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I'll be turning 32 soon, and I have come to the conclusion that I will never get a date or a girlfriend.
I never dated in high school or college, mostly because I was focusing on my studies and interests. In high school I had attempted to talk to a few girls who might have been interesting, but each time, I got rejected. There were a few girls that were interested in me, but I wasn't interested in them. In college there were some girls I was interested in, but they had boyfriends or fiances, and that also put a damper on my dating abilities.
I tried online dating for a while, with no success.
Now I am afraid that if any potential date finds out I am a virgin or never dated, they will be turned off/not interested and reject me or block me from contacting them.
I live in my parents' backyard. I have been saving up to buy a house or condo, but most of the homes in my area are expensive, even though I have a full-time job. , and have been trying my best to work on that by going to the gym.
I am starting to feel like there is no hope for me, as I feel that women aren't attracted to me.
"I am also overweight" plenty of fat dudes pull women
"im saving up to buy a house or condo" get an apartment in the meantime..get away from your parents house!
"I never dated in high school or college, mostly because I was focusing on my studies and interests." so your sucessful and make good money i take it?
get you a starter chick from walmart... its not impossible
get your sealegs under you then you can possibly upgrade in 6 months
You are definitely not alone! I'm mid-twenties, but I am really feeling life passing me by. Friends are getting married and having children and I'm over here too terrified to talk to guys and not wanting to go hang out in bars to find someone. All of my friends are either engaged or married and so are their friends, so I can't even be 'set-up' with anyone. :/
And many women can't. Some women don't get attention even from guys they don't fancy. If they wait around, they end up waiting around for decades. I know women like that. I also know women who never get approached, and who decided to take matters into their own hands, and do the approaching. A couple of those women are married now. The ones who have been waiting are still waiting after 20 years.
Well that's a rarity for them taking matters in their own hands
You are definitely not alone! I'm mid-twenties, but I am really feeling life passing me by. Friends are getting married and having children and I'm over here too terrified to talk to guys and not wanting to go hang out in bars to find someone. All of my friends are either engaged or married and so are their friends, so I can't even be 'set-up' with anyone. :/
women in their 20's are always trying to keep up with their friends
those same women will be 40 yr old divorced "single moms" trying to cougar after they have already depriciated in value
i recommend not worrying about what they are doing and let life play out
That simply isn't true. A lot of women are invisible to men. I've seen men walk away from an entire roomful of women after surveying the situation, presumably because none of them was the guy's "type".
I've seen this happen too, but in every single instance, it was because the women were in the bottom 10th percentile or so, as I mentioned. Nowhere in my post did I suggest that every single woman can easily find a man. My point was that in those situations, it's almost always the case that the woman (or women) was/were far below average looking.
I've hosted and been a part of dozens of singles events over the years, so while my observations may not be as judiciously recorded as those in a scientific study, I'd be very surprised if I were proven wrong with some hard data.
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Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
Men will not, and do not, "take almost anything". Look at how many guys here in the past have said they have to be physically attracted to women in order to be interested at all, even in casual sex. Look at the numerous guys who have said that the women approaching them aren't women they're interested in.
See above.
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Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
Women who are in shape but don't have the requisite curves, for example, don't attract attention, even if they're reasonably attractive otherwise. Very attractive women don't get approached if they're shy and come across as aloof, due to shyness. It just isn't as simple as people think.
I seriously doubt a reasonably attractive woman has to try very hard to get a date. OK, so she might not go out with the likes of Tiger Woods or Brad Pitt often, but her dating calendar is likely far easier to fill than that of a man in her own attractiveness bracket. I challenge you to try out a very simple experiment yourself, tonight, and see what you find. Set up 2 profiles on a dating website like OKCupid or PlentyOfFish - one with the image of an average woman, the other with that of an average guy. Then try to set up a date, or just email back and forth with members of the opposite sex. See what your own experience teaches you.
And yes, there is truth to your last statement about very attractive women not getting approached as often as you'd think - I think OKCupid did a study on this and the results showed that this was indeed the case, at least in OLD. But then I made no statement about the super attractive women anywhere, so that's neither here nor there...
The desperation from some guys just 's me in this thread.
...
2) I Remind myself of how many less fortunate people live in this world wishing for a plate of edible food, a roof over their house, and some clean water to drink for themselves and their children.
Here's the quandary of the modern West: most people – even the most benighted unfortunates who still live in their parents' basements – have no trouble putting food on the table, have access to clean potable water, have immunizations from communicable diseases, don't have worms living in their stomach, or malaria-infested mosquitoes biting them. Most don't worry about getting hacked to pieces by marauders from an enemy tribe, or getting ethnically-cleansed, or forcibly converted to an alien religion, or blown up by a roadside bomb. But most of the poor villagers in South Sudan or Mosul or Homs or Gaza City who DO have to worry about malnutrition and parasite-infested water and roadside bombs and terrorist militias are – drum-roll! – married; or they have relatively straightforward access to marriage. Their spouses might not be attractive or even selected by personal choice, but involuntary celibacy isn't exactly their #1 concern.
No, all things considered, I'm not lining up to switch places with some goatherd in Paktia province of Afghanistan. But let's admit forthrightly: that goatherd has some things going for him, that for me, a well-to-do healthy man in the West, are at present mere dreams and fantasies. So in that regard, he and I have much in common.
The woman who was still a virgin at 76 was of course a virgin at 32, but whereas at 76 her virginity might have been involuntary, at 32 it may not have been. She may have been waiting for "the One". She may have been unapproachable and aloof, or placed her priorities elsewhere.
She wasn't really waiting, but she said that she wouldn't marry just anyone. She told a tale of how she had been with a guy whom she would have married, but he didn't ask her to marry him. Since she wasn't going to marry Mr. Wrong just to become Mrs., she lived and died a virgin. Now, had she met someone who was still a virgin in his thirties and he turned out to be Mr. Right, guaranteed she'd have married him. But I certainly did applaud her for the attitude of "I would rather never get married than marry the wrong one".
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Originally Posted by ohio_peasant
If the OP comes across the 32-year-old version of the aforementioned 76-year-old woman, his prospects aren't necessarily good. Why? Because that 32-year-old has not benefited from the wisdom of the 76-year-old. She's still 32, and believes that her life remains ahead of her. Why settle, when a better candidate might be right around the corner?
I don't know about that. At age 76, she expressed no regret at having done what she did in her younger years. I think that if her 76-year-old self could have advised her 32-year-old self, the only advice she'd have given the younger version would be "you probably should look a little harder... but still, never settle for less than what you really want".
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Originally Posted by ohio_peasant
Secondly, just finding such a 32-year-old woman would be a challenge! Lonely and reticent people are by definition hidden and inconspicuous.
AU CONTRAIRE, mon ami! No man is an island. Lonely and reticent people are all over the Internet. They may be lonely and reticent but deep down they yearn for companionship and an understanding, listening ear. The Internet is the ubiquitous hangout for such people. There are even dating websites geared toward the shy and geeky among us. If the OP wants to find a good woman, he'll find that there are plenty of 'em out there... especially if he is of a religious persuasion. Virgin men are valued higher in strongly religious circles than outside. (However, I'm sure he'd always be able to find a woman who would want to bed him or be with him. I was once advised by a woman not much older than myself to keep my mouth shut about still being a virgin because when women find out about that, they'll have an added reason to pursue me because they'll want to be the one to take my virginity! I don't know how true that is- I just relayed what I was told.)
But I certainly did applaud her for the attitude of "I would rather never get married than marry the wrong one".
I respectfully disagree. Bird in the hand beats two in the bush, and a bad divorce is preferable to the complete lack of a relationship. I've done both, and would rather marry Ms. Wrong, at the cost of eventual wrenching separation, than to waft along in solitary state.
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Originally Posted by RomaniGypsy
No man is an island. Lonely and reticent people are all over the Internet. They may be lonely and reticent but deep down they yearn for companionship and an understanding, listening ear. The Internet is the ubiquitous hangout for such people. There are even dating websites geared toward the shy and geeky among us. If the OP wants to find a good woman, he'll find that there are plenty of 'em out there... especially if he is of a religious persuasion. Virgin men are valued higher in strongly religious circles than outside. (However, I'm sure he'd always be able to find a woman who would want to bed him or be with him....
Mr. Donne was an idealist. No man (or woman) ought to be an island, but the sea is vast, and many of us are forlorn outcroppings of rock barely jutting above the waves.
I wish the OP the best, as I also wish to all of our posters, whether their objectives are noble or (to some extent) base. I even wish the best to my prospective online dates who rejected me, whether for spurious causes or from genuine opposition of world-view. Indeed, we have over 7 billion people walking around, not because reclusive and malign scientists irradiated test-tubes to form Bolkanovsky groups, but because men and women found sufficient common-ground to enter into intimate relationships. This task, seemingly insurmountable for those who struggle, nevertheless is completed quite successfully by so many; too successfully, given our burgeoning population. So in some regards RomaniGypsy is right.
But well-wishes for the OP are no recipe for success, just like prayer for the ill is no guarantee of convalescence. Yes, the internet is a powerful tool, but this Forum is replete with horror stories of online-dating disasters. We should avail ourselves, of course, of all possible tools. But even that may not be sufficient. New islands form all of the time, while others are swallowed by rising water-levels.
I respectfully disagree. Bird in the hand beats two in the bush, and a bad divorce is preferable to the complete lack of a relationship. I've done both, and would rather marry Ms. Wrong, at the cost of eventual wrenching separation, than to waft along in solitary state.
You have an interesting way of looking at things. I have to state for the record that there is an "option C", which seems to be ever-increasing in popularity. That would be what is commonly called "serial monogamy". Naturally this is rarely accepted in religious circles but I think that strongly religious people are a minority in America anymore. Though you may find a bad divorce to be preferable to solitude, I suggest that having relationships without marriage beats both. Date someone for as long as the two of you want to be together. When one wants out, the relationship is done and the two people go on to seek another partner. Often that's better than a marriage forcing the two people to stay together, as long as no children are involved. So it's not like the only two options are marriage or solitude. The OP didn't even mention a wife... he said he'll never get a "date" or a "girlfriend".
Quote:
Originally Posted by ohio_peasant
Mr. Donne was an idealist. No man (or woman) ought to be an island, but the sea is vast, and many of us are forlorn outcroppings of rock barely jutting above the waves.
I say that's by our own choice. Humans are meant to live in community. Everywhere you go, people are living in community, from the most advanced societies to the most primitive tribes. Even the people who try to live a solitary life can't make it work entirely on their own - I read recently about a guy who was living in the woods of Maine on his own for 30 years. He had to steal food from camps and cabins in order to survive - meaning that had other people not put that food there, he would have starved to death. One of my best friends is sort of a loner when it comes to romantic relationships, mostly because he's scared of marriage... but that doesn't mean he doesn't feel the pull to have a girlfriend. Those of us who are, as you so eloquently put it, "forlorn outcroppings of rock barely jutting above the waves" are not foredoomed to such solitude and insignificance until we shuffle off this mortal coil.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ohio_peasant
I wish the OP the best, as I also wish to all of our posters, whether their objectives are noble or (to some extent) base. I even wish the best to my prospective online dates who rejected me, whether for spurious causes or from genuine opposition of world-view. Indeed, we have over 7 billion people walking around, not because reclusive and malign scientists irradiated test-tubes to form Bolkanovsky groups, but because men and women found sufficient common-ground to enter into intimate relationships. This task, seemingly insurmountable for those who struggle, nevertheless is completed quite successfully by so many; too successfully, given our burgeoning population. So in some regards RomaniGypsy is right.
But well-wishes for the OP are no recipe for success, just like prayer for the ill is no guarantee of convalescence. Yes, the internet is a powerful tool, but this Forum is replete with horror stories of online-dating disasters. We should avail ourselves, of course, of all possible tools. But even that may not be sufficient. New islands form all of the time, while others are swallowed by rising water-levels.
As a person with Asperger's syndrome who has always found it near impossible and also undesirable to "fit in" with a group of any significant size (or even most individual people), but yet has had plenty of success with romantic relationships, I have to say that it's not a given that some islands will be swallowed by rising water levels. I read the full manifesto of Elliot Rodger, who massacred all of those people in California just recently. Perhaps it can be argued that he was swallowed... but I would also argue that he didn't try hard enough. I've known plenty of "loners" and I have recognized two commonalities among them all - they all have a lot to offer to someone else in a relationship, and they all want to be loved and accepted by some other humans. These people may be really strange and quirky, but that isn't always bad. I've found it to be a refreshing contrast to the homogeneity practiced by so many spineless humans these days.
I have some strange and quirky traits myself. I did most of my dating through online resources once they became widely available in my late teenage years, and she who is now my wife is a woman I found on a little-known website for tall people and those who love them. Ain't many men who especially want to be with a woman who is tall and fat... they seem to prefer shorter, smaller women... not me. So I went hunting, and wouldn't you know it, "there's a website for that". And this was over 8 years ago. By now there have to be many times more resources available than what I had at my disposal in 2006. I really don't think that any adult human, especially in a large and/or populous first-world country, has to be stuck as a loner if he/she desires otherwise.
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