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Me and my girl were together for 2 and a half years. The relationship was rocky, especially in the last few months. We had trust issues and argued a lot. I tend to say bad things to someone, when I am angry. One month ago she broke up with me, because we were arguing too much and I said bad things to her out of anger... She told me she cant handle it anymore and that I will never change. At this time she also had an abortion. We decided both that it is the best thing to do after she got pregnant.
So after she broke up with me, I was begging, calling and tried to talk her out of this desicion. I told her I changed and learned from my mistakes. So one week ago I thought she got warmed up, we were flirting, we had contact and even met up but i guess I took things too fast, tried to touch her but she was distant and didnt like it. A week later she told me that I am moving too fast and she needs much more time before even thinking of get physical again. I told her I will give her time and would be happy if we still would be in contact. So now we are still in contact but she just replies to my messages, she never asks something and is very distant. Now she doesnt want to meet me and everytime I offer a meeting she denies it. It´s like she is cold and distant again like shortly after the break up.
She also is dealing with the abortion and its hard for her. She feels guilty and is confused, I know that by the way she is talking about it. Maybe this is one reason why she is so distant. When we met each other it seemed like she sort of doesn´t want to see me. I also got the feeling that she is still very angry about my verbally abusive behaviour after the breakup..
But I love this girl so much.. Even if she is telling me, she has no feelings for me at all, I think she still got feelings but they are kind of burried under the anger and the emotional pain and stress she is going through.
I really want her back but don´t know what would be the best to get her to open up?? I thought about no contact for a few weeks and then try again but I don´t know if that would help? I mean we got contact until this day but the way she is responding is so cold and hurts me so much.. even if she is answering all of my messages.. Should I ask her to leave her alone for a while? Or should I just keep contact and try? I don´t know what to do and I am feeling so hopeless..
Let it go and move on. Sounds to me like you two don't belong together. Also, you do need to get the anger under control. Verbal abuse is unacceptable.
Me and my girl were together for 2 and a half years. The relationship was rocky, especially in the last few months. We had trust issues and argued a lot. I tend to say bad things to someone, when I am angry. One month ago she broke up with me, because we were arguing too much and I said bad things to her out of anger... She told me she cant handle it anymore and that I will never change. At this time she also had an abortion. We decided both that it is the best thing to do after she got pregnant.
So after she broke up with me, I was begging, calling and tried to talk her out of this desicion. I told her I changed and learned from my mistakes. So one week ago I thought she got warmed up, we were flirting, we had contact and even met up but i guess I took things too fast, tried to touch her but she was distant and didnt like it. A week later she told me that I am moving too fast and she needs much more time before even thinking of get physical again. I told her I will give her time and would be happy if we still would be in contact. So now we are still in contact but she just replies to my messages, she never asks something and is very distant. Now she doesnt want to meet me and everytime I offer a meeting she denies it. It´s like she is cold and distant again like shortly after the break up.
She also is dealing with the abortion and its hard for her. She feels guilty and is confused, I know that by the way she is talking about it. Maybe this is one reason why she is so distant. When we met each other it seemed like she sort of doesn´t want to see me. I also got the feeling that she is still very angry about my verbally abusive behaviour after the breakup..
But I love this girl so much.. Even if she is telling me, she has no feelings for me at all, I think she still got feelings but they are kind of burried under the anger and the emotional pain and stress she is going through.
I really want her back but don´t know what would be the best to get her to open up?? I thought about no contact for a few weeks and then try again but I don´t know if that would help? I mean we got contact until this day but the way she is responding is so cold and hurts me so much.. even if she is answering all of my messages.. Should I ask her to leave her alone for a while? Or should I just keep contact and try? I don´t know what to do and I am feeling so hopeless..
Please!!! Help!
You are focused on the wrong problem.
WHY would she come back to you? Your relationship ended in a tragic explosion of anger, verbal abuse, unintended pregnancy and abortion. It doesn't get much worse than that.
YOU need to work on yourself. You can't love anyone until you fix this. Stop badgering her to come back to you until YOU get professional help for your anger problem.
If you really love(d) her so much you shouldn't have mistreated her to the point where she "cant handle it anymore". She's already telling you to leave her alone, but you don't seem to want to accept this, which is a bit troubling. If you don't learn how to manage or overcome your anger issues, you will have more serious problems in the future.
If you love her that much why do you letting her to have an abortion? I think you both wounded way too much. Being aggressive wont go away as far you go for therapy like anger management. Give some time for both of your self. If you meant to be together you will be together some how.
Let it go and move on. Sounds to me like you two don't belong together. Also, you do need to get the anger under control. Verbal abuse is unacceptable.
This. ^^^^^^
It won't work now. It will never work, with her or any other potential romantic partner.
Resolve your anger issues BEFORE you try to start another relationship otherwise they will all end up like this one or worse, i.e. verbal abuse becomes physical abuse. Do you want to subject someone (this girl or others in the future) you supposedly "love" to a daily torrent of hate and abuse and fear and dread of your very voice and presence? Do you want to send her to the hospital with life threatening injuries? Do you want to be arrested and end up in jail or prison?
I find it interesting that you mention your anger issues but not the self identified need to correct them. You do realize this is the crux of the dysfunction, right? Ever sought help with your anger issues? Do you want to resolve your anger issues? You never will until you take responsibility for your anger.
I'd say, "good luck", but you need more than luck, you need a deep seated will to change. Do you have that deep seated will?
Last edited by NavyMustang; 09-14-2014 at 09:01 AM..
If you really love(d) her so much you shouldn't have mistreated her to the point where she "cant handle it anymore". She's already telling you to leave her alone, but you don't seem to want to accept this, which is a bit troubling. If you don't learn how to manage or overcome your anger issues, you will have more serious problems in the future.
OP:
Regarding the bolded part in pink...
What part of no from your ex do you not want to get or not want to understand?
Leave her alone.
Work on bettering yourself. You have to find it in yourself to admit that you need help with your anger issues. Then you have to get the help you need before it gets much worse than what you mentioned in your original post.
No-one can have a healthy relationship with the problems mentioned in your original post.
first question, why would she even want to take you back? you treated her horribly by your own admission.
second question, whose idea was the abortion? if it was hers that is one thing, if it was yours and you had to talk her into it, then again, why would she want to take you back?
so now what do you do? well first you start to work on yourself and your obvious anger issues. get counseling for that.
second you have to decide right now to stop being irresponsible, and become a truly productive member of society. you have to stop being selfish, and work for the betterment of your fellow man. and this doesnt mean you have to give a lot of money to charity, or take in the homeless, but you do have to treat the people around you better than you do now.
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