I just figured out what I am. Now how do I fix me? (men, attracted)
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I had an epiphany this morning. Ever since my divorce decades ago, every man that has come into my life (in real life and online) has had me as his "Go-To Girl". I am the one he spends time with until someone better comes along.
I am the one who listens to him. I listen to his troubles and give him new ways to think of issues. I tell him what a good man he is. I boost him up. I give him confidence. Confidence to look for someone new apparently.
Now how do I recognize him ? Or how do I stop doing what I'm doing?
I had an epiphany this morning. Ever since my divorce decades ago, every man that has come into my life (in real life and online) has had me as his "Go-To Girl". I am the one he spends time with until someone better comes along.
I am the one who listens to him. I listen to his troubles and give him new ways to think of issues. I tell him what a good man he is. I boost him up. I give him confidence. Confidence to look for someone new apparently.
Now how do I recognize him ? Or how do I stop doing what I'm doing?
1. Are you romantically interested in these men?
2. Do you make it clear that your intentions are a relationship? Do you flirt?
3. Where are you finding these men?
The key to not being taken for granted is to screen your men better so that you surround yourself with people who appreciate you for who you are, versus what you can do for them. And be honest with yourself about the reciprocity of your relationships. It's fine to be the listening ear/crying shoulder as needed with people. But do you get that same treatment back? Or is it one-sided? If you are constantly the one propping up others, and not being treated with equal consideration by them when you are in need of the same thing, that's very noteworthy. Give and take.
This is all about you and what you can do to change. Once you change, then you won't attract or be attracted to this type any longer.
You sound too sympathetic, too willing to devote your time to these men and their problems. You may believe you're being a good person by doing this, but you're putting yourself in the position of doormat. You also likely have that saver-rescuer issue going on, believing you hold the key to fixing other people's problems. Maybe you suffer from a bit of low self-esteem and helping others makes you feel better, in the moment. I say all this not in judgment but that I used to be similar to this myself when I was younger.
The first step is being conscious of your role in all of this, which you are now coming to be. I would read as much as I can on the topic, and see what speaks to you. While I don't care for the term "White Knight" there is a good article in Psychology Today that may be a good starting point for you. Rescuing Yourself from Your Need to Rescue Others | Psychology Today
I had an epiphany this morning. Ever since my divorce decades ago, every man that has come into my life (in real life and online) has had me as his "Go-To Girl". I am the one he spends time with until someone better comes along.
I am the one who listens to him. I listen to his troubles and give him new ways to think of issues. I tell him what a good man he is. I boost him up. I give him confidence. Confidence to look for someone new apparently.
Now how do I recognize him ? Or how do I stop doing what I'm doing?
This sounds like a Taylor Swift video dilemma.
Hang in there. Someone will appreciate your support.
I had an epiphany this morning. Ever since my divorce decades ago, every man that has come into my life (in real life and online) has had me as his "Go-To Girl". I am the one he spends time with until someone better comes along.
I am the one who listens to him. I listen to his troubles and give him new ways to think of issues. I tell him what a good man he is. I boost him up. I give him confidence. Confidence to look for someone new apparently.
Now how do I recognize him ? Or how do I stop doing what I'm doing?
I just watched a Mary Tyler Moore episode on this, you just gotta say no and stick up for yourself
I just watched a Mary Tyler Moore episode on this, you just gotta say no and stick up for yourself
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frihed89
Ah, the wisdom of Mary Tyler Moore: the harder you are to get, the more you are worth.
Hey, Mary Richards is awesome!
Back on topic: I'm sure you'll get (and already have gotten) some great advice in here, meta. Good luck to you.
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