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I am curious as to why people stay in relationships that they don't deserve. I know that you can't be picky but I feel like people settle and then they end up single. In my circle of friends, I've predicted every breakup. My dad (who is unhappily married) won't leave my mom because "they've been through a lot together".
I won't post links to them (I don't want the OP to feel as if I'm picking on them), but there have been several of the "My bf is a jerk/abusive and I'm pregnant". I'm wondering why they stay in these bad relationships, let alone are having sex with someone that they know is a less than ideal partner and father. It just doesn't make sense to me.
It applies to men, too! The "My gf always expects me to _______" or the "My gf only cares about herself" threads are out there.
Sometimes there is not a clear way out of the situation. People will say " just leave" but unless you have been through it and can say a plan that would work, its not that easy. Sadly, you cant just walk out the door and not look back sometimes.
according to many folks here, there is a *stigma* cast upon single people
therefore people (specifically women) will rather stay in a bad or a fake "relationship" than to be in none at all
and as far as kids, they eventually grow up and understand how relationships work or not work, so any *damage* allegedly done to children because of divorsed parents or whatever..they get over
Mutual belief in the commitment of marriage
Mutual belief in raising children in a two parent home
Mutual hopes that they will work out their problems or that marriages go through ups and downs and this is a very long down
Mutual desire to do the right thing
Two incomes preserve or grow family wealth better than a single income
Not saying any of these are good in the long run but some people really believe them.
Sometimes:
Finances
Day to day needs fulfilled better by being together
The hassle of day to day life is sometimes too much so being together is easier
Someone needs a spouse, any spouse
Just need somebody adult around
Letting go can be hard on some people
These are to a lower order than the belief systems above but they can be every bit as valid
There are as many reasons that people stay together as there are people.
Sometimes sex is great. But it cloud judgement, and they justify their partner's behavior, and think that good sex means love.
It's better than being alone for them. Like the song "I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all." So, for some, even if the relationship is bad, being single and nobody wanting them is worse. Least the bad partner accepts and puts up with them.
Also, sometimes people delude themselves. They have been together, for however long they consider to be long, and feel that leaving would mean the entire relationship was meaningless. Like how a losing side in a war still doesn't surrender, because it makes their comrade's deaths all moot, if they were just gonna roll over and quit, when just giving in before the war could've stopped any death. So they keep fighting, which makes it worse, because even more people get killed.
So, some just don't know when it's time to quit, and they end up worse because things start to get worse, then they have wasted many good years of life with someone who was no good for them, when they could have been single and dating better people-or at least not had to devote so much time and energy into a toxic partner.
And sometimes, it's because of money or children.
Last edited by HappyRain; 08-23-2014 at 08:28 AM..
according to many folks here, there is a *stigma* cast upon single people
therefore people (specifically women) will rather stay in a bad or a fake "relationship" than to be in none at all
and as far as kids, they eventually grow up and understand how relationships work or not work, so any *damage* allegedly done to children because of divorsed parents or whatever..they get over
Some people view relationships as an accomplishment. Maybe they don't have a lot else going on in their lives, but at least they can say that they're with someone.
Many people have never seen a healthy relationship. They think their bad relationship is as good as it gets.
This includes, for example, people with alcoholic or abusive parents who grow up and have alcoholic or abusive friends, dates, and partners.
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