Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Quick Overview: I'm 32, fresh out of my residency and I live in San Diego with my wife of 16 months. She's 24, and contrary to everyone's belief, no I did not go out and diligently search for a trophy wife to show off as a status symbol. We met and we started dating, simple. Again, she's not a glorified Barbie doll, we have similar interests. We had all this negativity about us ever since the beginning " Oh, if she wasn't a beautiful blonde, you wouldn't be with her" and " Look at her, trying to dig her way to being a doctor's wife". I have no problem dating women my age, I wouldn't be afraid of dating someone 35, I'm not Donald Trump.
We dated a year, then married, almost immediately, " stuff" began hitting the fan. She's changed a lot. Me personally, I hate spending money, I hate splurging, pulling $5 is like pulling teeth. I still drive the car I got in high school. I have no desire to buy huge cars or houses. She was like that too. She used to call plain nachos and Bud Light " a good dinner". Now she wants $20 salads and high end wine. She used to shop with me at Wal-Mart( I still shop there). Now she only wants name brand stuff. We've done counseling, a lot, we'll get help, things will go well for a week, then we'll relapse and fight for a week straight. The fights are awful. It's always materialistic, I get called cheap, then I call her pampered or spoiled. We do have good days. She won't divorce me because of the lifestyle I provide, I haven't " pulled the trigger" on a divorce because I have no time or energy for that divorce process.
Quick Overview: I'm 32, fresh out of my residency and I live in San Diego with my wife of 16 months. She's 24, and contrary to everyone's belief, no I did not go out and diligently search for a trophy wife to show off as a status symbol. We met and we started dating, simple. Again, she's not a glorified Barbie doll, we have similar interests. We had all this negativity about us ever since the beginning " Oh, if she wasn't a beautiful blonde, you wouldn't be with her" and " Look at her, trying to dig her way to being a doctor's wife". I have no problem dating women my age, I wouldn't be afraid of dating someone 35, I'm not Donald Trump.
We dated a year, then married, almost immediately, " stuff" began hitting the fan. She's changed a lot. Me personally, I hate spending money, I hate splurging, pulling $5 is like pulling teeth. I still drive the car I got in high school. I have no desire to buy huge cars or houses. She was like that too. She used to call plain nachos and Bud Light " a good dinner". Now she wants $20 salads and high end wine. She used to shop with me at Wal-Mart( I still shop there). Now she only wants name brand stuff. We've done counseling, a lot, we'll get help, things will go well for a week, then we'll relapse and fight for a week straight. The fights are awful. It's always materialistic, I get called cheap, then I call her pampered or spoiled. We do have good days. She won't divorce me because of the lifestyle I provide, I haven't " pulled the trigger" on a divorce because I have no time or energy for that divorce process.
She does work at a boutique
Sorry this happened, OP. It seems like you've done everything you could do. It sounds like maybe she pulled a bait-and-switch. It's hard to believe there are people like that out there, but I'm sure some of our male posters will assure me that there are women who do this.
You shouldn't be name-calling each other. (Though I'm sure this issue, and communication skills while arguing, was covered in your counseling.) Just tell her you can't afford luxuries, while saving for retirement, etc. Though you've probably already done that.
You two don't share the same values. You don't have the same spending habits. This is one of the prime reasons for divorce. You're there. Time to bite the bullet and get a lawyer. Get a good one.
There are women out there who will love you for you. The sooner you get out of this train wreck, the sooner you can set about finding someone more compatible. Be sure to use birth control, so she can't pretend her bc failed, and surprise you with an "oops" pregnancy.
sounds like you need to sit her down and calmly explain that you two as a couple need to set a budget and stick to it. but you both need to give and take in this budget. for instance, you take her out once a week to a really nice restaurant and splurge on a meal, but the rest of the week she has to reign in her tastes for the high life. you two can also set up an account to where you both would contribute equally for the purchase of a house in a better neighborhood, etc. early marriages are generally tight on money, and that is most of what people fight about. so get the budget in order, and gett he discipline to stick with it, and the fights should go away.
If somebody changes the rules on you, there isn't much you can do. If she concealed some pretty significant incompatibilities, she can't be too surprised when you pull the plug on it.
If somebody changes the rules on you, there isn't much you can do. If she concealed some pretty significant incompatibilities, she can't be too surprised when you pull the plug on it.
I guess I should consider myself somewhat lucky that she DOES wanna work. Most women in her position would pull a Peggy Bundy and chill on the couch forever. It's not that money is tight, I'm not trying to brag, but I have "champagne money and soda taste", she wants champagne. Recently, I've been sucking it up, and even when she's angry at me, I'll step back and say " you know you look really gorgeous today, I'm so glad we're together" I'm not being sarcastic, I mean every word of that. My partners in my group, I think their wives, without knowing it, get in her head. Like I said, I penny pinch and I'm not a fan of traveling so when she tells me " we need to go to Florence, Dr. ABC and his wife did" and I say no, ding ding, the bell rings and the fight starts
Quick Overview: I'm 32, fresh out of my residency and I live in San Diego with my wife of 16 months. She's 24, and contrary to everyone's belief, no I did not go out and diligently search for a trophy wife to show off as a status symbol. We met and we started dating, simple. Again, she's not a glorified Barbie doll, we have similar interests. We had all this negativity about us ever since the beginning " Oh, if she wasn't a beautiful blonde, you wouldn't be with her" and " Look at her, trying to dig her way to being a doctor's wife". I have no problem dating women my age, I wouldn't be afraid of dating someone 35, I'm not Donald Trump.
We dated a year, then married, almost immediately, " stuff" began hitting the fan. She's changed a lot. Me personally, I hate spending money, I hate splurging, pulling $5 is like pulling teeth. I still drive the car I got in high school. I have no desire to buy huge cars or houses. She was like that too. She used to call plain nachos and Bud Light " a good dinner". Now she wants $20 salads and high end wine. She used to shop with me at Wal-Mart( I still shop there). Now she only wants name brand stuff. We've done counseling, a lot, we'll get help, things will go well for a week, then we'll relapse and fight for a week straight. The fights are awful. It's always materialistic, I get called cheap, then I call her pampered or spoiled. We do have good days. She won't divorce me because of the lifestyle I provide, I haven't " pulled the trigger" on a divorce because I have no time or energy for that divorce process.
She does work at a boutique
You have not indicated if you love her at all.
To me, this is not really a problem about $$ and how each of you views it. It's more of an honesty, respect and trust issue, and if you cannot get that straight with "a lot" of counseling, then you should divorce NOW before you have kids.
I'm reading the OP like he's a doctor or something?
If that's the case, unless you are paying down your student loans, you're probably making a lot of money right now, and she wants to spend it.
Yes, there are a lot of women out there who will pull this bait and switch routine on men. Unfortunately you ran into one of those women, and if you choose divorce, which seems like the obvious road you're headed down, get a good lawyer and divorce before she gets prego.
I'm all for creating a budget, maybe you should sit her down and try to work some kind of budget out instead of out-right refusing to spend any money for anything?
To me, this is not really a problem about $$ and how each of you views it. It's more of an honesty, respect and trust issue, and if you cannot get that straight with "a lot" of counseling, then you should divorce NOW before you have kids.
I love the old her, don't take this as " Oh, he hates her" I don't, right now I like her, but I loved who she was before we were married, that's the woman I fell in love with
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
