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It was far from perfect. Us being on and off. We may be 'on' again in a few days? Who knows? She was a girl I connected with on a certain level. She actually did not make me feel 'invisible' like I once felt living here.
"The Bad" was that I had STRONG reservations about her for many reasons:
-She cheated on her last ex with me. BIG one.
-She appeared to be needy/controlling in many ways.
-She resorts to name calling in arguments.
-She was hypersensitive. I would have dinner with her some times and she said she "felt" I wasn't interested about her work conversations or something like that.
-Her use of antidepressants. Not bad in itself, but the next one adds to it
-Her need to drink when we are always out.
-She rarely if ever pays for anything. If I asked her to leave a tip or let's split in rare instances , it's a problem.
The last icing on the cake was just less than three weeks ago when she attacked me while drunk. She wanted me to take her home and she was really hot for me. Wanted to rip my clothes off. Things turned sour and she said I just wanted her for sex and didn't love her. There was some deep seeded resentment there. She has also cried more than once during or after sex during our "off" times.
MY BAD:
-I initially was not "that" into her. I had reservations about her as I mentioned. I was not that strongly attracted to her. I think she's cute but not my typical type. Why I spent close to 8-9 months on and off with her I don't know why.
-My retaliation to her swearing or getting upset would get ugly. I get hyper defensive and have said hurtful things to her. I have called her a weak person, talked about her cheating, whiny, etc. I have never done this to anyone else.
-I may have been aloof. I cannot force feelings.
So I know things on my end I ****ed up. Just last week she was crying on the phone about how much she wanted me to love her. This night I don't hear from her, I test her to genuinely ask if she's OK and she gets mad at me.
One thing I don't know is considering we work in the same environment why she won't give me my items back...my sheets which I let her borrow after her ex took his from their place.
That's besides the point. Ultimately I know we are not the most compatible, but dang we did have some good times and that bond during those good times is irreplaceable. I have told her more than once I would take a bullet for her. I feel bad for failing her, but I also feel bad that bond is lost.
Why and I feeling so ****ty knowing damn well we were rough around the edges? I am talking to other girls now BTW. It's not like I can't find someone else. Sorry for the rant.
Sounds like this was a practice relationship for you. There were things you didn't like about her from the beginning, but you were lonely and you decided to just go for it. She's probably keeping your sheets because she feels like she earned them.
At least you figured out that you didn't want to be with her before you married her or impregnated her. That's a big plus. You also have some insight into what kind of person you're looking for. You also know what kind of person you can turn into with the wrong person, and that's a useful lesson to learn.
Let her keep the sheets. Don't text her anymore. And just for the record, sometimes women cry during or after sex and it's not because they're unhappy with their partner or the sexual experience. Sometimes it's just a release of emotional tension following another good release of tension.
I was lonely from feeling displaced from over a year. She has said more than once that my ex somehow took my capability to love or allow someone in my life. I stay busy and did not allow anyone else in for some time. I was angry, but she saw through that.
Yes, maybe it was practice, but she's still another person I care about. I guess that's sucks lol. I asked her for my things back out of principle I guess. I don't *care* about the necessarily, but I don't want another man sleeping on them I won't lie lol.
She cried during sex because she missed me and she was angry at me but loved me. I know she wasn't dissatisfied with the sexual experience. I had sex with her two weeks ago and it was probably one of our more intense sessions crazy enough. That has never been an issue.
I'm glad I didn't marry or get her pregnant. I was afraid that she was going to trap me by getting pregnant. She alluded to my last ex who I got pregnant accidentally and said "maybe then you will love me". I think I did avoid a lot of headache in my life though.
It was far from perfect. Us being on and off. We may be 'on' again in a few days? Who knows? She was a girl I connected with on a certain level. She actually did not make me feel 'invisible' like I once felt living here.
"The Bad" was that I had STRONG reservations about her for many reasons:
-She cheated on her last ex with me. BIG one.
-She appeared to be needy/controlling in many ways.
-She resorts to name calling in arguments.
-She was hypersensitive. I would have dinner with her some times and she said she "felt" I wasn't interested about her work conversations or something like that.
-Her use of antidepressants. Not bad in itself, but the next one adds to it
-Her need to drink when we are always out.
-She rarely if ever pays for anything. If I asked her to leave a tip or let's split in rare instances , it's a problem.
The last icing on the cake was just less than three weeks ago when she attacked me while drunk. She wanted me to take her home and she was really hot for me. Wanted to rip my clothes off. Things turned sour and she said I just wanted her for sex and didn't love her. There was some deep seeded resentment there. She has also cried more than once during or after sex during our "off" times.
MY BAD:
-I initially was not "that" into her. I had reservations about her as I mentioned. I was not that strongly attracted to her. I think she's cute but not my typical type. Why I spent close to 8-9 months on and off with her I don't know why.
-My retaliation to her swearing or getting upset would get ugly. I get hyper defensive and have said hurtful things to her. I have called her a weak person, talked about her cheating, whiny, etc. I have never done this to anyone else.
-I may have been aloof. I cannot force feelings.
So I know things on my end I ****ed up. Just last week she was crying on the phone about how much she wanted me to love her. This night I don't hear from her, I test her to genuinely ask if she's OK and she gets mad at me.
One thing I don't know is considering we work in the same environment why she won't give me my items back...my sheets which I let her borrow after her ex took his from their place.
That's besides the point. Ultimately I know we are not the most compatible, but dang we did have some good times and that bond during those good times is irreplaceable. I have told her more than once I would take a bullet for her. I feel bad for failing her, but I also feel bad that bond is lost.
Why and I feeling so ****ty knowing damn well we were rough around the edges? I am talking to other girls now BTW. It's not like I can't find someone else. Sorry for the rant.
You describe her as a night of drinking.
You didn't really want to go out.
You got wasted and danced and it was fun.
Got arrested for stupid stuff & should have learned your lesson
The relationship as described is toxic. She brings out negative in you, and quite honestly as you have described her, there are a lot of negatives she is projecting out onto what you have with her. The statement about maybe you'd love her if she were knocked up... It is not a healthy view point.
You need to remain as no contact. Find a way to let her go, and continue to work on yourself.
You need to remain as no contact. Find a way to let her go, and continue to work on yourself.
I agree with this--I can't tell you how many people I know who got pregnant after a break-up with that same person. One of those couples has been married for 24 years now but they've never been happy. I guess they stay together b/c they own a successful business together.
Got arrested for stupid stuff & should have learned your lesson
Killer hangover
Bail money
However, you say, "We all had great times!"
Ha yeah good point. I like the analogy. I was a bit lonely in the middle of the night when I wrote this. I feel level headed now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dragon_fly_12
The relationship as described is toxic. She brings out negative in you, and quite honestly as you have described her, there are a lot of negatives she is projecting out onto what you have with her. The statement about maybe you'd love her if she were knocked up... It is not a healthy view point.
You need to remain as no contact. Find a way to let her go, and continue to work on yourself.
Yes she said she loves me and the man I am. She just hates that we are the way we are together. She cried about that. Makes sense.
And despite her flaws I think she's a beautiful person. I need to face reality though in my mind that she is ultimately NOT what I was intended to be and as you said, there is a lot of toxicity there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka
I agree with this--I can't tell you how many people I know who got pregnant after a break-up with that same person. One of those couples has been married for 24 years now but they've never been happy. I guess they stay together b/c they own a successful business together.
Ha yeah good point. I like the analogy. I was a bit lonely in the middle of the night when I wrote this. I feel level headed now.
Yes she said she loves me and the man I am. She just hates that we are the way we are together. She cried about that. Makes sense.
And despite her flaws I think she's a beautiful person. I need to face reality though in my mind that she is ultimately NOT what I was intended to be and as you said, there is a lot of toxicity there.
Oh lord lol. I don't want that to happen.
A little love to a good band called Blue October "Been Down"
Why can't we work when we both try
Try, try, we we we try
I meant to sympathize I meant to be a friend
I know apologizing wont erase the end
But I learn that moving on, is where I must begin
Because when our colors mixed
We couldn't fix the way they wouldn't blend
A little love to a good band called Blue October "Been Down"
Why can't we work when we both try
Try, try, we we we try
I meant to sympathize I meant to be a friend
I know apologizing wont erase the end
But I learn that moving on, is where I must begin
Because when our colors mixed
We couldn't fix the way they wouldn't blend
Well...that happens. Makes sense when put into song.
It does hurt a bit but I think moving on will be easier for me.
I need to find someone more compatible, but I feel a bit bad about my past relationship.
I read the thread. I do have a few things to say first.
I could see that you are indecisive as a person, which is not a good sign, I am not sure how true it is but if is then you must work on that first.
Also I am not sure how you are as a person, I mean what kind?
ok, whatever type you are you must know what you want for yourself, you must know what you want in a relationship, and more importantly you should know exactly what you want from the other person in a relationship. You should have some standards at least for the type of person you want, it's up to you if you want your standards to be high or not but it is important, it helps you define the kind of person you want for the relationship you are looking forward to. Hence make sure you get the kind of person you want and never settle for less than what you deserve, believe in yourself, know what you want.
Of course there is nothing wrong in compromising, but I would suggest only compromise a little, if you compromise too much on compatibility and standards then you will be compromising on your happiness as a whole and especially in the long term you will become unhappy, you wouldn't want that , would you?
Hence don't look at the only the present, think about your long-term happiness that you will get if you are to go for a relationship. Being in relationships are not easy, it takes effort to maintain but the task becomes a lot easier if there is high compatibility and also if the person is of the exact type you want.
Make sure you get the basics right, the starting point should be correct and then you can expect other things to fall in place.
I understand you are feeling bad about your past relationship, but now that you have had a relationship, you must now start understanding yourself, introspect and make yourself ready for being in one. Don't rush into another one too soon, take your time. Now that you have an experience, use that learning to make the next one much better than the first, or if you can the best one.
Finally,
if I have to suggest, I would suggest if you can go for a person who gives you high compatibilty and also if that person matches your high criteria/standards that you have then such a combination can do wonders but then you must also keep in mind that you may not find that person easily, it can even take a long time to find such a person, hence you must be patient for that. It's up to you really to decide what you want to go for.
That's the best suggestion I can give. It's up to you anyway. You have to see, how much it applies to you in your life and then decide what's best for you.
Good luck
Last edited by SF; 08-23-2014 at 10:53 AM..
Reason: Corrections were needed
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I need to find someone more compatible, but I feel a bit bad about my past relationship.
