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Old 08-28-2014, 11:49 AM
 
Location: SoCal again
20,683 posts, read 19,810,445 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zeurch View Post
So is that the chemistry?

They think it is, but it's one sided and even when the women roll their eyes, they keep insisting and say "come on, I know you feel IT, too!". How can they NOT understand the signs if people roll eyes or walk off? It's like they WANT to be rejected or the 1% chance of getting laid is good enough.
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Old 08-28-2014, 11:52 AM
 
2,826 posts, read 2,354,269 times
Reputation: 1011
Quote:
Originally Posted by steen324 View Post
Can chemistry be felt by only one person? I started seeing a guy a few months ago and halfway through our first date I knew that I liked him. I was instantly drawn in. When he leaned in to kiss me I felt like an electric rush. I've never experienced what that's like before, to actually desire somebody. We dated a few weeks but he eventually broke it off and I'm just confused because I really thought we had that "spark". We got intimate every time we hung out so I know there was something sexual between us. Am I confusing attraction with chemistry? He told me he didn't feel as strongly about me as I did about him.
The "spark" isn't everything.

For a relationship to work, you need at least three things:

Passion (Spark)

Commitment (As in, when he has an actual problem, are you there to help? Or are you just there for sex)

Compatibility (Interests are one level of compatibility, but another is problem management as in, does he react to situations the same way that you do? Do you pout while he sits there and doesn't react. Stuff like that)

Now, the compatibility may be shaky, or you might have a casual or open relationship. But ultimately, on some level, you need at least something in common, and you need to be there for each other. And you both need to be interested. If you're thinking that electrical feeling is all there is to a romance, you're missing some stuff.
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Old 08-28-2014, 12:11 PM
 
25 posts, read 45,534 times
Reputation: 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl View Post
You might have slept with him too soon. Sex bonds women to men but does not work the opposite way. Many men, despite what they may say, lose interest in girls that give it up too easy and don't present any challenge. Men tend to value what they have to earn, especially if they are the type of guy who gets women easily. I had to learn this the hard way after decades of making the same mistakes. The guy would love getting intimate with me, but would eventually dump me for a girl who made the man treat them a certain way and didn't take any crap nor fall for them too easily.

Look at George Clooney....the man who said he would never get married, who has dated some really beautiful women, finally proposed....to the woman who said "no" to his requests for dates for months, and he had to chase her.
I agree. This guy I was seeing has no issue getting girls but doesn't offer commitment to just anyone. My question is, does oral sex count as much as real sex? We only ever did oral but I didn't want to actually sleep with him because I'm a virgin and always thought I'd wait until I was in a relationship. I don't know, do you think I was too easy?
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Old 08-28-2014, 12:17 PM
 
Location: Canada
11,756 posts, read 11,947,793 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by steen324 View Post
I agree. This guy I was seeing has no issue getting girls but doesn't offer commitment to just anyone. My question is, does oral sex count as much as real sex? We only ever did oral but I didn't want to actually sleep with him because I'm a virgin and always thought I'd wait until I was in a relationship. I don't know, do you think I was too easy?
Oral is one type of sex, so yes it counts, and it's a lot more intimate than regular intercourse. Some people out there are deluding themselves by doing everything other than penetration and claiming they're not having sex.
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Old 08-28-2014, 12:17 PM
 
5,312 posts, read 6,078,154 times
Reputation: 4110
I think sometimes people mistake physical attraction and lust for chemistry..Happens to my good looking friend a lot he sees a lot of women he has minimal interest in yet they become so attatched to him I'm guessing it's partly because of how attracted they are to him and it makes them want to force chemistry..
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Old 08-28-2014, 12:21 PM
 
25,556 posts, read 23,823,280 times
Reputation: 10119
Quote:
Originally Posted by weezerfan84 View Post
Absolutely right. Why waste your time being mysterious when the same outcome will happen just at a later date? I absolutely agree with just being yourself and hoping for the best. Someone will like you, and if no one comes around that likes you as much as you like them, keep pressing forward in your personal life. By sitting around and waiting on another person to get you to the next level, you miss out on a lot of things you can do on your own.

I may not have a partner now, but I do have my career and financial stability to fall back on. That's very important to me, since I've been on the other side of the coin before too.
Good sane, rationally thinking. We need more of this in the world!
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Old 08-28-2014, 12:22 PM
 
25,556 posts, read 23,823,280 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea View Post
Whoa whoa...never said that I wanted to do that. o.O

But you do have a point......what I was saying is that I would be upset if I found out I couldn't like anyone else for the rest of my life. That is what I am afraid of.
Why would you be upset? You can't force feelings, nor should you!
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Old 08-28-2014, 12:23 PM
 
25,556 posts, read 23,823,280 times
Reputation: 10119
Quote:
Originally Posted by CapsChick View Post
OP, I think he liked you, enjoyed your company, and was attracted to you, but didn't feel the same emotional connection that you did. He did the right thing and bowed out. It sucks, but it happens. Being "more mysterious" may have prolonged the inevitable, but ultimately it wouldn't have changed things. It's better to just be yourself and not play those games, anyway.
Agreed. These games are juvenile and stupid, and at best for teenagers (not that they make sense for adults, either).
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Old 08-28-2014, 12:26 PM
 
25,556 posts, read 23,823,280 times
Reputation: 10119
Quote:
Originally Posted by steen324 View Post
I agree. This guy I was seeing has no issue getting girls but doesn't offer commitment to just anyone. My question is, does oral sex count as much as real sex? We only ever did oral but I didn't want to actually sleep with him because I'm a virgin and always thought I'd wait until I was in a relationship. I don't know, do you think I was too easy?
I think it's not really worth dwelling on. If the guy isn't the love of your life, then move on. If you are truly in love with him, tell him and see what happens.
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Old 08-28-2014, 12:27 PM
 
5,121 posts, read 6,775,753 times
Reputation: 5833
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011 View Post
Just like an actual chemistry experiment, it takes more than one substance to create a reaction, otherwise it's just a liquid in a beaker. Chemistry is something felt between two people. If it's only felt on one side, it's not chemistry.
This is my view on it too. If only one person feels it, it was never really "chemistry." Doesn't mean one perosn didn't feel strongly or their love wasn't real. It just means there was no chemistry between the two people. I've had this happen to me too (where I had strong feelings and thought there was something) but it turned out I was wrong. It happens and you just have to move on.
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