ALL depends to his mood swing and me putting up with it.

In short, I won't be surprised if we divorce.
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Old 08-24-2014, 12:59 PM
 
1,324 posts, read 2,009,084 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
I never in a million years thought I get divorced. But I already felt during the honeymoon that things are not as good as I thought. I stuck it out another 6 years because I had hopes that if I just keep trying, he might turn into the person I thought he is.
Then I had to make a decision to stay with him just to not be part of the FAILING MARRIAGE group or if I want to become happy and suck up the embarrassement and start all over again.
yes, me too. in the end, when you accept how disfunctional and unhappy you are in your marraige, is all about whether you could find someone who can make you happier, or even be happier being single again (and divorced). and in my case, i also said that if i truly loved her, i would love her enough to let her go and find her someone else who could make her happier than i, pretty much my last act of love for her. good luck to all others in their quest for marital bliss.

Last edited by Dr. Clean; 08-24-2014 at 01:25 PM..
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