Need some advice - should I let this go? (men, serious, like)
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I would like some opinions on a dating situation I've recently found myself in. I met someone online a little over a month ago. For the first few weeks, he was absolutely wonderful. He didn't text too much, but I heard from him frequently and he never missed a day of telling me good morning and to have a great day. We have been on five dates and they've all gone well. We have had some really great and insightful discussions about a lot of topics, and he would frequently tell me that he missed me, was looking forward to seeing me again, etc.
The catch is he works on a contract and his contract is up in mid October. He has no idea if he will be renewed to stay here or if he will be told to move somewhere else. He doesn't get any say in the matter and he will not know until the day it expires. The other catch is he is from Boston, and he travels almost every single week back to Boston for a long weekend. So a lot of the time we have been talking to each other he's been gone.
Knowing all this I decided he was worth pursuing anyway. Maybe he won't have to go after all. BUT his attitude has changed a lot in the past week. His texting started to decrease and now I haven't heard from him at all since Saturday. Although on Saturday he told me he has a lot on his mind, but he's always thinking of me. We talked Friday and he told me his grandfather is very sick, the place he has been staying when he goes to Boston is not going to work after this month, so he has to find a new place to stay, and of course the uncertainty of his job. I have initiated conversation a few times and I have told him I'm here if he needs anything and that I care.
I am not sure what his silence means. I don't want to be pushy if he just has a lot on his mind. I get needing to focus on something else besides dating, but are we even still dating? Did he just change his mind and he's too afraid to tell me? I wouldn't think it was strange he faded out, except that prior to Saturday we talked at least a few times a day. I alternate trying to be compassionate for all he has going on and feeling annoyed at being left hanging.
Any advice?
Sounds like he does that to everybody he dates. Hot and heavy at first then, poof. You barely know him. Back off and stay friends if you really like him. Don't hold breath tho.
A quick update - I had a blast in Denver (I met John Elway!!) and I communicated with him here and there. On Sunday he texted me to let me know he was back in my home state and we have been texting fairly regularly. He is leaving AGAIN this weekend, so I told him on Monday I'm free this week if he would like to get together. He suggested Wednesday, but said he needed to double check work - okay fine, I said Wednesday works and to let me know. He's continued to text me idle chit chat, but hasn't mentioned anything about tonight. It's like I've been friend zoned.
My feelings are hurt. I'm debating between confronting him and just taking a hint he doesn't have romantic interest anymore and leaving it alone. I don't need a texting buddy.
A quick update - I had a blast in Denver (I met John Elway!!) and I communicated with him here and there. On Sunday he texted me to let me know he was back in my home state and we have been texting fairly regularly. He is leaving AGAIN this weekend, so I told him on Monday I'm free this week if he would like to get together. He suggested Wednesday, but said he needed to double check work - okay fine, I said Wednesday works and to let me know. He's continued to text me idle chit chat, but hasn't mentioned anything about tonight. It's like I've been friend zoned.
My feelings are hurt. I'm debating between confronting him and just taking a hint he doesn't have romantic interest anymore and leaving it alone. I don't need a texting buddy.
I think the latter part will save you a lot of headache.
He's not giving you what you want or at least he's avoiding telling you how he truly feels, not that he's obligated to.
At this point you have two choices, and the latter option sounds fairly reasonable.
A quick update - I had a blast in Denver (I met John Elway!!) and I communicated with him here and there. On Sunday he texted me to let me know he was back in my home state and we have been texting fairly regularly. He is leaving AGAIN this weekend, so I told him on Monday I'm free this week if he would like to get together. He suggested Wednesday, but said he needed to double check work - okay fine, I said Wednesday works and to let me know. He's continued to text me idle chit chat, but hasn't mentioned anything about tonight. It's like I've been friend zoned.
My feelings are hurt. I'm debating between confronting him and just taking a hint he doesn't have romantic interest anymore and leaving it alone. I don't need a texting buddy.
Ugh, sorry to hear that. I think "leaving it alone" is a good option. I really do feel that if a guy wants to spend time with you he will make it happen. Surely there are much better options out there for you!
I am so with you on the texting buddy part too. May as well let that fade out.
Ugh, sorry to hear that. I think "leaving it alone" is a good option. I really do feel that if a guy wants to spend time with you he will make it happen. Surely there are much better options out there for you!
I am so with you on the texting buddy part too. May as well let that fade out.
BTW, I'm also in VA and have a brother in CO.
Thanks! It's so strange how he continues to text me - why doesn't he just fade out if he's not interested. I honestly think he doesn't want to totally shut the door in case he ends up sticking around here.
Really? How old is he? Maybe I should have looked him up while I was there!
Thanks! It's so strange how he continues to text me - why doesn't he just fade out if he's not interested. I honestly think he doesn't want to totally shut the door in case he ends up sticking around here.
Really? How old is he? Maybe I should have looked him up while I was there!
Sorry to hear that. Good thing is you're not allowing yourself to be led on and making it more than what it truly is. If you have no desire to be a texting buddy, than I say just stop responding to the messages. You can decide if you want confront him about his feelings towards you, whether it's just friends or more there. Best news to take from this is that you know your self worth and your value!
Sorry to hear that. Good thing is you're not allowing yourself to be led on and making it more than what it truly is. If you have no desire to be a texting buddy, than I say just stop responding to the messages. You can decide if you want confront him about his feelings towards you, whether it's just friends or more there. Best news to take from this is that you know your self worth and your value!
I wish. I feel pretty discouraged. My first dating experience in a long time and it's more of the same crap that was the reason I quit in the first place.
For me I stop texting, if I feel like I am just being led along, or it is not going anywhere for me, I just cut off communication, however the only problem with that, is they think they can text you every five months just to see if you are available, which can be kind of insulting. So maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to just have a come to Jesus meeting and tell him to put all his cards on the table and see where this is going. That way you will know for sure, and can make a clear decision, instead of walking away from something and wondering if you did the right thing
I wish. I feel pretty discouraged. My first dating experience in a long time and it's more of the same crap that was the reason I quit in the first place.
And sometimes that's just what happens. Have to take the good with the bad. Meeting people online has and was tough for me too, but I had to flip the script to have a better experience.
Feeling yourself catch some feelings for someone new is always nice, but the vulnerability of accepting a failing proposition is never fun.
Why does he go "home" to Boston every weekend? Doesn't he have a place in your town, too? Sounds like he is going back every weekend for a reason. That reason might be his wife or girlfriend. Just a thought which occurred to me.
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