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Dumb move was on her part in divulging such info this far into the marriage. Just asinine IMO.
What did she achieve but put doubt her own marriage.
Sounds like it, but we still haven't heard from the OP why she dropped that bomb so long after the fact. Did issues come up? The OP's holding out on us.
I agree we were not exclusive but she made it seem she wasnot with anyone
She wasn't with anyone. She was no one's girlfriend. She was single and unattached. She had a friend with benefits to scratch that itch, but that was about it. It doesn't sound like they were "dating" in any sense of the word. LOL
I have to tell you, finding a good drama free FWB can be challenging. For women, you want someone who doesn't make you feel like a scummy peace of meat and won't get all attached, but stay friendly at the same time. Someone who if you cut him off and move on wont be an jerk to your new boyfriend and wont be trying to persue you relentlessly for another session every chance he gets even though he knows you are committed elsewhere now. Yes, men get attached too. And y'all are horrible when you do. All that and he needs to be at least decent at the deed.
She walked away from the sure thing for you. At 20. You did good dude.
I do think you have a right to be shocked and a little pissed since you know the guy, but I would talk it out with her and make it my goal to move on after a while. Really, this was college age stuff.
Also are people naïve enough to think that no one in any bridal party has ever been with the bride or groom? Hell my best man dated my now wife. He actually set us up. According to some of you people this clearly means they are still doing it, and everyone is an a hole.
I know, right? Hey you grow up in one community, spend 10-15 years there as a sexually active single person, you are bound to end up with friends you once slept with. Why be childish or weird about it?
It's the same mentality where guys talk about women "giving" sex to other guys. I just can't get my head around that mindset.
I'd be pretty devastated if I found this out from my husband. BUT we've all made mistakes and I don't have a clean slate myself. The fact she told you means she wanted it off her chest. She was honest. Now don't beat yourself up.
You couldn't be more wrong (though I wouldn't mind being an average young guy again). And as someone who has been around the block a few times I've seen all this crap before and am familiar with the patterns in my peers' failed marriages. And one pattern that I have seen over and over is that women who enjoy casual sex never stop liking it.
First off I have been happy married for 21 years; my wife is the love of my life, I am 43 she is 42. When we started dating 23 years ago she said she was single. Just found out she was but had a sex buddy for about a year and she was still sleeping with him while I was courting her and she said she still slept with him for about a month after we had sex. She even had sex with us on back to back days. I know it was a long time ago but it does hurt knowing I took her on dates but the other guy got the sex. And it does discuss me knowing I got sloppy seconds.
How would you feel about this?
This is what most women do. I'm sure most married guys you know are in your shoes. They just don't know it.
In any event, you don't want to lose half of your stuff (maybe more) over something that happened so long ago. You should look at your wife differently though. That's pretty disgusting that she did that.
There is way too much being read into this situation that happened over 20 years ago.
From what I have read the original poster and his current wife had not known each other long, were just starting to date but were not exclusive as a couple.
She had an intimate friend she kept until things got serious with her current husband then the intimate friend became just a friend.
Neither of them had any ties to each other at that point and I see no reason for her to give up something just because she "might" become serious with the new romantic interest.
I think the original poster is looking for a reason to break down the marriage and this is a long reach at a short straw.
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