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I need some help getting over a breakup. The relationship was long distance since we met on OKC, he lives 2 hours away. I am 21 and in college and he is the same age.
We met at the beginning on June and quickly decided to go on a date, about a week later he came to see me again and we officially started dating, he made it FB official and that was that. He'd come to see me about once a week and would always stay over. I lost my virginity to him 3 weeks after meeting.
It felt like we were moving very quickly but at the same time it felt comfortable and safe. He started talking about the future and going to grad school together, moving in together etc. He also told me he loved me on my birthday, 3 weeks ago.
About a week ago he started bringing up conversations about our sex life and wanting to experiment more because he missed the thrill of the chase of being single. He told me he loved me and that there's no one else he'd rather date than me and that he didn't want to lose me. But I started feeling like he'd never be completely happy with me. On Sunday while having a conversation about this again he told me he didn't think he'd ever be completely happy in general and that he questioned monogamous relationships or something. I told him I didn't want to have that conversation and we stopped talking for the rest of the day.
I had some friends over that night and got very drunk and texted him. He said he realized he'd ever be happy in a relationship, with anyone, not even me. That I was the best relationship he's ever had but that I deserved better. I called him an idiot and countless other insults. Later that night I texted again saying I loved him and he said he didn't know how he felt about me, but that he knew he liked me in some way. He said he felt an immense amount of respect and affection and some form of love, and that he thinks he still feels it, but it's more platonic than romantic. At that point I blocked him on every social media possible and erased the conversation. We talked Monday and he said he wanted to be friends, but only if I wanted to, and that he still wanted me in his life, but again, only if I wanted to. I told him I wasn't ready to be friends and I was hurt he lied. He just told me that it was fine, and to let him know if I ever wanted to get back in touch. I told him he didn't care and he said he did, and that he missed me, but he really felt he should be single right now.
Tuesday we talked again, I told him I missed him and he said he missed me too. I asked if he'd ever reconsider the breakup and he said maybe, but not for a while. That he really wanted to focus on doing single people things. That he liked me as a person and enjoyed dating me so if down the road we wound up in a situation where we both wanted it he probably would, but that who know where we'll end up so I shouldn't hold my breath. That last part really hurt. I just made small talk and wished him luck.
He later texted me asking if I could mail his charger after he told me he didn't want it. I ignored the text and we haven't spoken since.
I just don't get how he could go from saying he loves me, to liking me, to platonic love, to liking me as a person.
I've depression and I think I'm relapsing and I really don't know what to do with myself. I know it was only 2 months, but we moved quickly and it felt like it was longer. Any advice?
When I was 16 I started dating a girl who had just broken up with her bf for me. Her specific words were, "best way to get over one guy should be to get under a new on."
The relationship was long distance since we met on OKC,
he lives 2 hours away. I am 21 and in college and he is the same age.
We met at the beginning on June and quickly decided to go on a date, about a week later he came to see me again and we officially started dating, he made it FB official and that was that. He'd come to see me about once a week and would always stay over. I lost my virginity to him 3 weeks after meeting.
It felt like we were moving very quickly but at the same time it felt comfortable and safe. He started talking about the future and going to grad school together, moving in together etc. He also told me he loved me on my birthday, 3 weeks ago.
About a week ago he started bringing up conversations about our sex life and wanting to experiment more because he missed the thrill of the chase of being single. He told me he loved me and that there's no one else he'd rather date than me and that he didn't want to lose me. But I started feeling like he'd never be completely happy with me. On Sunday while having a conversation about this again he told me he didn't think he'd ever be completely happy in general and that he questioned monogamous relationships or something. I told him I didn't want to have that conversation and we stopped talking for the rest of the day.
I had some friends over that night and got very drunk and texted him. He said he realized he'd ever be happy in a relationship, with anyone, not even me. That I was the best relationship he's ever had but that I deserved better. I called him an idiot and countless other insults. Later that night I texted again saying I loved him and he said he didn't know how he felt about me, but that he knew he liked me in some way. He said he felt an immense amount of respect and affection and some form of love, and that he thinks he still feels it, but it's more platonic than romantic. At that point I blocked him on every social media possible and erased the conversation. We talked Monday and he said he wanted to be friends, but only if I wanted to, and that he still wanted me in his life, but again, only if I wanted to. I told him I wasn't ready to be friends and I was hurt he lied. He just told me that it was fine, and to let him know if I ever wanted to get back in touch. I told him he didn't care and he said he did, and that he missed me, but he really felt he should be single right now.
Tuesday we talked again, I told him I missed him and he said he missed me too. I asked if he'd ever reconsider the breakup and he said maybe, but not for a while. That he really wanted to focus on doing single people things. That he liked me as a person and enjoyed dating me so if down the road we wound up in a situation where we both wanted it he probably would, but that who know where we'll end up so I shouldn't hold my breath. That last part really hurt. I just made small talk and wished him luck.
He later texted me asking if I could mail his charger after he told me he didn't want it. I ignored the text and we haven't spoken since.
I just don't get how he could go from saying he loves me, to liking me, to platonic love, to liking me as a person.
I've depression and I think I'm relapsing and I really don't know what to do with myself. I know it was only 2 months, but we moved quickly and it felt like it was longer. Any advice?
Don't get involve with people sexually till you know the person better. Take that lesson form this point. And of course I am sure it hurts but for that nothing can done after everything happen.
Don't communicate with people when you DRUNK you got not clue what you say either what you hear. Don't look for option or solution while you drunk. Just enjoy the colorful drunk dreams that is it. When some one say how he feels calling them idiot and insult them is not the right thing. Sit and talk and see how you both can find a way out. If he has questions about monogamous that is for sure he is willing for a open relationship where both got their freedom.Learn from what happen use your brain more when you date again. Yes I know it is hard. It also possible he just used you for sex. That happens everywhere. People talk so sweet till they get what they want some people do many years. Be strong.
Yeah, just stop talking to him. Delete his contact information. Luckily, one of the benefits of being long-distance is that you're not going to have to run into him anywhere. This relationship was a summer fling, and will just be a blip on your radar.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 08-29-2014 at 11:30 AM..
Mail him his charger so he doesn't have an excuse to keep contacting you.
The new semester is here. Way too many guys around for you to waste a lot of time one someone you barely know. As others have said, you've seen him what, 8 times?
My guess is in a few weeks you'll be smacking your head and wondering why you put so much thought into this guy.
It doesn't matter; shiiii!t happens. People change. Life changes. You have to get used to it..
Whenever I want to forget about a guy (usually because I realized he was a tool), I get myself out to meet OTHER ONES. Not talking about f'ng them here but just getting out to mingle with new guys, flirt, etc.. does a word of difference in reminding you that there are PLENTY of people out there that you could connect with. Not just one. Especially if he was an a$$ and unworthy of you to begin with. Move it on, girl. Go throw on some lipstick and take yourself to a movie.
You'll learn as you get older that you can't put all of your eggs in one basket anymore either. NEVER ALLOW ONE PERSON TO BECOME YOUR WORLD AGAIN... if you do, you're doomed.
I need some help getting over a breakup. The relationship was long distance since we met on OKC, he lives 2 hours away. I am 21 and in college and he is the same age.
We met at the beginning on June and quickly decided to go on a date, about a week later he came to see me again and we officially started dating, he made it FB official and that was that. He'd come to see me about once a week and would always stay over. I lost my virginity to him 3 weeks after meeting.
It felt like we were moving very quickly but at the same time it felt comfortable and safe. He started talking about the future and going to grad school together, moving in together etc. He also told me he loved me on my birthday, 3 weeks ago.
This moved way too quickly. I'm sorry that you had to learn this the hard way but such a quick attachment should have set off alarm bells but you are obviously inexperienced so all you can do is learn from this.
It was written by a psychologist and while it mostly details dangerous and toxic relationships, it also mentions a warning sign about "Quick attachment and expression":
"2. Quick Attachment and Expression “The Loser” has very shallow emotions and connections with others. One of the things that might attract you to “The Loser” is how quickly he or she says “I Love You” or wants to marry or commit to you. Typically, in less than a few weeks of dating you’ll hear that you’re the love of their life, they want to be with you forever, and they want to marry you. You’ll receive gifts, a variety of promises, and be showered with their attention and nice gestures. This is the “honeymoon phase” – where they catch you and convince you that they are the best thing that ever happened to you. Remember the business saying “If it’s too good to be true it probably is (too good to be true)!” You may be so overwhelmed by this display of instant attraction, instant commitment, and instant planning for the future that you’ll miss the major point – it doesn’t make sense!! Normal, healthy individuals require a long process to develop a relationship because there is so much at stake. Healthy individuals will wait for a lot of information before offering a commitment – not three weeks. It’s true that we can become infatuated with others quickly – but not make such unrealistic promises and have the future planned after three dates. The rapid warm-up is always a sign of shallow emotions which later cause “The Loser” to detach from you as quickly as they committed. “The Loser” typically wants to move in with you or marry you in less than four weeks or very early in the relationship."
Sound familiar?
Quote:
I just don't get how he could go from saying he loves me, to liking me, to platonic love, to liking me as a person.
Because his emotions of love were never genuine. I'm sorry if that hurts more but understanding this is the only way you're learn to avoid it in the future. I don't know whether he was intentionally deceiving you or where he's just one of those people who convinces himself he's madly in love when really, he's just overcompensating for shallow emotions. Given what he said about realizing he'd never be happy in any relationship suggests that he deep down knows his emotions are too shallow to ever really, genuinely love someone, anyone.
I'm sorry you're hurting and it will take time to move passed that hurt but when you do, you'll be all the wiser for it.
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