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I think that getting involved in a sport or even running would be a good way just to help get his mind off his brother's girlfriend. That sort of activity also helps those trying to survive a bad breakup. He's got to get his mind off of her.
Funny.
I took a 4-hour walk yesterday. About 10 miles.
Funny.
I took a 4-hour walk yesterday. About 10 miles.
It helped.
The mind is very powerful. Instead of your emotions running what you are thinking about, you need to force your mind to be in charge. Use your brain energy to excel in school and later to well in college. Now is not the time for love imo. You are 18 and should be focused on developing into successful adult. And the better you are at living life and having a good job, the more your life rewards will be like having a nice place to live and having a wonderful girlfriend. There is nothing wrong with wanting a girlfriend just like your brother's. But you are 18 and she is 29, and what do you really have to offer her right now? Love is important, but I am more practical and old fashioned. I feel that in order for a man to court a woman properly or declare his love for her, he needs to be able to back it up with having the means to court her properly and to be able to in a timely fashion, marry her and be able to support having a family. So here, you have a situation where your brother is already dating her, they are both 29 and working full time jobs, and you are a senior in high school maybe with a part time job. For you to date a 29 year old woman would be an unequal situation. Can you afford to take her out on dates like your brother does? See if you are dating a girl that is also in high school, you both are on the same economic level when you go out. But once you get out of school and have a full time job, then there is more disposable income. And right now, you couldn't even go out to a bar with this 29 year old woman and have drinks with her, let alone take her out to a nice restaurant once a week. I'm not putting you down, but just trying to inject some realism here. And I want you to enjoy being 18 rather that wishing you were older and all grown up already. Don't rush your youth.
There will be other young women in your future that will be as wonderful as this 29 year old woman, and you will also feel as comfortable around her. She is not the only female in the world that can make you feel comfortable and happy. And ask any of us, it takes all of us time and a little effort to find someone that we click with enough to want to date. Dating is not an easy process, but the end goal is more than worth it.
The mind is very powerful. Instead of your emotions running what you are thinking about, you need to force your mind to be in charge. Use your brain energy to excel in school and later to well in college. Now is not the time for love imo. You are 18 and should be focused on developing into successful adult. And the better you are at living life and having a good job, the more your life rewards will be like having a nice place to live and having a wonderful girlfriend. There is nothing wrong with wanting a girlfriend just like your brother's. But you are 18 and she is 29, and what do you really have to offer her right now? Love is important, but I am more practical and old fashioned. I feel that in order for a man to court a woman properly or declare his love for her, he needs to be able to back it up with having the means to court her properly and to be able to in a timely fashion, marry her and be able to support having a family. So here, you have a situation where your brother is already dating her, they are both 29 and working full time jobs, and you are a senior in high school maybe with a part time job. For you to date a 29 year old woman would be an unequal situation. Can you afford to take her out on dates like your brother does? See if you are dating a girl that is also in high school, you both are on the same economic level when you go out. But once you get out of school and have a full time job, then there is more disposable income. And right now, you couldn't even go out to a bar with this 29 year old woman and have drinks with her, let alone take her out to a nice restaurant once a week. I'm not putting you down, but just trying to inject some realism here. And I want you to enjoy being 18 rather that wishing you were older and all grown up already. Don't rush your youth.
There will be other young women in your future that will be as wonderful as this 29 year old woman, and you will also feel as comfortable around her. She is not the only female in the world that can make you feel comfortable and happy. And ask any of us, it takes all of us time and a little effort to find someone that we click with enough to want to date. Dating is not an easy process, but the end goal is more than worth it.
Dear Clutch, I feel that in the future, you will make a great boyfriend and husband! What I do like is that you are liking this woman for all of the right reasons (except that she is your brother's girlfriend). You like her because she makes you feel comfortable and she is easy to talk to. It's okay to be shy. And the right woman will really appreciate that you are not a romeo type. Part of my boyfriend being so special to me is the fact that he isn't a confident skirt-chaser and didn't have many girlfriends before me. And he is a smart guy and I love the way his mind works. Love is supposed to compliment your life. It shouldn't be your main priority. Find the other activities (academics, sports, hobbies) that make you excited. Excel in them and then find a woman that enjoys the same passions that you do. When you are happy and confident with who you are, you will find that others will gravitate towards you. So tend to your needs first. Don't change to make someone else happy.
And please try to see this 29 year old as a big sister that can help you with your future girlfriend issues. It's really okay to like her a lot, but just in the right way. At least if your brother marries her, you will approve of his choice. Maybe you will even be his best man at the wedding. But be happy for him and for her, since you love them both. Your time for love will come... and then one day when you are married and older, you will miss the days when you were young and single. lol!
I'm 18 years old, and I have a brother who is 29.
My brother has been dating a 29-year-old girl for the last 10 months.
He introduced me to her after they've been dating for 2 months. The first time he introduced her to me, I was very shy (which I am by nature, but especially so around her). After a few more meets I had gotten used to her and was very comfortable.
So every time we meet up (me, my brother, and her; never without my brother), we usually go to the movies, or a museum, or some other recreation, and it usually occupies most of the day's time.
So as time went on, and as I've been seeing her exponentially more and more the last few months, I began to develop feelings for her. I think it's because she had shown me the female companionship/affection I've been longing for through my teenage years.
For the last few weeks, I've been having trouble sleeping and eating. I keep thinking about her. She's in my dreams every other night, and, as selfish as it seems, I just wish to wake up and see her face lying next to mine.
I do have regards for my brother; I know it's his lady. But I just can't help feel the way I do about her. I know I've fallen in love and it's not just some crush that goes away after a couple of weeks. I know this because, when I think about her, I never think about sex. Though she is physically attractive, I have no lust for this woman.
The most painful thing is watching her kiss my brother in front of me. It just tears me up inside. I have to listen to music for hours to vent out my frustration. I also hate the way she looks at me like some kind of younger brother. Ugh .
So what do you guys think I should do? Should I just keep these feelings to myself forever? I REALLY want to let them out; holding her hand and looking into her deep blue eyes as I spill my guts... but I have a feeling like I'll get rejected, and everything will be awkward. I mean, thinking about it, she won't just dump my brother like that. But, sigh. I don't know. She's so affectionate to me. Kissing me on the cheek during the hello's and goodbye's, running her fingers through my hair, hugging me. I just want to be with her.
So....
keep these feelings bottled up inside, or confess and take a risk of rejection and eternal awkwardness between us?
No, please let it go.....listen to everyone else here....b/c if you do this....you might never have a brother again....
Get involved in other things, other interests, persue a career, and let this whole thing go, and put it behind you...if you don't, you will defy an unspoken trust, your brother's. You might hurt him deeply which might affect him the rest of his life in a very negative way...or, he might become so over raught with hurt, that he might hurt himself....or you....please, look beyond yourself....and your hormones....it is not worth it....there will be other women...but you never, ever interfer with the love of a friend or even worse a brother. No matter what your feelings are for her.
If you don't believe me, then I beg you to go see the movie "Atonement", and see, how what we do, when we are young, might affect the lives of two others in a very negative way for the rest of their lives, not to mention, your own guild and regret. Once you cross over that line, it is like walking into an abysis...there is no turning back, and what happens after that, could be not only very tragic, but may very well make the difference, between life and death....meaning....you can be alive, but be tormented for the rest of your days while alive....
I'm sorry to be so blunt, but someone has to help you think beyond your own desires....not to mention, we always seem to want what we cannot have....sit back and allow your brother to be happy....do NOT get involved in this....please do not.
Dear Clutch, I feel that in the future, you will make a great boyfriend and husband! What I do like is that you are liking this woman for all of the right reasons (except that she is your brother's girlfriend). You like her because she makes you feel comfortable and she is easy to talk to. It's okay to be shy. And the right woman will really appreciate that you are not a romeo type. Part of my boyfriend being so special to me is the fact that he isn't a confident skirt-chaser and didn't have many girlfriends before me. And he is a smart guy and I love the way his mind works. Love is supposed to compliment your life. It shouldn't be your main priority. Find the other activities (academics, sports, hobbies) that make you excited. Excel in them and then find a woman that enjoys the same passions that you do. When you are happy and confident with who you are, you will find that others will gravitate towards you. So tend to your needs first. Don't change to make someone else happy.
And please try to see this 29 year old as a big sister that can help you with your future girlfriend issues. It's really okay to like her a lot, but just in the right way. At least if your brother marries her, you will approve of his choice. Maybe you will even be his best man at the wedding. But be happy for him and for her, since you love them both. Your time for love will come... and then one day when you are married and older, you will miss the days when you were young and single. lol!
Thank you for your support. I really appreciate it.
I understand. I will try to mend my feelings for her, by not seeing either of them for a couple of months, although it will be hard.
My brother called this evening to ask to talk to me. I refused, and he asked my mother why. I didn't come to the phone.
Tomorrow he's going to come over, and I'm going to have to avoid him. Seems quite stupid, but if I don't see him, my feelings won't recur, thus letting me forget and heal the situation.
To tell you the truth, I fell in "obsession" for her once before. This was after the first meeting. Though the feelings last time weren't as strong, I still tossed and turned for a few consecutive nights. I'm afraid if I even see her again, it will happen again; like a vicious cycle. This is the reason why I said him marrying her would be the worst case scenario.
No, please let it go.....listen to everyone else here....b/c if you do this....you might never have a brother again....
Get involved in other things, other interests, persue a career, and let this whole thing go, and put it behind you...if you don't, you will defy an unspoken trust, your brother's. You might hurt him deeply which might affect him the rest of his life in a very negative way...or, he might become so over raught with hurt, that he might hurt himself....or you....please, look beyond yourself....and your hormones....it is not worth it....there will be other women...but you never, ever interfer with the love of a friend or even worse a brother. No matter what your feelings are for her.
If you don't believe me, then I beg you to go see the movie "Atonement", and see, how what we do, when we are young, might affect the lives of two others in a very negative way for the rest of their lives, not to mention, your own guild and regret. Once you cross over that line, it is like walking into an abysis...there is no turning back, and what happens after that, could be not only very tragic, but may very well make the difference, between life and death....meaning....you can be alive, but be tormented for the rest of your days while alive....
I'm sorry to be so blunt, but someone has to help you think beyond your own desires....not to mention, we always seem to want what we cannot have....sit back and allow your brother to be happy....do NOT get involved in this....please do not.
this situation really worries me....
Hugs
Creme
Yes, I saw that movie. I understand what you're saying.
Like I said in a previous statement, I'm going to try to get over it by not seeing either of them for a long while.
Thank you for your support. I really appreciate it.
I understand. I will try to mend my feelings for her, by not seeing either of them for a couple of months, although it will be hard.
My brother called this evening to ask to talk to me. I refused, and he asked my mother why. I didn't come to the phone.
Tomorrow he's going to come over, and I'm going to have to avoid him. Seems quite stupid, but if I don't see him, my feelings won't recur, thus letting me forget and heal the situation.
To tell you the truth, I fell in "obsession" for her once before. This was after the first meeting. Though the feelings last time weren't as strong, I still tossed and turned for a few consecutive nights. I'm afraid if I even see her again, it will happen again; like a vicious cycle. This is the reason why I said him marrying her would be the worst case scenario.
What do you propose?
What about talking to you mom about this? Or is there an older relative or a teacher/mentor type person you can talk to about how you feel? My best heart to heart talks were with my grandmothers because I respected them, I knew that they loved me and they were full of life experiences. Or if you go to church, again I suggest taking to your pastor about your feelings.
At the very least, you can tell your mom and your brother that you feel like a third wheel around them. That while you do enjoy their company, you need to be with friends your own age and keeping an eye out for a girlfriend of your own too. You can try to make it more lighthearted by saying that as an 18 year old, your brother and his girlfriend at 29 are too old for you to hang out with. But that you appreciate that they both enjoy your company.
And it is a compliment that the two of them do like your company and that they don't think of you as a young brat.
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