U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 09-11-2014, 04:46 PM
 
Location: In the desert, by the mirage.
2,322 posts, read 859,329 times
Reputation: 2445

Advertisements

If they do differ, Do you find yourself being pickier IRL or in OLD?

I have a couple of acquaintances that have profiles on dating websites. I am going to speak about one in particular although both cases are similar. On the sites she specifically requests to date men w/o kids and in her age range or younger. IRL however, she dates men with children that are much older than she is. She is hopeful that at least one of them wants to take the relationship to the next level. She comments on how she would "close her accounts" if they ever made that move.

I've never done OLD but I have created profiles just to see the photos of the women on the sites. When filling out the criteria I remember thinking how much the process was similar to ordering a computer from the Dell website: add $250 per 8mb of RAM, add $400 for a 17", subtract ... It almost felt like I was ordering a mail-order bride. I knew it was a necessary evil , to be able to manage the matches but I was being asked to choose when IRL I really didn't think about these things before engaging in a conversation. And I know for a fact that the women with which I've had long relationships, 2+ years, probably wouldn't have shown up.

I am a small government conservative(more libertarian actually) yet in the last 20 years I've only dated one young lady that, I believe, was conservative. Everyone else was left leaning if not far left leaning:they would not have shown up in my list of matches. Which is sad because in an attempt to narrow down my choices the system may actually be excluding a potentially good match. While these relationships didn't last, I most certainly was enriched and learned a lot about life and myself.

There are preferences and then there are deal breakers. I prefer a red head but if you are a compassionate person we could always swing by the pharmacy and get you Clairol Nice 'n Easy 6.5R. But no amount of fiery red hair is going to make me overlook your lack of compassion. Since the things that really matter have to be confirmed IRL anyway, lightening up on the superficial requirements may benefit those doing OLD.

I apologize for my rambling I just wanted to get this in before weezerfan84 shuts this online dating debate down
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 09-11-2014, 04:52 PM
 
Location: The Triad (NC)
32,731 posts, read 76,716,591 times
Reputation: 40731
Quote:
Originally Posted by winrunner View Post
I've never done OLD but...
but until you have NONE of this is meaningful.

Except ONE point:
There is no such thing as On Line Dating.

At best it's an opportunity to MEET people you otherwise wouldn't...
and to learn way way (WAY!!) too much about them before you meet.

Try to avoid this happening.
Meet asap. Coffee is cheap.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-11-2014, 04:58 PM
 
Location: In the desert, by the mirage.
2,322 posts, read 859,329 times
Reputation: 2445
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrRational View Post
but until you have NONE of this is meaningful.

Except ONE point:
There is no such thing as On Line Dating.

At best it's an opportunity to MEET people you otherwise wouldn't...
and to learn way way (WAY!!) too much about them before you meet.

Try to avoid this happening.
Meet asap. Coffee is cheap.
I'm not trying to do OLD. I do fine IRL.

I'm trying to find out if people are pickier IRL or OLD?

Thanks for the reply.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-11-2014, 05:02 PM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
40,732 posts, read 33,084,560 times
Reputation: 38785
It isn't about being pickier or not, it is just a different scenario. IRL it is all about instant chemistry for me and then finding out about criteria compatibility. OLD is about some compatibility criteria then checking on chemistry. The rest is the same, more or less, it is just the order.

In many ways I think IRL is trickier / harder to meet good partners as chemistry can mask compatibility issues, so OLD is often more efficient. But both are good to do as IRL challenges our perceptions of what the big issues are to us.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-11-2014, 05:12 PM
 
Location: In the desert, by the mirage.
2,322 posts, read 859,329 times
Reputation: 2445
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
It isn't about being pickier or not, it is just a different scenario. IRL it is all about instant chemistry for me and then finding out about criteria compatibility. OLD is about some compatibility criteria then checking on chemistry. The rest is the same, more or less, it is just the order.

In many ways I think IRL is trickier / harder to meet good partners as chemistry can mask compatibility issues, so OLD is often more efficient. But both are good to do as IRL challenges our perceptions of what the big issues are to us.
I had to read the bolded part a few times 'cause I was surprised that someone would think IRL is trickier. I place a lot on chemistry and being able to vibe with the person even though I know that it isn't enough and it doesn't make up for all compatibility issues. The only downside that I can see is that we would probably date longer since it may take longer for the issues to surface. Good point.

Thank you.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-11-2014, 05:14 PM
 
Location: Viña del Mar, Chile
16,409 posts, read 29,469,991 times
Reputation: 16613
No i go for the same people, the nice thing about online is that I can search for exactly what I like and I don't have to leave my bed
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2022, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top