My time has come, Better Days! (girl, friend, mature, social)

[Pikantari]

Hi friends...

You know, I commended him, he did the right thing. he is starting to feel better, he said last night. I talked with him early in the evening, he apologized for calling the kids later than the time we agreed would be good, in mediation.

I don't think anyone is really saying that being on an anti depressant is a bad thing, and I know that it is not.

I don't know how long he had been taking it when the Ambien CR was added on.

Still, however... the therapist saw something in him sending him to psych, which a very good thing.

Once again, I truly hope they help in conjunction, to help him unravel his problems. I have a feeling that this has begun to happen, with him. I think he is seeing what he has done <shakind head>

And I think that in time, seeing what he has done, may lead him to understand why he did the things he did, for all of those many years.

He did the right thing, I agree. He offered what meds he is taking, although, I did ask again before him telling me. He was telling me about his visit to the er, which dr they consulted for him, etc.

Shoot, even going to the er was a big step, really, in all honesty. You all know what happened before when he busted his head open, thinking he was fine, and wanting to come and pick up the kids.

He did have a concussion and had to get staples up there, but the next day was saying some crazy mess to me, re the kids and child support...

Thats over, doesn't matter. I think that him actually going to psych had to be very difficult for him, but I am very happy that he did it. I KNOW that accepting to be on an anti depressant was hard for him, I can imagine him feeling like they were saying he was crazy, or that he didn't need that... pride, strength, etc.

But he is taking them, and he was already having an issue with sleep. One of the drs from my work was seeing him, and helping him with that, then everything happened, and he did not see him again, switched to another practice that really just gets you in and out, not listening to the problem, dismissing him, and I think this is probably what happened with him, until the therapist may have really started picking up on things.

For the longest time, she just wanted to make him feel good, coddled him, you did nothing wrong, it was her, thats what I heard from him, that he was getting from it. Maybe thats how she starts her patients, builds them up until she can try and get to the root.

I am talking too much seriousness right now.

I want my day to be happy and carefree. I have things to do, around the house, around town. I don't want this to be what I am thinking about.....

He did a good job, I am proud of him for what he has done.

Still doesn't change me, now, or will not make me go back to what was.

That time in my life is gone, a new chapter opening. We are both moving forward.

[Synopsis]

This is good news Robyn. I think you hit the nail on the head. Keep moving forward Robyn, you're doing a wonderful job. Things are definitely on the upswing for you; I can feel it in your words - the strength and resolve; most of all I sense you are truly happy deep down inside.

And anti-depressants are not a bad thing. This may be just the thing he needs to turn his life around. It will take time though. These meds don't work overnight and most likely it will be weeks before he sees/feels any difference. There are side effects as well to some of them, depending on the dosage and I hope he doesn't just stop taking them because of that (unless they are serious).

I really hope the guy gets help and can move on with his life and be happy. It will be better for all of you, especially the children.

[Pikantari]

Originally Posted by Synopsis

This is good news Robyn. I think you hit the nail on the head. Keep moving forward Robyn, you're doing a wonderful job. Things are definitely on the upswing for you; I can feel it in your words - the strength and resolve; most of all I sense you are truly happy deep down inside.

And anti-depressants are not a bad thing. This may be just the thing he needs to turn his life around. It will take time though. These meds don't work overnight and most likely it will be weeks before he sees/feels any difference. There are side effects as well to some of them, depending on the dosage and I hope he doesn't just stop taking them because of that (unless they are serious).

I really hope the guy gets help and can move on with his life and be happy. It will be better for all of you, especially the children.

I am glad that my happiness is sensed... I am happy.

He said they kept him on the same anti dep and changed the sleeping med. He had a psych consult in the er.

Actually, the dr who manages Ls med for Aspergers. That is who was consulted for him. I can imagine he (the dr) was able to link the names, ib tj has never taken her to an appt, but there is no one else around with our last name.

he is doing good.... doing what has to be done, in order for him to heal, move forward, and find out what caused all of this.

I have sensed this process for him, beginning... Esp when my floodgates opened that night, and I could not stop anything I said.

He could not take my words... he cried in between things I was saying, please just stop, please.

I couldn't stop. My brain would not allow it. I think he knows what he has done to us, maybe was in denial or did not want to face it before, but now, I think it is infront of him, not behind him, but he is starting to face it.

Like I faced it so many months ago, and did what I had to do, both for myself, and the kids, now it is his turn to face our life, or, what our life was.

He will realize what it was, see what it could have been, and it will hurt. I have been there.

Now, I cannot be there for him during this process. This is a road he has to walk down alone, just like the road of that track that I walked every single day for months.

It is something he has to do alone, he will find his track... The Lord will give him a track, just like he gave me one, to turn my life in a different direction, to face my fears, to do what i had to do, in my life.

I was afraid. What will I do? How will I make it? How can I make it? When this is over, will I ever be loved again.

Those were some of my thoughts, walking around that track.

I walk a new track of life now, a track full of happiness, content.

I do not walk alone, but I walk along. My full life ahead of me. The Lord has been good to me in my life.

never once has He givenn me more than I coulde handle, boy sometimes , I felt like it. I felt like just one more thing, and i do not know what i will do, and then when that would happen, I would lift it up, I would wake the next morning with so much heavy burden lifted from me.

I gave it to Him. Its all I could do.

Now I wake up.. I am alive, I have arrived. You all will see those words time and time again, don't let them scare you away, they are a very good thing.

A very good thing. To have arrived in your life.... Such a wonderful feeling... one that i can hardly explain. I have arrived in my life through all of this, I never thought I would, walking that track.

he didn't think I would,, he thought I would crawl back, he thought I couldn't make it.

I told him that night, on the phone, I did not have to crawl back. I scrape by, but I never had to crawl back. He told me he was proud of me, that I was strong, that he thought I would not be able to do it, and that I would have to come back to him.

I said, through tears of rage that night, through the flood gate. I DID NOT HAVE TO DO THAT. I did this thing.

He cried to me to please stop. I was not meaning to hurt him, I did not want him to cry. But for me, that night, getting all of that out, an awakening of my soul. Everything that was kept buried deep down inside of me I screamed out to him, through my tears, through my anger, through it all, and I could not stop.

Please stop, calm down he said to me, I can't be strong for both of us, he said to me, please just stop.

I am strong I said to him... I ~ am ~ strong!!! I know you are he said.... I know. I am so proud of you he said. I didn't think you could do, it Robyn, but you did. You did it.

I did it, friends. I did. I have come to where I am today, I have arrived. My life has changed so much since this spring, I am a different person.

This post, it has become a novel. Forgive me. It feels good to get these things out.

Hugs to you all.

r

[Pikantari]

It is a great coffee day! The coffee is cold now, in my Tink cup, but I still drink it...

I like cold coffee.

When your life is good, everything is good.

Happy Saturday!!!

[Macrina]

A friend was writing to me about a certain time in her life and she said this... “...the end of an era but we remember the good, leave the rest behind and move forward.”

Fits right in here, don't you think Robyn? ..

[Pikantari]

Originally Posted by Macrina

A friend was writing to me about a certain time in her life and she said this... “...the end of an era but we remember the good, leave the rest behind and move forward.”

Fits right in here, don't you think Robyn? ..

It sure does, Macrina, and I just accidentally hijacked someone elses thread, remembering a lot of things, in respect to her post, and I got rid of alot of my old past in it...

I have moved forward in life.

[Pikantari]

Its Saturday, and I am doing stuff around the house. The kids are chillin. It has taken 3-4 hours for me to get them to take a shower...

Finally! They are both fresh kids! YAY! So, now, it will take L another 2 hours to brush and dry her long hair..... please don't get me started.

She had a bad night last night, very emotional, both of them. It turned out fine, but in the heat of it, not so good.... at all.

She was upset, said some mean things, A got mad, he said she cannot talk to you that way Mommy. It is making me very upset.

She spoke against the Lord. She hates her life. On and on and on. Now when this happens, we can only leave her be. She just has to go in her room and scream it all out.

As her words came out, I hugged A. Its ok, she doesn't mean it. I know mommy, but it still hurts. It makes me so angry. I know it does, i tell him, we just need to leave her be, until she is done, and you drown out the words. She does not mean it. He turned the tv up, and shut the living room off to her words.

She came down stairs and apologized after. She knew she had said hurtful things, and apologized, saying she did not mean them. A offered her the living room, to watch a movie, he could not be in there with her, so very hurt, so sensitive. He went upstairs and came back down several minutes later.

She asked me if tj and I were going to get a divorce. Yes my baby.

I can't say no to her. She said, why does my life have to be this way.

I tell her, that I am sorry for how she feels, I know that it hurts her. I did what i did, because i thought it was the best thing, I think we are better for it.

Living together, mommy and Daddy were not happy , and things were not so good, but apart we are, and things are getting better.

Its hard to understand now, my L, but one day it will be ok. She hugged me.

My heart was broken for my baby girl. A was so mad with her that he ran up the stairs while she was raging, and he pushed her. I had to get between them.

He said you do not talk to Mommy that way. She loves us and takes care of us. You do not speak against the lord.

I made him go downstairs. Everyone got their share of big hugs last night, I kept them separated for a good while, both a calming down period. They were able to come back together with hugs, and watch a movie.

We were able to all come together in embrace.

After it was calm, I sat on the front porch swing. One day, it will be ok. I knew this was going to be hard, no one ever said it would be easy, and it wasn't easy before.

I do the best I can, with what I have, and it seems to all work itself out.

They were just fine, and the hugs and playfulness and love spread itself around.

I sat out there and I could see them through the window, just as if none of it had ever happened, but I think it was growth for them.

As hard as it was for me to try and find the right words, to say the right thing to each of them, individually, and together.

I think what happened last night, needed to happen. Just like my night of talking to him when the flood gates opened.

I expect this to happen again, I know it will.

I just have to maintain the strength to carry on. Right now, they are playing, goofing off in the living room, as though none of it every happened.

Last night I talked on the phone for a long time with a very good friend. I was able to be calm, and just be ok. The kids were ok. They came through the battle, they won.

Peeking out the door, I love you Mommy.

Thats what its all about right there... I love you mommy. I love you too sweeties.

Now they are sitting on the couch seeing who can gross the other one out the best. Life is good at the house of Chimes.


I was sitting there first! no I was! So, I want to sit on that spot! So, I was there first!

LOL... it's all good. Great kids, acting like normal kids. My A will be 14 in March, my L will be 12 in feb.

Priceless. Our lives, priceless. We've come a long way... And we are gonna keep on going.

We all went to bed last night, happy. A million hugs dispersed and received. Children running through the house. I love you Mommy! Mommy needs a hug, Mommy is the cheese! Its a mommy sandwhich!

This world that we live in, it is a great one....embrace it. Love life, live life to the fullest........

Thats what I am doing right now.

[HDL]

Such a BEAUTIFUL post above Robyn ! It brings tears to my eyes . I know so little, but it seems to me it is best that L is allowed to share her feelings, versus bottling them up inside and getting ill . And I really have no idea whatsoever, but maybe that is why you were sick for so long ??! Pent up emotions that you were finally able to release through writing about them on CDF !!!

Anyways, I think it's time for you to submit one of these heartfelt posts to a Woman's magazine like Women's Weekly :-) They'll PAY you for these kinds of short stories and that could help you with some of your $$$$bills$$$$ till the BOOK is written !!!

BIG HUGS for the gang at HOC !!

~HDL~

[Pikantari]

Originally Posted by HDL

Such a BEAUTIFUL post above Robyn ! It brings tears to my eyes . I know so little, but it seems to me it is best that L is allowed to share her feelings, versus bottling them up inside and getting ill . And I really have no idea whatsoever, but maybe that is why you were sick for so long ??! Pent up emotions that you were finally able to release through writing about them on CDF !!!

Anyways, I think it's time for you to submit one of these heartfelt posts to a Woman's magazine like Women's Weekly :-) They'll PAY you for these kinds of short stories and that could help you with some of your $$$$bills$$$$ till the BOOK is written !!!

BIG HUGS for the gang at HOC !!

~HDL~

Now you know, I never thought of doing that before...

Yes, it was the reason I was not so well. After I was able to come here, go to the track, get away, I got better. So many things got better.

[Pikantari]

Ok, The kids and I walked out the back door off of the mudroom, and my next door neighbor poked his head over the fence.

Hey, how ya'll doin?

Good, how are you? I'm doin real good, How was your Christmas?

It was wonderful, and yours?

It was great.

Ok, that part wasn't gross, but this part is......

I was on the top stair of my back steps, and I could see just over his privacy fence.

A deer... oooh yucky! It was dead, of course, and hanging up side down from the swing he has in his back yard.

OH NASTY! He was bleeding it... Excellent barfability going on over there. YUCK!

So, after that we drove into town for lunch. Like I could eat after that!!!! On the way into town there were hunters parked on the side of the road, their kill, laying on the side of the road, like it fell off of their truck.

Why does this happen to me? Why do I get behind the dead deer and all that?

So, I saw a patient in Wal Mart, and she told me I needed to give my Tinkerbell purse to L..... how sad. Never!